I get it! And once I was finally out of 'the nest' I got "Why aren't you applying for jobs? Why aren't you working?" when I'd been just about scared into total frozen stillness about the whole process, thanks to her. After spending my whole life with them being told (and even now if I were to listen) all the stuff I 'couldn't handle' or 'couldn't do' it's amazing I ever did anything at all.
I honestly didn't really blossom and grow as a confident, self-assured person until I met hubby. He (and his family) taught me what "unconditional love" really means. I look back at the person I was then--as you say, "scared into total frozen stiffness"--and reflect on the person I am now, and I'm so thankful to have made it far enough that I did ultimately find light at the end of my long, dark, lonely tunnel.
I was out-and-out forbidden from having a job before I went to college.
That's something I regret to this day.
But with my mom, she sided with herself when she pitted me against my dad, saying how "your father" or "your daughter" did this or that which she didn't approve of. Things were just never her fault.
One of the harder things for me to learn was to take responsibility. I still have avoidance problems.
Oh yeah. I'm well familiar with the "your daughter" thing. At this point, my biological parents are egg/sperm donors, nothing more. And they still don't understand why.
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That's something I regret to this day.
But with my mom, she sided with herself when she pitted me against my dad, saying how "your father" or "your daughter" did this or that which she didn't approve of. Things were just never her fault.
One of the harder things for me to learn was to take responsibility. I still have avoidance problems.
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