Fic: Pranksters - Third Year
Title: Pranksters - Third Year (part a)
Beta: dizilla and aquila_star
Rating: R
Word Count: 7,338 (overall 23,000)
Pairings/Characters: Kirk, McCoy, OFCs, OMCs, Uhura, Gaila, Kirk/Gaila
Warnings: bad language, innuendo, slight non-sexual bondage and a whole lot of pranks going on
Disclaimer: Not mine, dammit!
Summary:
The legendary and epic prank war of 2257-2258 by cadets Kirk and McCoy.
Leonard might not have started it, but he was damn sure gonna finish it.
First Year here and at AO3 here.
Second year here and at AO3 here
Third year part a at AO3 here. The Final part will be posted in two days time.
A/N: A very long time ago I started on this fic, based off a prompt on the Kink meme about the idea of Kirk and McCoy pranking each other while at the Academy here. I didn’t use the two suggested pranks, but it is canon that McCoy was a very good prankster while at Ole Miss. I hope you enjoy!
-- 15 --
(Third year)
Jim was well and truly three sheets to the wind as Bones helped him along the corridor toward their room. A nice night for once, without a curfew, and Jim had wanted to celebrate his ascension to Treasurer of the Xenolinguistic club.
One of them had to stay slightly sober and it was Bones' turn this time, as it was Jim's celebration to be had. So here they were, stumbling down the hall, Jim draped over him and a happy drunken grin on his face as he tried to tell Bones something incredibly important. Bones presumed it was important, but he had no idea in truth, as it was in some language which Jim had decided he currently needed to communicate in.
It took two attempts for the door to their room to release, purely because, on the first try Jim decided to attempt to help and on the second, Bones had to hold him off in order to prevent his 'assistance'.
He pulled Jim into the room with him, ordering the lights to seventy percent as he did so. They made their way around the partition, and Bones managed to direct Jim so he wouldn't stumble over his uniform boots. They were lying on the floor in an almost perfect impression of being in as drunk a state as their owner.
Bones maneuvered Jim so he was facing him, but with his back to his bed. Jim stood there with a dopey smile on his face, pleased with himself and the universe. Bones smiled slightly at his best friend before reaching up to push him on the chest. The force made Jim blink in surprise as he flailed his arms in the air and collapsed back onto his bed in a remarkably un-elegant manner.
"Bones," Jim complained.
"What?" Bones replied as he turned toward his own bed. He toed off his boots, bending forward to lean one hand on his bed for balance.
Bones nearly stumbled back onto Jim's bed as he bolted upright in surprise at the solid smack on his backside. He spun around to glare at Jim, who was grinning at him unrepentantly. Jim was shaking his hand up and down in the air. It appeared he had felt the force of the slap himself. The knowledge didn't make Bones any happier.
"You smacked me!" Bones accused.
"Yup. You bent over," Jim replied.
"Get into bed, Jim," Bones ordered.
"Yup." Jim twisted around so he could pull the sheets down and then, boots and all, started to get under the covers.
"Jim," Bones complained as he put his hands on his hips to glare at Jim.
"What?" Jim asked, blinking innocent-looking eyes at him.
"Get undressed first," Bones explained resignedly .
Jim looked down at himself and blinked a couple of times. "Right," he said as he contemplated his clothing. "Right."
He moved his hands up to undo his shirt, which proved to be rather difficult for him.
"Oh for Christ's sake," Bones mumbled as he slapped Jim's hands away and started to undo it himself. Jim had been trying to undo his shirt through the material and nowhere near the actual buttons.
He helped Jim out of the shirt and then pulled his t-shirt over his head. Next he bent down to help pull off Jim's boots.
"Pants, Jim," Bones said.
Jim looked down at himself and then at Bones who was kneeling at his feet.
"Yup, got 'em!" Jim announced proudly.
Bones rolled his eyes as he dropped the boots onto the floor. "Get 'em off, you can't sleep in 'em," he said.
"Oooh Bones, you do wanna get me nekkid!" Jim leaned forward and almost bashed his head into Bones'.
"Cut it out, infant," Bones said as he pushed Jim backwards again. "I'm not your mother, you can manage the rest without me."
Bones stood up and wandered back over to his bed and started to undress himself. He could hear Jim struggling to undo and remove his pants. He might be inclined to help his buddy out, but Jim got handsy with everyone when he was drunk and one slap on the ass was enough for tonight.
"You know, Bones," Jim panted as he struggled to get his pants off. "With that ass, if you were my mother, I'da have to be Southern."
Bones whirled around to glare at Jim for that statement. The glare was lost on Jim who was looking down in consternation at his pants and underwear all tangled up together and now in his hands. Jim Kirk was sitting on his bed, naked as the day he was born.
"Heaven help me!" Bones proclaimed as he stepped over, grabbed the pants from Jim's hands and dumped them on the floor with all his other clothes. "Get under the damn fool covers and don't make me tie you to the bed!"
"Ooooh kinky," Jim observed as he obeyed Bones and got into his bed. Bones pulled the covers up over him and tucked him in, before stalking back over to his own bed, pulling off the rest of his clothes and getting in. He ordered the lights off once he was settled.
"Bones," Jim said.
"Go to sleep, Jim.”
"Bones," Jim repeated.
"I'm a-warning you, Jim."
"Reckon Uhura gonna be nice to me now?" Jim asked quietly.
"Jim, you could save the whole damn planet and Miss Uhura would still knock you back. You're a glutton for punishment, kid, in that corner," Bones replied as he settled more into his pillow.
"Miss Uhura, Miss Uhura," Jim parroted. "You lay on that ole southern charm and everyone in the Academy wants to get into your pants. Their pants. Pants."
Bones snorted.
"Pfft," Jim replied, "it's the ultimate charm weapon. Even Uhura smiles at you."
"Well, we all can't have the patented Jim Kirk 'annoy everyone until they finally give in method'. Some of us prefer a little finesse."
"I've got fin-essey stuff," Jim replied.
"Sure you do," Bones said.
"I do!" Jim protested. "Come over here and I'll show you."
"Go to sleep, Jim," Bones repeated.
Jim just blew a raspberry in Bones' direction.
"Jim, go to sleep or I will tie you to that bed so you ain't moving until I let you," Bones threatened.
"Do your worst," Jim mumbled into his pillow, his voice already starting to sound sleepy.
"If you're not careful I will," Bones promised.
"Promises, promises," Jim uttered. "Careful Bones, or I might have to come over there and keep you company instead."
"Jim," Bones warned.
"Whatever," Jim mumbled.
Blessedly, it seemed to be the end of the conversation as Jim slid into the deep sleep of the inebriated.
Bones lay in the bed for a while longer, sleep eluding him. He looked over at Jim, all tucked in nice and tight under his covers and he started to get an idea.
***
Bones entered the room quietly, his purchase in his hand. He ordered the lights on at twenty percent and waited to see if Jim would react. There was no movement from Jim, so he walked carefully over to his bed and started to put his plan in motion.
***
Jim woke the next morning to the sound of crunching. He recognized the noise as Bones' god-awful, healthy muesli, which he consumed with relish each and every morning. The sound was so loud that Jim went to lift his hand up to cradle his head. There was a problem. His arm was stuck. He tried his other arm and it was stuck too. He lifted up his head to see that he had been taped to his bed during the night.
"Bones," he yelled and then groaned at the sound reverberating through his head.
His best friend, the asshole very likely to be responsible for the state he found himself in, sauntered around the partition to lean against it as he continued to eat from his bowl. There was a slight smirk on his face as he took in Jim, lying in bed and unable to move.
"Yes, Jim?" he politely asked.
"You did this!" Jim accused.
"Yes, I did," Bones responded, still calmly eating his breakfast.
"Why?" Jim asked angrily.
"Because you told me to," Bones informed him.
Jim looked at him in confusion. "What?"
"Last night, Jim. You told me to do my worst in respect to tying you to the bed. Is this bad enough for you?"
"Fucker," Jim insulted him.
Bones just laughed in response.
"Get me outta this," Jim ordered as he started to squirm around in order to try and loosen up the tape.
"Careful, Jim," Bones said to him. "You don't want that tape to slip and come into contact with your skin. It's real sticky and you ain't clothed under the sheets, remember."
Jim stopped as he realized the truth of what Bones was saying. He was completely naked under the sheet and his wriggling had made the sheets move around a bit under the tape.
"Get me outta here, Bones," Jim said.
"Nope," Bones replied as he turned away from Jim and back around the partition.
"Whadda ya mean nope?" Jim yelled after him.
Bones walked back around the other side of the partition so he was standing at the head of Jim's bed. Jim had to tilt his head up at an uncomfortable angle to look at Bones.
"Like I said, nope. Not ready to release you just yet. Might do ya some good to stay put in one place for once," Bones observed.
He helped Jim out by walking over to his own bed and getting on it. He picked up a PADD and started reading off it.
"I do stay put," Jim said.
"Only when you have to 'cause it's a class, otherwise you don't and won't stay put and relax," Bones responded.
"Do not," Jim replied.
"Do not make me come over there," Bones warned.
"Why not?" Jim challenged. "What ya gonna do? You've already taped me to the damn bed so I can't move," Jim complained.
Bones tossed his PADD down and got off his bed, moving toward Jim. Jim watched him warily, a little unsure what to make of the look in Bones' eyes. He watched in shock as Bones crawled onto the bed with him, one knee on either side of Jim's legs and his hands resting just above Jim's shoulders. He was in the gaps between the tape and Jim realized that Bones had planned this very well or, if he didn't plan it at all, then it was a very fortunate accident.
Jim looked up into Bones' eyes, the dark hazel of them glinting in the morning light filled with a form of satisfaction.
"Jim, you really need to learn that you can't better me. You're all taped up and stuck down and I can do anything I want. Anything. And you will just have to take it," Bones said quietly as he stared at Jim.
Jim could hear their breaths as they stared at each other, neither willing to concede until Jim nodded at Bones, letting him know that this round was well and truly Bones'.
"You promise to actually stay still for a day, Jim?" Bones asked.
"Yeah," Jim grudgingly agreed.
"Do you good, kid. Your course load and mine are a bit top heavy. You can normally handle that amount of liquor better than you did last night. I reckon the pace has gotten to both of us, time for a bit of a refresh. Deal?" Bones said to him quietly, his soft drawl getting thicker, the quieter he spoke.
Jim was damn sure he did it on purpose, but he agreed to it anyway. Bones was right, they both had been working insanely hard over the past year and a half. A quiet weekend might just be what they both needed.
Bones got off the bed and moved away to get something out of his side drawer. The bed had dipped as he transferred his weight and Jim exhaled once Bones had left, releasing tension he didn't know he had been keeping inside himself at Bones' presence. The power which Bones had as he knelt over him was something he hadn't really experienced in a long time. Anyone else might have made Jim fight more to get out but there was something about Bones which Jim knew. Bones wouldn't ever willingly hurt him.
Bones cut him loose from the tape and threw his pants at him while complaining, "Put that damn thing away, I don't want to see it hanging about."
Jim just laughed as he pulled on his pants to preserve Bones' modesty.
"Sure you don't, Bones," Jim teased as he did up his pants.
"Watch it kid, there’s more tape from where that lot came from and you do sleep like the dead," Bones warned him.
Jim stuck his tongue out at Bones' back as he walked over toward the trash chute, pulling tape off the sheets as he went.
"I saw that Jim. Now sit your ass down on the bed and relax," Bones said without turning around at all.
Jim threw his hands up in the air. It seemed that Bones had grown eyes in the back of his head now, but he did as he was told and had a nice relaxing weekend with his best friend.
No heavy study, no interruptions, just the two of them enjoying some quiet time.
-- 16 --
"Jim!" Bones yelled as he walked toward him from across the quadrangle space.
Jim stopped to wait, ignoring the curious looks from the other cadets who passed by. He also ignored the angry tone from his best friend and the impression of anger which every stride was emanating.
"What is it with you and giving out my phone number to complete strangers, Jim?" Bones hissed as he grabbed Jim's arm and pulled him to walk across the Quad.
"If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world, Bones," Jim quoted at him.
"What the fuck?" Bones responded eloquently.
"Just trying to help a buddy out," Jim smirked at him. "You need to make new friends."
"Yeah, right. First it was a stupid book, now it's 'I left my wallet out the front of their place'. Never knew this city had so many good Samaritans that they would call me back to let me know it isn't there," Bones grumbled.
"Aww, is Bones shocked that people might, 'gasp', actually be nice to him?" Jim batted his eyelashes at Bones as he did his best attempt at an old Southern Belle accent.
Bones finally released Jim's arm. Jim wasn't very happy with the reason why he was let go. It was quickly followed by a swift shove across the back of his shoulder for his little bit of sass toward Bones.
Jim laughed at Bones' put-upon expression.
"Alright, I promise not to prank call other people for you again," Jim said.
"Good." Bones stared at him as they stopped by the the fork in the path where they each had to head off to separate classes.
Bones appeared to be satisfied with the mostly innocent look on Jim's face and nodded at him before turning and walking away.
Jim waited just long enough for Bones to stop and turn around, without being late for his class, before he yelled out at him.
"Unless you deserve it!" Jim yelled as he himself turned and headed off to his Tactical History class. He smiled to himself as he felt the glare being directed his way.
-- 17 --
Bones didn't get to witness the immediate results of his latest prank, but he did get to see the frown and then the glare which Jim directed his way when he finally trudged into room 356, Diplomacy for Starfleet Officers class.
Or more accurately, as he and Jim had dubbed it, ’How not to stuff up nearly 100 years of being nice to other species so we can steal their Dilithium deposits for a 'reasonable' price’. Or it was probably more along the lines of, ’How to take your Dithilium deposits and have you say thank you in response’. They had tried to put some of the diplomacy suggestions to use in coming up with alternative names for a class which was an ultimate snore-fest.
It was a class they both knew was necessary but unfortunately the lecturer would bore most species to death, including any Vulcans who were unlucky enough to be present.
In fact, Bones remembered one memorable lecture where he noted at least six other cadets nodding off as Lieutenant O'xbzry droned on. It was only his own experience with boring-ass lecturers which allowed him to stay awake. What Jim's excuse was he didn't know, but Jim managed to stay awake as well. Today he might not be able to.
Jim and a couple of others were almost late as they entered the room. They had all been away for the weekend on a training sim and had only returned late last night. Jim literally dropped onto his bed in the clothes he arrived back at the Barracks in and had been asleep in minutes. He had only managed to kick off his boots and socks. It was a perfect opportunity for Bones, so he quietly entered their bathroom and got the little tub of Vaseline.
Unfortunately, Bones had an early morning class at Starfleet Medical, which meant he had to get up early and head off before Jim awoke but he did get to watch Jim's toes start to wiggle and then slip against each other. Jim might have stayed asleep, but part of his mind was busy moving those toes. It was a cruel punishment, but Jim still hadn't quite learned yet where the line should be drawn in regards to the pranks. Instead, he had to rely on the look on Jim's face as he walked into the lecture and yup, Jim was not a happy little camper.
Bones smiled at Jim and indicated the spare seat next to him which he had saved, as always, for Jim. He just received a further glare, a little pursing of Jim’s lips as he pointedly looked away before he stomped over to sit in between Cadets Smith and Jones. So it was going to be like that, Bones mused to himself. He thought ‘infant’ really was a good epithet for Jim at times.
The lecture droned on and Bones spent more time staring at the back of Jim’s head than he did looking at the board. There was the little curl of hair which was getting a bit too long for regulation. It was hanging over the back of Jim's collar like a neighbor would hang over a back fence looking to share a good piece of gossip.
As the lecture finally wound up, Bones made sure to get out of his row quickly so he could catch up to Jim, who was trying to make his own quick escape from the lecture room.
"In a hurry, aren't you, Jim? You look like you need a nap," Bones said quietly as he pressed in close, waiting for their turn to exit out through the doorway. Sixty cadets and a doorway, which would only comfortably fit two people side by side in the space, meant it was slow going to get out of the room.
Jim just glared at him over his shoulder before pointedly turning and facing back to the doorway.
Bones chuckled as they moved slowly with the rest of the class, bodies bumping as everyone tried to get the best path out the door. Bones made sure he kept pressed up close to Jim. They made it out finally and Jim started to walk briskly away toward his next class. Bones jogged quickly to catch up to him.
"You going to speak, kid, or you going the mature, silent treatment route?" he asked.
"You're a fucking asshole," Jim replied.
"Play with fire, Jim, you get burned. Next time you might remember to not nose around in other people's stuff," Bones told him.
"That was ages ago," Jim protested as he stopped and stared at Bones.
"I've got a long memory and you took my kit on Friday." Bones stopped and stared right back. Neither of them seemed to care that the other cadets were having to move around them like a river bending to find a new path around any immovable rocks in its way.
"I did not..." Jim started to protest and then he shook his head. "Yeah, I did. I didn't mean to, but your kit looks just like mine."
"You shoulda checked. And ’a drowning man will clutch at straws’," Bones quoted at him and then started to walk away. "We are in Starfleet, kid, everything looks the same."
It was Jim this time who ran to catch up to him. "Fine, whatever, sorry man," Jim said.
Bones just raised an eyebrow at that pathetic excuse for an apology.
"What was that shit you put on my feet?"
"You think I'm gonna tell you so you can do it back to me? Not gonna happen, Jim," Bones smiled a little as he could see the pout on Jim's face. No way was he going to let Jim know that the Vaseline made his toes rub against each other and caused him a restless night of sleep.
"Fine, I'll just have to get inventive this time," Jim warned. "We never repeat the pranks though."
"We'll see. So you going to sit next to me this time or you still being a child?"
"I need to keep an eye on you," Jim answered in his own unique way of not really answering the question. Bones just shook his head and entered the lecture room for their next Command Track class. This one was less about diplomacy and more about the tactics, as well as the systems at a Starfleet Officer's disposal to help in developing those tactics. He was sure Jim was going to be thinking about his own tactics for the next prank.
-- 18 --
Nyota was quietly catching up on news as she flicked idly through the feeds. For once the multitude of languages that normally flowed through her head were quiet and only standard remained. However, her silence was disturbed by the door whooshing open and her roommate running in. She found her hand being grabbed and was pulled her off her bed before she even realized what was happening.
"Gaila!" she cried as Gaila continued to tug her toward the door. Nyota planted her feet on the carpeted floor, trying to stop Gaila pulling her wherever she seemed to want to pull her. It didn't work so well, as the skin of her bare feet just slipped easily along the carpet.
"Gaila, stop!" she ordered.
Luckily, Gaila obeyed.
"I need you to come see this," Gaila said as she turned to face Nyota but she did not let go of her hand.
"Can I at least put some shoes on?" Nyota asked. Gaila glanced down to her feet and smiled.
"Sure," Gaila agreed as she finally let go of Nyota's hand. "But hurry, I don't want to miss out on the fun! Your feet are very pretty though. I like the high arch they have."
Nyota glanced up to frown at Gaila from where she was sitting on the bed as she pulled her boots back on. An Orion roommate was definitely not what she expected when she joined Starfleet, although she had hoped she wouldn’t be sharing with another Terran. She had wanted to expand her knowledge of other species, specifically their languages, and what better way was there but to live with one?
Gaila was unique in her ability to happily ignore boundaries which most people would respect, but she crossed each one with a smile on her face and it was hard to stay mad at her and her natural joy. After the first year of skirting around each other and getting used to sharing a room with a stranger, they requested to room together again the following year, and were still sharing in their third year of studies.
"I thought you were on the roster for the Computer Lab this afternoon?" Nyota asked as she did up her boots and stood.
"Orci was there, so I wasn't needed and I got let off the shift. C'mon, hurry!" Gaila motioned for Nyota to hurry up as she literally bounced up and down on her feet from where she stood by the door.
Nyota laughed as she joined Gaila and the pair of them exited out into the hallway. Gaila wended her arm with Nyota's and gently directed her briskly in the direction she obviously wanted to go.
"What do you want me to see?" Nyota asked as they walked out into the bright afternoon sunshine.
"You'll see," Gaila promised with a wicked little smile as they walked up a gentle rise in the manicured lawn. Most of the Quad was flat with paths which criss-crossed each other as they led to various lecture buildings or dorms, but in front of a few were little mounds with trees planted on them to create a barrier and possibly a more enticing living space for the students.
At the base of one of the mounds was a complete replica of one half of the sleeping area of the cadet dorm rooms. A bed, side table, desk and chair. The bed was completely made up and even from the distance Nyota and Gaila were from it, Nyota was sure it would completely pass muster with the most stringent of room inspections.
“How did they get it out there?” Nyota asked as she turned to look at Gaila.
Gaila shrugged before sitting down. “Don’t know, they are fused to the floor. I want to know whose it is.”
Nyota joined her on the grass, leaning back and allowing the sunlight dappling through the leaves above them to warm her skin.
They sat there for a few minutes, just watching the cadets walking past and going about their business. A few would stop and stare at the bed, some even brave enough to walk up to it and inspect it, but no one claimed it.
Nyota noticed Leonard walking back to his dorm, nose stuck in a PADD and other cadets getting out of his way. Without looking up he turned at the correct moment and entered his dorm hall. She smiled.
“Do you think they will get in trouble?” Gaila asked.
“With the instructors?” Nyota asked.
“Yes.”
“Probably, but I haven’t seen any as yet and we don’t know who did it,” Nyota replied.
The mystery was then solved.
“Goddammit, Jim! Get your ass back here you son of a Cardassian trader! I want my bed back in my room,” Leonard yelled, his voice carrying across the Quad and making all the cadets stop and stare in his direction.
“Oh, Jim is in trouble,” Gaila said, her eyes wide as she glanced from Leonard to the bed setting.
“Should have guessed it was him or Leonard,” Nyota said.
“How long has the prank war been going on?” Gaila asked.
“Since first year. It’s right up Kirk’s alley but I wouldn’t think it was in Leonard’s style.”
Gaila smiled one of her wicked little smiles which told Nyota she knew something that Nyota didn’t and was very happy to share with her.
“I heard the doctor started it and he has been most inventive in his pranks. Is this a human thing? Should we be having a prank war?” Gaila was now looking at Nyota curiously.
“No!” Nyota protested quickly. “It’s just a silly thing perpetrated by a child. I’m sure Kirk started it.” Nyota looked back over at the bed setting to find Leonard standing by it, hands on hips as he glared around the Quad. He pointed in a direction near the mound and Nyota noticed Jim, bent over and laughing himself silly.
Leonard started toward Jim, anger evident in each stride, until he was right in front of him. He started gesturing with his arms while he had a ‘discussion’ with Jim.
She couldn’t hear their discussion, but Jim was still laughing, although he appeared to be trying not to.
“C’mon, Gaila. The mystery has been solved, let’s go back to our room,” Nyota said as she stood up.
“Are you sure Jim won’t need help to get the bed back upstairs?” Gaila asked as she looked over toward Jim who was still getting a dressing down from Leonard.
Nyota could smell the pheromones starting to waft off of Gaila. “Oh, hell no,” Nyota whispered as she leaned down to grab Gaila by the arm and pull her upright. “I think you have a date with your suppressant,” Nyota told her.
Gaila pouted, but let Nyota drag her back toward their room. As Nyota looked at Gaila when they neared the dorm doors, she noticed Gaila was still watching the argument between Jim and Leonard.
“He got it out there without people knowing. I’m sure he can get it back in with Leonard’s help. Now, c’mon,” Nyota said, pulling Gaila through the doors to head back to their room.
-- 19 --
Jim turned to look in Bones’ direction. He had stopped speaking with his glass stalled halfway to his lips. Jim smiled as he saw what had caught Bones’ attention, a very lovely looking woman.
“Nice choice,” Jim said, his lips close enough to Bones’ ear so he could hear what was being said. The bar was filled almost to bursting with townies and cadets alike.
“Always been a bit partial to blondes with legs which go all the way up,” Bones replied, watching the woman intently as she moved through the crowd.
“Me too,” Jim agreed. He vastly approved of the shortness of her skirt.
Bones snorted before he seemed to finally remember the position of his glass and brought it up to his lips to take a sip.
“What? You disparaging my taste in women?” Jim asked.
“Taste in women being limited to blondes with long legs? I’m not exactly sure what your standard is, but I suspect the highest priority is breathing,” Bones said, giving Jim a little look out the corner of his eyes.
“Now them’s fighting words!” Jim declared, slapping his hand on the table, causing the dregs of Jim’s beer to slosh back and forth as the glass tilted. “Whoops,” Jim said as he put both hands on the table to steady it.
Bones just laughed at him.
“C’mon old man,” Jim said.
“I have years of experience on you,” Bones pointed out as he put his hand on Jim’s shoulder.
“You were married for most of it!”
Bones just smiled a sly little smile at Jim, his lips quirking up at the corners of his mouth. “Exactly. I got one to marry me. Now you...” Bones shrugged.
“Hey!” Jim protested. But not too loudly. “Okay, so you would have to be a magician to get a woman to put up with your grumpy ass.” Jim smirked at Bones.
“Oh, I’m a magician alright. Long family tradition,” Bones said as he leaned back into the bench seat. His hand slipped off of Jim’s shoulder.
“Bullshit,” Jim declared, not believing Bones for a second.
“Bet you the next round I can prove it,” Bones said, a very smug look on his face.
“Deal,” Jim agreed, looking forward to seeing Bones try and prove magic existed. The man would have to completely contradict every previous word out of his mouth about science in order to do so. Jim was cataloguing as many of those past statements as he could to throw back in Bones’ face later.
Bones slid along the bench and stood up. “C’mon Jim, you get to be my helper.”
Jim resisted the urge to poke his tongue out at Bones, but he slid along the bench a little way and got up to stand next to Bones. “Fine Oh Great One,” Jim proclaimed. “Show me some magic!”
“This way,” Bones said as he moved through the crowd, heading for the space near the dance floor. The music was just a low hum, a club without loud throbbing music. Weirdly, that made it one of the more popular clubs in the Castro.
Jim noted a few of their classmates watching their progression through the room. Bones was now standing in a little space alone, his beer still held in hand.
“Well then, show me some magic, Dr. McCoy,” Jim declared in a loud voice as he stood opposite Bones. Jim meant to get an audience for the upcoming show, and heads did turn, people stopping to look toward them both.
“Stand here,” Bones ordered, pointing directly down at the ground in front of him.
Jim just smirked as he sauntered over to stand in front of Bones, tilting up his head a little bit.
“Turn around, Jim,” Bones said, a little smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
“I’m not seeing any proof of magic,” Jim said as he complied with the order. He smiled when he saw even more people watching them.
“This one is very simple, Jim. I can make things move without touching them,” Bones explained as he walked around Jim to stand in front of him again.
Jim knew the smirk on his face got wider as he thought of certain things he could make move without having to touch them. He opened his mouth to tell Bones that, when Bones beat him to the punch.
“Not that, dipshit. I will walk around your body three times, not touching you at all and before I complete all three walks, you will move at least a foot.”
“Have you been peeking in the shower, Bones?” Jim asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
Bones rolled his eyes. “The rules are as follows.”
“Rules?” Jim asked.
“Rules. Number one, I will not touch you.”
“Yeah, you said that already.”
“Two,” Bones said as he glared at Jim for interrupting. “I won’t ask anyone else to move your body. Three. I will not use anything else to physically move your body. You will move of your own free will. Now put your arms back down at your side.” Bones turned and placed his glass on the table behind him, before turning back to check if Jim had done as he had asked.
Jim had.
Bones closed his eyes, took a deep breath and raised his hands up. He waved them about, muttering under his breath. Jim couldn’t make sense of what he was saying. Bones opened his eyes and started to walk slowly around Jim, still chanting under his breath. He kept about the same distance away from Jim as he went. He stopped when he got back to his starting position and announced, “That’s one.”
The crowd around them had gone a little quieter, and Jim could see people whispering to others further back, probably telling them what was going on.
Bones had closed his eyes, started his hand waving thingy again. He repeated the walk around and Jim just stood there, thinking Bones was going to end up looking pretty stupid in front of a lot of people he knew.
“That’s two,” Bones said.
Jim waited for him to start the hand-waving for the final time, but Bones just turned around and picked up his beer, turned back to Jim and sat down on the edge of the table. He lifted up the glass and took a sip.
Jim was confused as to what was going on.
“Jim, you can stay standing there for the rest of the night or you can move that sweet ass of yours over to the bar and buy the next round. I’m not walking around you for the third time.”
Jim laughed as he shook his head. “You fucker,” he said.
“Just think how many free drinks you can get out of it when you pull it on others,” Bones proclaimed. He smiled before draining the rest of his beer.
“You win this round,” Jim said, as he took the step toward the bar to prove that Bones was indeed a magician.
-- 20 --
Jim laughed around the mouthful of toothpaste as he heard Bones yell out his name. Bones was in the little side area where they had a sink, a little fridge and a small cupboard, one of the perks of being final year cadets. Jim could hear items being thunked down on the cabinet.
“Busy,” Jim yelled back, then proceeded to gargle.
The door to the bathroom opened and Jim calmly looked in Bones’ direction.
“What’s this?” Bones asked angrily, waving a cup, which was shiny and coated in the cling wrap which Jim had spent most of yesterday carefully wrapping each and every item of Bones’ in the cupboard.
“Your mug,” Jim replied, rinsing out his mouth. He shook off the water from his toothbrush and put it back in the cabinet above the sink.
He went to push past Bones to go back into the main room, but Bones put an arm across the doorway.
“You wrapped everything of mine!” Bones said, his voice hissing between his clenched teeth.
“Not everything,” Jim said, winking as he pushed past Bones. “Think of it like a present. Everyone likes getting presents.”
Jim undid the towel he had wrapped around his waist and finished drying himself off, his back to the kitchen area. He heard Bones thumping the mug back down on the bench and the little snorting sound he made when he was displeased with something. Jim had just picked up his pants when he heard water running. He turned to look over his shoulder and see what Bones was up to.
“Hey!” Jim yelled as he dropped the towel to run into the kitchen space. Bones had Jim’s mug in his hand. “We have rules about sharing, remember!”
Jim ran into Bones as he grabbed for his mug. Bones’ expression showed his surprise for a fleeting moment before settling back into his normal ‘grumpy’ face, the one he wore when he hadn’t had his morning coffee yet. Bones raised his arm up, trying to keep the mug out of Jim’s reach.
“I will get you, old man,” Jim declared as he pushed Bones backward into the bench, hemming him in and holding him in place, while Jim tried to pull Bones’ arm back down. He used a full body press, while Bones leaned backwards.
They grappled for a few moments before Bones lowered his hand and let Jim take the mug back.
“Fine,” Bones said, as he pushed Jim away and walked toward the door to their room.
“Huh?” Jim asked, confused as to how he managed to win the battle so quickly. “Where you going?”
“To get a coffee,” Bones replied as he walked out the door.
“Weird,” Jim said, before shrugging and heading back to get changed.
-- 21 --
Jim frowned as he thought about how Bones had been acting lately. He pulled out his towel, going through the automatic motions of getting ready to shower after class. Ever since the ‘wrapping’ incident, Bones had been quieter and not his normal self. It was true their course loads had increased and there were positions up for grab after graduation. Jim himself had never been busier and the pressures of the upcoming Koyabashi Maru test was weighing on his mind.
Gaila had been a very welcome distraction, being fun, incredibly sexy, and Orion. She did have a little habit of talking in her sleep and Jim had learned things about her which she probably wouldn’t normally reveal to others so easily. An Orion’s life was not what people thought it was. He did enjoy the feeling of another warm body in the bed next to him and Gaila was a nice pillow to burrow against.
Jim pulled his top over his head as he pondered what could have made Bones so quiet lately. He missed his friend. He missed... Jim stopped those thoughts immediately, that way lay great danger and stupidity, and although he didn’t mind those things on occasion, he always had a way out. Not this time. It could only lead to trouble.
“Really, Jim?” Moons asked.
“Hmm?” Jim responded as he looked over his shoulder at Moons.
“You’re a pretty upfront guy, but I’ve never known you to advertise quite so blatantly.”
“What?” Jim asked, even more confused than normal. Cheng had thrown him hard a couple of times into the mat, but nothing more than usual, so it wasn’t any head injury, no matter what Bones would complain about.
Now it wasn’t just Moons laughing at him. The others in the locker room had stopped what they were doing and joined in. Jim then noticed a few of them pointing at his back and chuckling behind their hands.
“What?” Jim repeated as he tried to look over his shoulder. He wasn’t very successful and it just made the others laugh more.
He stood up from the bench and angled his back so he could see it in the mirror. What he saw had him swearing under his breath at Bones, once he had figured it out.
‘Open all hours’ was written on his back, and there was an arrow pointing down toward his ass.
Jim marched over to the basin, grabbing his washcloth and some soap on the way. He wet the cloth and, with the soap, tried to scrub away at the writing. At least the laughter and teasing from the others had died down as they left to shower or finished changing. After a few minutes Jim gave up. Not one smudge or fading of the writing had happened. He sighed as he contemplated the next way to get Bones back. He couldn’t repeat a prank, so he would have to come up with something new to annoy the man. How on earth Bones had managed to do that without him knowing about it and it lasting most of the day also needed to be solved. It wasn’t the first time that Bones had done something while Jim was asleep, so plans needed to be put in place to prevent it happening again.
The positive about the writing was he had a date with Gaila tonight and she would get a kick out of it, and possibly add some fun memories about the message.
Final part here
Beta: dizilla and aquila_star
Rating: R
Word Count: 7,338 (overall 23,000)
Pairings/Characters: Kirk, McCoy, OFCs, OMCs, Uhura, Gaila, Kirk/Gaila
Warnings: bad language, innuendo, slight non-sexual bondage and a whole lot of pranks going on
Disclaimer: Not mine, dammit!
Summary:
The legendary and epic prank war of 2257-2258 by cadets Kirk and McCoy.
Leonard might not have started it, but he was damn sure gonna finish it.
First Year here and at AO3 here.
Second year here and at AO3 here
Third year part a at AO3 here. The Final part will be posted in two days time.
A/N: A very long time ago I started on this fic, based off a prompt on the Kink meme about the idea of Kirk and McCoy pranking each other while at the Academy here. I didn’t use the two suggested pranks, but it is canon that McCoy was a very good prankster while at Ole Miss. I hope you enjoy!
-- 15 --
(Third year)
Jim was well and truly three sheets to the wind as Bones helped him along the corridor toward their room. A nice night for once, without a curfew, and Jim had wanted to celebrate his ascension to Treasurer of the Xenolinguistic club.
One of them had to stay slightly sober and it was Bones' turn this time, as it was Jim's celebration to be had. So here they were, stumbling down the hall, Jim draped over him and a happy drunken grin on his face as he tried to tell Bones something incredibly important. Bones presumed it was important, but he had no idea in truth, as it was in some language which Jim had decided he currently needed to communicate in.
It took two attempts for the door to their room to release, purely because, on the first try Jim decided to attempt to help and on the second, Bones had to hold him off in order to prevent his 'assistance'.
He pulled Jim into the room with him, ordering the lights to seventy percent as he did so. They made their way around the partition, and Bones managed to direct Jim so he wouldn't stumble over his uniform boots. They were lying on the floor in an almost perfect impression of being in as drunk a state as their owner.
Bones maneuvered Jim so he was facing him, but with his back to his bed. Jim stood there with a dopey smile on his face, pleased with himself and the universe. Bones smiled slightly at his best friend before reaching up to push him on the chest. The force made Jim blink in surprise as he flailed his arms in the air and collapsed back onto his bed in a remarkably un-elegant manner.
"Bones," Jim complained.
"What?" Bones replied as he turned toward his own bed. He toed off his boots, bending forward to lean one hand on his bed for balance.
Bones nearly stumbled back onto Jim's bed as he bolted upright in surprise at the solid smack on his backside. He spun around to glare at Jim, who was grinning at him unrepentantly. Jim was shaking his hand up and down in the air. It appeared he had felt the force of the slap himself. The knowledge didn't make Bones any happier.
"You smacked me!" Bones accused.
"Yup. You bent over," Jim replied.
"Get into bed, Jim," Bones ordered.
"Yup." Jim twisted around so he could pull the sheets down and then, boots and all, started to get under the covers.
"Jim," Bones complained as he put his hands on his hips to glare at Jim.
"What?" Jim asked, blinking innocent-looking eyes at him.
"Get undressed first," Bones explained resignedly .
Jim looked down at himself and blinked a couple of times. "Right," he said as he contemplated his clothing. "Right."
He moved his hands up to undo his shirt, which proved to be rather difficult for him.
"Oh for Christ's sake," Bones mumbled as he slapped Jim's hands away and started to undo it himself. Jim had been trying to undo his shirt through the material and nowhere near the actual buttons.
He helped Jim out of the shirt and then pulled his t-shirt over his head. Next he bent down to help pull off Jim's boots.
"Pants, Jim," Bones said.
Jim looked down at himself and then at Bones who was kneeling at his feet.
"Yup, got 'em!" Jim announced proudly.
Bones rolled his eyes as he dropped the boots onto the floor. "Get 'em off, you can't sleep in 'em," he said.
"Oooh Bones, you do wanna get me nekkid!" Jim leaned forward and almost bashed his head into Bones'.
"Cut it out, infant," Bones said as he pushed Jim backwards again. "I'm not your mother, you can manage the rest without me."
Bones stood up and wandered back over to his bed and started to undress himself. He could hear Jim struggling to undo and remove his pants. He might be inclined to help his buddy out, but Jim got handsy with everyone when he was drunk and one slap on the ass was enough for tonight.
"You know, Bones," Jim panted as he struggled to get his pants off. "With that ass, if you were my mother, I'da have to be Southern."
Bones whirled around to glare at Jim for that statement. The glare was lost on Jim who was looking down in consternation at his pants and underwear all tangled up together and now in his hands. Jim Kirk was sitting on his bed, naked as the day he was born.
"Heaven help me!" Bones proclaimed as he stepped over, grabbed the pants from Jim's hands and dumped them on the floor with all his other clothes. "Get under the damn fool covers and don't make me tie you to the bed!"
"Ooooh kinky," Jim observed as he obeyed Bones and got into his bed. Bones pulled the covers up over him and tucked him in, before stalking back over to his own bed, pulling off the rest of his clothes and getting in. He ordered the lights off once he was settled.
"Bones," Jim said.
"Go to sleep, Jim.”
"Bones," Jim repeated.
"I'm a-warning you, Jim."
"Reckon Uhura gonna be nice to me now?" Jim asked quietly.
"Jim, you could save the whole damn planet and Miss Uhura would still knock you back. You're a glutton for punishment, kid, in that corner," Bones replied as he settled more into his pillow.
"Miss Uhura, Miss Uhura," Jim parroted. "You lay on that ole southern charm and everyone in the Academy wants to get into your pants. Their pants. Pants."
Bones snorted.
"Pfft," Jim replied, "it's the ultimate charm weapon. Even Uhura smiles at you."
"Well, we all can't have the patented Jim Kirk 'annoy everyone until they finally give in method'. Some of us prefer a little finesse."
"I've got fin-essey stuff," Jim replied.
"Sure you do," Bones said.
"I do!" Jim protested. "Come over here and I'll show you."
"Go to sleep, Jim," Bones repeated.
Jim just blew a raspberry in Bones' direction.
"Jim, go to sleep or I will tie you to that bed so you ain't moving until I let you," Bones threatened.
"Do your worst," Jim mumbled into his pillow, his voice already starting to sound sleepy.
"If you're not careful I will," Bones promised.
"Promises, promises," Jim uttered. "Careful Bones, or I might have to come over there and keep you company instead."
"Jim," Bones warned.
"Whatever," Jim mumbled.
Blessedly, it seemed to be the end of the conversation as Jim slid into the deep sleep of the inebriated.
Bones lay in the bed for a while longer, sleep eluding him. He looked over at Jim, all tucked in nice and tight under his covers and he started to get an idea.
***
Bones entered the room quietly, his purchase in his hand. He ordered the lights on at twenty percent and waited to see if Jim would react. There was no movement from Jim, so he walked carefully over to his bed and started to put his plan in motion.
***
Jim woke the next morning to the sound of crunching. He recognized the noise as Bones' god-awful, healthy muesli, which he consumed with relish each and every morning. The sound was so loud that Jim went to lift his hand up to cradle his head. There was a problem. His arm was stuck. He tried his other arm and it was stuck too. He lifted up his head to see that he had been taped to his bed during the night.
"Bones," he yelled and then groaned at the sound reverberating through his head.
His best friend, the asshole very likely to be responsible for the state he found himself in, sauntered around the partition to lean against it as he continued to eat from his bowl. There was a slight smirk on his face as he took in Jim, lying in bed and unable to move.
"Yes, Jim?" he politely asked.
"You did this!" Jim accused.
"Yes, I did," Bones responded, still calmly eating his breakfast.
"Why?" Jim asked angrily.
"Because you told me to," Bones informed him.
Jim looked at him in confusion. "What?"
"Last night, Jim. You told me to do my worst in respect to tying you to the bed. Is this bad enough for you?"
"Fucker," Jim insulted him.
Bones just laughed in response.
"Get me outta this," Jim ordered as he started to squirm around in order to try and loosen up the tape.
"Careful, Jim," Bones said to him. "You don't want that tape to slip and come into contact with your skin. It's real sticky and you ain't clothed under the sheets, remember."
Jim stopped as he realized the truth of what Bones was saying. He was completely naked under the sheet and his wriggling had made the sheets move around a bit under the tape.
"Get me outta here, Bones," Jim said.
"Nope," Bones replied as he turned away from Jim and back around the partition.
"Whadda ya mean nope?" Jim yelled after him.
Bones walked back around the other side of the partition so he was standing at the head of Jim's bed. Jim had to tilt his head up at an uncomfortable angle to look at Bones.
"Like I said, nope. Not ready to release you just yet. Might do ya some good to stay put in one place for once," Bones observed.
He helped Jim out by walking over to his own bed and getting on it. He picked up a PADD and started reading off it.
"I do stay put," Jim said.
"Only when you have to 'cause it's a class, otherwise you don't and won't stay put and relax," Bones responded.
"Do not," Jim replied.
"Do not make me come over there," Bones warned.
"Why not?" Jim challenged. "What ya gonna do? You've already taped me to the damn bed so I can't move," Jim complained.
Bones tossed his PADD down and got off his bed, moving toward Jim. Jim watched him warily, a little unsure what to make of the look in Bones' eyes. He watched in shock as Bones crawled onto the bed with him, one knee on either side of Jim's legs and his hands resting just above Jim's shoulders. He was in the gaps between the tape and Jim realized that Bones had planned this very well or, if he didn't plan it at all, then it was a very fortunate accident.
Jim looked up into Bones' eyes, the dark hazel of them glinting in the morning light filled with a form of satisfaction.
"Jim, you really need to learn that you can't better me. You're all taped up and stuck down and I can do anything I want. Anything. And you will just have to take it," Bones said quietly as he stared at Jim.
Jim could hear their breaths as they stared at each other, neither willing to concede until Jim nodded at Bones, letting him know that this round was well and truly Bones'.
"You promise to actually stay still for a day, Jim?" Bones asked.
"Yeah," Jim grudgingly agreed.
"Do you good, kid. Your course load and mine are a bit top heavy. You can normally handle that amount of liquor better than you did last night. I reckon the pace has gotten to both of us, time for a bit of a refresh. Deal?" Bones said to him quietly, his soft drawl getting thicker, the quieter he spoke.
Jim was damn sure he did it on purpose, but he agreed to it anyway. Bones was right, they both had been working insanely hard over the past year and a half. A quiet weekend might just be what they both needed.
Bones got off the bed and moved away to get something out of his side drawer. The bed had dipped as he transferred his weight and Jim exhaled once Bones had left, releasing tension he didn't know he had been keeping inside himself at Bones' presence. The power which Bones had as he knelt over him was something he hadn't really experienced in a long time. Anyone else might have made Jim fight more to get out but there was something about Bones which Jim knew. Bones wouldn't ever willingly hurt him.
Bones cut him loose from the tape and threw his pants at him while complaining, "Put that damn thing away, I don't want to see it hanging about."
Jim just laughed as he pulled on his pants to preserve Bones' modesty.
"Sure you don't, Bones," Jim teased as he did up his pants.
"Watch it kid, there’s more tape from where that lot came from and you do sleep like the dead," Bones warned him.
Jim stuck his tongue out at Bones' back as he walked over toward the trash chute, pulling tape off the sheets as he went.
"I saw that Jim. Now sit your ass down on the bed and relax," Bones said without turning around at all.
Jim threw his hands up in the air. It seemed that Bones had grown eyes in the back of his head now, but he did as he was told and had a nice relaxing weekend with his best friend.
No heavy study, no interruptions, just the two of them enjoying some quiet time.
-- 16 --
"Jim!" Bones yelled as he walked toward him from across the quadrangle space.
Jim stopped to wait, ignoring the curious looks from the other cadets who passed by. He also ignored the angry tone from his best friend and the impression of anger which every stride was emanating.
"What is it with you and giving out my phone number to complete strangers, Jim?" Bones hissed as he grabbed Jim's arm and pulled him to walk across the Quad.
"If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world, Bones," Jim quoted at him.
"What the fuck?" Bones responded eloquently.
"Just trying to help a buddy out," Jim smirked at him. "You need to make new friends."
"Yeah, right. First it was a stupid book, now it's 'I left my wallet out the front of their place'. Never knew this city had so many good Samaritans that they would call me back to let me know it isn't there," Bones grumbled.
"Aww, is Bones shocked that people might, 'gasp', actually be nice to him?" Jim batted his eyelashes at Bones as he did his best attempt at an old Southern Belle accent.
Bones finally released Jim's arm. Jim wasn't very happy with the reason why he was let go. It was quickly followed by a swift shove across the back of his shoulder for his little bit of sass toward Bones.
Jim laughed at Bones' put-upon expression.
"Alright, I promise not to prank call other people for you again," Jim said.
"Good." Bones stared at him as they stopped by the the fork in the path where they each had to head off to separate classes.
Bones appeared to be satisfied with the mostly innocent look on Jim's face and nodded at him before turning and walking away.
Jim waited just long enough for Bones to stop and turn around, without being late for his class, before he yelled out at him.
"Unless you deserve it!" Jim yelled as he himself turned and headed off to his Tactical History class. He smiled to himself as he felt the glare being directed his way.
-- 17 --
Bones didn't get to witness the immediate results of his latest prank, but he did get to see the frown and then the glare which Jim directed his way when he finally trudged into room 356, Diplomacy for Starfleet Officers class.
Or more accurately, as he and Jim had dubbed it, ’How not to stuff up nearly 100 years of being nice to other species so we can steal their Dilithium deposits for a 'reasonable' price’. Or it was probably more along the lines of, ’How to take your Dithilium deposits and have you say thank you in response’. They had tried to put some of the diplomacy suggestions to use in coming up with alternative names for a class which was an ultimate snore-fest.
It was a class they both knew was necessary but unfortunately the lecturer would bore most species to death, including any Vulcans who were unlucky enough to be present.
In fact, Bones remembered one memorable lecture where he noted at least six other cadets nodding off as Lieutenant O'xbzry droned on. It was only his own experience with boring-ass lecturers which allowed him to stay awake. What Jim's excuse was he didn't know, but Jim managed to stay awake as well. Today he might not be able to.
Jim and a couple of others were almost late as they entered the room. They had all been away for the weekend on a training sim and had only returned late last night. Jim literally dropped onto his bed in the clothes he arrived back at the Barracks in and had been asleep in minutes. He had only managed to kick off his boots and socks. It was a perfect opportunity for Bones, so he quietly entered their bathroom and got the little tub of Vaseline.
Unfortunately, Bones had an early morning class at Starfleet Medical, which meant he had to get up early and head off before Jim awoke but he did get to watch Jim's toes start to wiggle and then slip against each other. Jim might have stayed asleep, but part of his mind was busy moving those toes. It was a cruel punishment, but Jim still hadn't quite learned yet where the line should be drawn in regards to the pranks. Instead, he had to rely on the look on Jim's face as he walked into the lecture and yup, Jim was not a happy little camper.
Bones smiled at Jim and indicated the spare seat next to him which he had saved, as always, for Jim. He just received a further glare, a little pursing of Jim’s lips as he pointedly looked away before he stomped over to sit in between Cadets Smith and Jones. So it was going to be like that, Bones mused to himself. He thought ‘infant’ really was a good epithet for Jim at times.
The lecture droned on and Bones spent more time staring at the back of Jim’s head than he did looking at the board. There was the little curl of hair which was getting a bit too long for regulation. It was hanging over the back of Jim's collar like a neighbor would hang over a back fence looking to share a good piece of gossip.
As the lecture finally wound up, Bones made sure to get out of his row quickly so he could catch up to Jim, who was trying to make his own quick escape from the lecture room.
"In a hurry, aren't you, Jim? You look like you need a nap," Bones said quietly as he pressed in close, waiting for their turn to exit out through the doorway. Sixty cadets and a doorway, which would only comfortably fit two people side by side in the space, meant it was slow going to get out of the room.
Jim just glared at him over his shoulder before pointedly turning and facing back to the doorway.
Bones chuckled as they moved slowly with the rest of the class, bodies bumping as everyone tried to get the best path out the door. Bones made sure he kept pressed up close to Jim. They made it out finally and Jim started to walk briskly away toward his next class. Bones jogged quickly to catch up to him.
"You going to speak, kid, or you going the mature, silent treatment route?" he asked.
"You're a fucking asshole," Jim replied.
"Play with fire, Jim, you get burned. Next time you might remember to not nose around in other people's stuff," Bones told him.
"That was ages ago," Jim protested as he stopped and stared at Bones.
"I've got a long memory and you took my kit on Friday." Bones stopped and stared right back. Neither of them seemed to care that the other cadets were having to move around them like a river bending to find a new path around any immovable rocks in its way.
"I did not..." Jim started to protest and then he shook his head. "Yeah, I did. I didn't mean to, but your kit looks just like mine."
"You shoulda checked. And ’a drowning man will clutch at straws’," Bones quoted at him and then started to walk away. "We are in Starfleet, kid, everything looks the same."
It was Jim this time who ran to catch up to him. "Fine, whatever, sorry man," Jim said.
Bones just raised an eyebrow at that pathetic excuse for an apology.
"What was that shit you put on my feet?"
"You think I'm gonna tell you so you can do it back to me? Not gonna happen, Jim," Bones smiled a little as he could see the pout on Jim's face. No way was he going to let Jim know that the Vaseline made his toes rub against each other and caused him a restless night of sleep.
"Fine, I'll just have to get inventive this time," Jim warned. "We never repeat the pranks though."
"We'll see. So you going to sit next to me this time or you still being a child?"
"I need to keep an eye on you," Jim answered in his own unique way of not really answering the question. Bones just shook his head and entered the lecture room for their next Command Track class. This one was less about diplomacy and more about the tactics, as well as the systems at a Starfleet Officer's disposal to help in developing those tactics. He was sure Jim was going to be thinking about his own tactics for the next prank.
-- 18 --
Nyota was quietly catching up on news as she flicked idly through the feeds. For once the multitude of languages that normally flowed through her head were quiet and only standard remained. However, her silence was disturbed by the door whooshing open and her roommate running in. She found her hand being grabbed and was pulled her off her bed before she even realized what was happening.
"Gaila!" she cried as Gaila continued to tug her toward the door. Nyota planted her feet on the carpeted floor, trying to stop Gaila pulling her wherever she seemed to want to pull her. It didn't work so well, as the skin of her bare feet just slipped easily along the carpet.
"Gaila, stop!" she ordered.
Luckily, Gaila obeyed.
"I need you to come see this," Gaila said as she turned to face Nyota but she did not let go of her hand.
"Can I at least put some shoes on?" Nyota asked. Gaila glanced down to her feet and smiled.
"Sure," Gaila agreed as she finally let go of Nyota's hand. "But hurry, I don't want to miss out on the fun! Your feet are very pretty though. I like the high arch they have."
Nyota glanced up to frown at Gaila from where she was sitting on the bed as she pulled her boots back on. An Orion roommate was definitely not what she expected when she joined Starfleet, although she had hoped she wouldn’t be sharing with another Terran. She had wanted to expand her knowledge of other species, specifically their languages, and what better way was there but to live with one?
Gaila was unique in her ability to happily ignore boundaries which most people would respect, but she crossed each one with a smile on her face and it was hard to stay mad at her and her natural joy. After the first year of skirting around each other and getting used to sharing a room with a stranger, they requested to room together again the following year, and were still sharing in their third year of studies.
"I thought you were on the roster for the Computer Lab this afternoon?" Nyota asked as she did up her boots and stood.
"Orci was there, so I wasn't needed and I got let off the shift. C'mon, hurry!" Gaila motioned for Nyota to hurry up as she literally bounced up and down on her feet from where she stood by the door.
Nyota laughed as she joined Gaila and the pair of them exited out into the hallway. Gaila wended her arm with Nyota's and gently directed her briskly in the direction she obviously wanted to go.
"What do you want me to see?" Nyota asked as they walked out into the bright afternoon sunshine.
"You'll see," Gaila promised with a wicked little smile as they walked up a gentle rise in the manicured lawn. Most of the Quad was flat with paths which criss-crossed each other as they led to various lecture buildings or dorms, but in front of a few were little mounds with trees planted on them to create a barrier and possibly a more enticing living space for the students.
At the base of one of the mounds was a complete replica of one half of the sleeping area of the cadet dorm rooms. A bed, side table, desk and chair. The bed was completely made up and even from the distance Nyota and Gaila were from it, Nyota was sure it would completely pass muster with the most stringent of room inspections.
“How did they get it out there?” Nyota asked as she turned to look at Gaila.
Gaila shrugged before sitting down. “Don’t know, they are fused to the floor. I want to know whose it is.”
Nyota joined her on the grass, leaning back and allowing the sunlight dappling through the leaves above them to warm her skin.
They sat there for a few minutes, just watching the cadets walking past and going about their business. A few would stop and stare at the bed, some even brave enough to walk up to it and inspect it, but no one claimed it.
Nyota noticed Leonard walking back to his dorm, nose stuck in a PADD and other cadets getting out of his way. Without looking up he turned at the correct moment and entered his dorm hall. She smiled.
“Do you think they will get in trouble?” Gaila asked.
“With the instructors?” Nyota asked.
“Yes.”
“Probably, but I haven’t seen any as yet and we don’t know who did it,” Nyota replied.
The mystery was then solved.
“Goddammit, Jim! Get your ass back here you son of a Cardassian trader! I want my bed back in my room,” Leonard yelled, his voice carrying across the Quad and making all the cadets stop and stare in his direction.
“Oh, Jim is in trouble,” Gaila said, her eyes wide as she glanced from Leonard to the bed setting.
“Should have guessed it was him or Leonard,” Nyota said.
“How long has the prank war been going on?” Gaila asked.
“Since first year. It’s right up Kirk’s alley but I wouldn’t think it was in Leonard’s style.”
Gaila smiled one of her wicked little smiles which told Nyota she knew something that Nyota didn’t and was very happy to share with her.
“I heard the doctor started it and he has been most inventive in his pranks. Is this a human thing? Should we be having a prank war?” Gaila was now looking at Nyota curiously.
“No!” Nyota protested quickly. “It’s just a silly thing perpetrated by a child. I’m sure Kirk started it.” Nyota looked back over at the bed setting to find Leonard standing by it, hands on hips as he glared around the Quad. He pointed in a direction near the mound and Nyota noticed Jim, bent over and laughing himself silly.
Leonard started toward Jim, anger evident in each stride, until he was right in front of him. He started gesturing with his arms while he had a ‘discussion’ with Jim.
She couldn’t hear their discussion, but Jim was still laughing, although he appeared to be trying not to.
“C’mon, Gaila. The mystery has been solved, let’s go back to our room,” Nyota said as she stood up.
“Are you sure Jim won’t need help to get the bed back upstairs?” Gaila asked as she looked over toward Jim who was still getting a dressing down from Leonard.
Nyota could smell the pheromones starting to waft off of Gaila. “Oh, hell no,” Nyota whispered as she leaned down to grab Gaila by the arm and pull her upright. “I think you have a date with your suppressant,” Nyota told her.
Gaila pouted, but let Nyota drag her back toward their room. As Nyota looked at Gaila when they neared the dorm doors, she noticed Gaila was still watching the argument between Jim and Leonard.
“He got it out there without people knowing. I’m sure he can get it back in with Leonard’s help. Now, c’mon,” Nyota said, pulling Gaila through the doors to head back to their room.
-- 19 --
Jim turned to look in Bones’ direction. He had stopped speaking with his glass stalled halfway to his lips. Jim smiled as he saw what had caught Bones’ attention, a very lovely looking woman.
“Nice choice,” Jim said, his lips close enough to Bones’ ear so he could hear what was being said. The bar was filled almost to bursting with townies and cadets alike.
“Always been a bit partial to blondes with legs which go all the way up,” Bones replied, watching the woman intently as she moved through the crowd.
“Me too,” Jim agreed. He vastly approved of the shortness of her skirt.
Bones snorted before he seemed to finally remember the position of his glass and brought it up to his lips to take a sip.
“What? You disparaging my taste in women?” Jim asked.
“Taste in women being limited to blondes with long legs? I’m not exactly sure what your standard is, but I suspect the highest priority is breathing,” Bones said, giving Jim a little look out the corner of his eyes.
“Now them’s fighting words!” Jim declared, slapping his hand on the table, causing the dregs of Jim’s beer to slosh back and forth as the glass tilted. “Whoops,” Jim said as he put both hands on the table to steady it.
Bones just laughed at him.
“C’mon old man,” Jim said.
“I have years of experience on you,” Bones pointed out as he put his hand on Jim’s shoulder.
“You were married for most of it!”
Bones just smiled a sly little smile at Jim, his lips quirking up at the corners of his mouth. “Exactly. I got one to marry me. Now you...” Bones shrugged.
“Hey!” Jim protested. But not too loudly. “Okay, so you would have to be a magician to get a woman to put up with your grumpy ass.” Jim smirked at Bones.
“Oh, I’m a magician alright. Long family tradition,” Bones said as he leaned back into the bench seat. His hand slipped off of Jim’s shoulder.
“Bullshit,” Jim declared, not believing Bones for a second.
“Bet you the next round I can prove it,” Bones said, a very smug look on his face.
“Deal,” Jim agreed, looking forward to seeing Bones try and prove magic existed. The man would have to completely contradict every previous word out of his mouth about science in order to do so. Jim was cataloguing as many of those past statements as he could to throw back in Bones’ face later.
Bones slid along the bench and stood up. “C’mon Jim, you get to be my helper.”
Jim resisted the urge to poke his tongue out at Bones, but he slid along the bench a little way and got up to stand next to Bones. “Fine Oh Great One,” Jim proclaimed. “Show me some magic!”
“This way,” Bones said as he moved through the crowd, heading for the space near the dance floor. The music was just a low hum, a club without loud throbbing music. Weirdly, that made it one of the more popular clubs in the Castro.
Jim noted a few of their classmates watching their progression through the room. Bones was now standing in a little space alone, his beer still held in hand.
“Well then, show me some magic, Dr. McCoy,” Jim declared in a loud voice as he stood opposite Bones. Jim meant to get an audience for the upcoming show, and heads did turn, people stopping to look toward them both.
“Stand here,” Bones ordered, pointing directly down at the ground in front of him.
Jim just smirked as he sauntered over to stand in front of Bones, tilting up his head a little bit.
“Turn around, Jim,” Bones said, a little smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
“I’m not seeing any proof of magic,” Jim said as he complied with the order. He smiled when he saw even more people watching them.
“This one is very simple, Jim. I can make things move without touching them,” Bones explained as he walked around Jim to stand in front of him again.
Jim knew the smirk on his face got wider as he thought of certain things he could make move without having to touch them. He opened his mouth to tell Bones that, when Bones beat him to the punch.
“Not that, dipshit. I will walk around your body three times, not touching you at all and before I complete all three walks, you will move at least a foot.”
“Have you been peeking in the shower, Bones?” Jim asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
Bones rolled his eyes. “The rules are as follows.”
“Rules?” Jim asked.
“Rules. Number one, I will not touch you.”
“Yeah, you said that already.”
“Two,” Bones said as he glared at Jim for interrupting. “I won’t ask anyone else to move your body. Three. I will not use anything else to physically move your body. You will move of your own free will. Now put your arms back down at your side.” Bones turned and placed his glass on the table behind him, before turning back to check if Jim had done as he had asked.
Jim had.
Bones closed his eyes, took a deep breath and raised his hands up. He waved them about, muttering under his breath. Jim couldn’t make sense of what he was saying. Bones opened his eyes and started to walk slowly around Jim, still chanting under his breath. He kept about the same distance away from Jim as he went. He stopped when he got back to his starting position and announced, “That’s one.”
The crowd around them had gone a little quieter, and Jim could see people whispering to others further back, probably telling them what was going on.
Bones had closed his eyes, started his hand waving thingy again. He repeated the walk around and Jim just stood there, thinking Bones was going to end up looking pretty stupid in front of a lot of people he knew.
“That’s two,” Bones said.
Jim waited for him to start the hand-waving for the final time, but Bones just turned around and picked up his beer, turned back to Jim and sat down on the edge of the table. He lifted up the glass and took a sip.
Jim was confused as to what was going on.
“Jim, you can stay standing there for the rest of the night or you can move that sweet ass of yours over to the bar and buy the next round. I’m not walking around you for the third time.”
Jim laughed as he shook his head. “You fucker,” he said.
“Just think how many free drinks you can get out of it when you pull it on others,” Bones proclaimed. He smiled before draining the rest of his beer.
“You win this round,” Jim said, as he took the step toward the bar to prove that Bones was indeed a magician.
-- 20 --
Jim laughed around the mouthful of toothpaste as he heard Bones yell out his name. Bones was in the little side area where they had a sink, a little fridge and a small cupboard, one of the perks of being final year cadets. Jim could hear items being thunked down on the cabinet.
“Busy,” Jim yelled back, then proceeded to gargle.
The door to the bathroom opened and Jim calmly looked in Bones’ direction.
“What’s this?” Bones asked angrily, waving a cup, which was shiny and coated in the cling wrap which Jim had spent most of yesterday carefully wrapping each and every item of Bones’ in the cupboard.
“Your mug,” Jim replied, rinsing out his mouth. He shook off the water from his toothbrush and put it back in the cabinet above the sink.
He went to push past Bones to go back into the main room, but Bones put an arm across the doorway.
“You wrapped everything of mine!” Bones said, his voice hissing between his clenched teeth.
“Not everything,” Jim said, winking as he pushed past Bones. “Think of it like a present. Everyone likes getting presents.”
Jim undid the towel he had wrapped around his waist and finished drying himself off, his back to the kitchen area. He heard Bones thumping the mug back down on the bench and the little snorting sound he made when he was displeased with something. Jim had just picked up his pants when he heard water running. He turned to look over his shoulder and see what Bones was up to.
“Hey!” Jim yelled as he dropped the towel to run into the kitchen space. Bones had Jim’s mug in his hand. “We have rules about sharing, remember!”
Jim ran into Bones as he grabbed for his mug. Bones’ expression showed his surprise for a fleeting moment before settling back into his normal ‘grumpy’ face, the one he wore when he hadn’t had his morning coffee yet. Bones raised his arm up, trying to keep the mug out of Jim’s reach.
“I will get you, old man,” Jim declared as he pushed Bones backward into the bench, hemming him in and holding him in place, while Jim tried to pull Bones’ arm back down. He used a full body press, while Bones leaned backwards.
They grappled for a few moments before Bones lowered his hand and let Jim take the mug back.
“Fine,” Bones said, as he pushed Jim away and walked toward the door to their room.
“Huh?” Jim asked, confused as to how he managed to win the battle so quickly. “Where you going?”
“To get a coffee,” Bones replied as he walked out the door.
“Weird,” Jim said, before shrugging and heading back to get changed.
-- 21 --
Jim frowned as he thought about how Bones had been acting lately. He pulled out his towel, going through the automatic motions of getting ready to shower after class. Ever since the ‘wrapping’ incident, Bones had been quieter and not his normal self. It was true their course loads had increased and there were positions up for grab after graduation. Jim himself had never been busier and the pressures of the upcoming Koyabashi Maru test was weighing on his mind.
Gaila had been a very welcome distraction, being fun, incredibly sexy, and Orion. She did have a little habit of talking in her sleep and Jim had learned things about her which she probably wouldn’t normally reveal to others so easily. An Orion’s life was not what people thought it was. He did enjoy the feeling of another warm body in the bed next to him and Gaila was a nice pillow to burrow against.
Jim pulled his top over his head as he pondered what could have made Bones so quiet lately. He missed his friend. He missed... Jim stopped those thoughts immediately, that way lay great danger and stupidity, and although he didn’t mind those things on occasion, he always had a way out. Not this time. It could only lead to trouble.
“Really, Jim?” Moons asked.
“Hmm?” Jim responded as he looked over his shoulder at Moons.
“You’re a pretty upfront guy, but I’ve never known you to advertise quite so blatantly.”
“What?” Jim asked, even more confused than normal. Cheng had thrown him hard a couple of times into the mat, but nothing more than usual, so it wasn’t any head injury, no matter what Bones would complain about.
Now it wasn’t just Moons laughing at him. The others in the locker room had stopped what they were doing and joined in. Jim then noticed a few of them pointing at his back and chuckling behind their hands.
“What?” Jim repeated as he tried to look over his shoulder. He wasn’t very successful and it just made the others laugh more.
He stood up from the bench and angled his back so he could see it in the mirror. What he saw had him swearing under his breath at Bones, once he had figured it out.
‘Open all hours’ was written on his back, and there was an arrow pointing down toward his ass.
Jim marched over to the basin, grabbing his washcloth and some soap on the way. He wet the cloth and, with the soap, tried to scrub away at the writing. At least the laughter and teasing from the others had died down as they left to shower or finished changing. After a few minutes Jim gave up. Not one smudge or fading of the writing had happened. He sighed as he contemplated the next way to get Bones back. He couldn’t repeat a prank, so he would have to come up with something new to annoy the man. How on earth Bones had managed to do that without him knowing about it and it lasting most of the day also needed to be solved. It wasn’t the first time that Bones had done something while Jim was asleep, so plans needed to be put in place to prevent it happening again.
The positive about the writing was he had a date with Gaila tonight and she would get a kick out of it, and possibly add some fun memories about the message.
Final part here