Newt Gingrich - the most entertaining presidential candidate, if nothing else.
Please play this video on loop as you read this blog entry:
Have you ever seen those eternally forwarded emails that are collections of history test answers kids humorously get wrong (My personal favorite is still "Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 50 foot clipper")? Newt Gingrich is like getting that email over and over again in real time.
Having Newt run for president just feels weird, because after he was drummed out of Congress in disgrace you would think he wouldn't bother with a political career. We were wrong, unfortunately. He's in this to win, and there is nothing too racist, offensive, grandiose or bizarre for him to say to try and steal the nomination from Mittens.
But despite bitching about people on food stamps, or forcing poor kids to clean toilets to teach them a proper work ethic, or defending his days as a lobbyist for Fannie and Freddie, it all pales when he talks about having an AMERICAN base on the moon by the end of his second term as president. How can this get better? Because it does! He calls this plan the "Northwest Ordinance to the Moon."
If you don't know what this is, in 1787 while the founding fathers slugged it out in Philadelphia creating a "more perfect union." the weak, milque toast central government about to be downsized to zero wrote and approved a document that became the permanent process for territories to join the United States. Originally intended for the territory that would eventually become the states of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan and Wisconsin; as the United States acquired more land in North America, the method of becoming a state stayed the same, with the random modification to accommodate slavery, disputes over state lines (Toledo Strip War between Michigan and Ohio) and of course, manifesting his destiny all over the place like the cheap two bit whore America is.
Still with me? Good. Now, Newt said when there were thirteen thousand inhabitants on the permanent American moon base, they could apply for statehood.
Wait, what? That's not how it works. There is a three step process to statehood. First, you have to qualify to be a territory, which means 5,000 inhabitants. Then you need a territorial governor, secretary and a three judge tribunal. My favorite bit about this phase of statehood is how these territorial officials are paid ... with land. For instance, the territorial governor gets one thousand acres of land for compensation.
Hell yeah, let me be territorial governor of the moon. Nothing more I want than a thousand acres of moon land ...
Once the territory has 60,000 inhabitants, then the territory can vote on whether to become a state or not, set up a legislature and write a state constitution. Once all of those requirements have been met, then delegates are sent to Washington DC to petition the federal government for statehood.
thirteen thousand just don't quite cut it, Newt.
Plus, Newt the great historian seems to have also forgotten that there is international law forbidding countries claiming the moon as their territory. Maybe Newt needs to stick to his area of historical expertise - Education policy in the Belgian Congo. Meanwhile, future territorial governor of the moon ... enjoy your thousand acres of moon rocks.
Click to viewHave you ever seen those eternally forwarded emails that are collections of history test answers kids humorously get wrong (My personal favorite is still "Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 50 foot clipper")? Newt Gingrich is like getting that email over and over again in real time.
Having Newt run for president just feels weird, because after he was drummed out of Congress in disgrace you would think he wouldn't bother with a political career. We were wrong, unfortunately. He's in this to win, and there is nothing too racist, offensive, grandiose or bizarre for him to say to try and steal the nomination from Mittens.
But despite bitching about people on food stamps, or forcing poor kids to clean toilets to teach them a proper work ethic, or defending his days as a lobbyist for Fannie and Freddie, it all pales when he talks about having an AMERICAN base on the moon by the end of his second term as president. How can this get better? Because it does! He calls this plan the "Northwest Ordinance to the Moon."
If you don't know what this is, in 1787 while the founding fathers slugged it out in Philadelphia creating a "more perfect union." the weak, milque toast central government about to be downsized to zero wrote and approved a document that became the permanent process for territories to join the United States. Originally intended for the territory that would eventually become the states of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan and Wisconsin; as the United States acquired more land in North America, the method of becoming a state stayed the same, with the random modification to accommodate slavery, disputes over state lines (Toledo Strip War between Michigan and Ohio) and of course, manifesting his destiny all over the place like the cheap two bit whore America is.
Still with me? Good. Now, Newt said when there were thirteen thousand inhabitants on the permanent American moon base, they could apply for statehood.
Wait, what? That's not how it works. There is a three step process to statehood. First, you have to qualify to be a territory, which means 5,000 inhabitants. Then you need a territorial governor, secretary and a three judge tribunal. My favorite bit about this phase of statehood is how these territorial officials are paid ... with land. For instance, the territorial governor gets one thousand acres of land for compensation.
Hell yeah, let me be territorial governor of the moon. Nothing more I want than a thousand acres of moon land ...
Once the territory has 60,000 inhabitants, then the territory can vote on whether to become a state or not, set up a legislature and write a state constitution. Once all of those requirements have been met, then delegates are sent to Washington DC to petition the federal government for statehood.
thirteen thousand just don't quite cut it, Newt.
Plus, Newt the great historian seems to have also forgotten that there is international law forbidding countries claiming the moon as their territory. Maybe Newt needs to stick to his area of historical expertise - Education policy in the Belgian Congo. Meanwhile, future territorial governor of the moon ... enjoy your thousand acres of moon rocks.