there are so many things i want to say
But there never seems to be enough time or memory.
I just finished I Am The Messenger by Marcus Zusak. Young adult-ish, with lots of sex and swearing, but I liked it. Well, I didn't like the erratically pseudo-poetic style much, and I kind of hated the ending. But so much of it perfectly embodied the way I perceive humanity and reality. How everything is beautiful, even the painful things. How everyone is special, everyone has a story. How anyone can rise above their own lives.
I'm now reading Fighting Ruben Wolffe by the same author. It has a similar theme of one giving purpose to life.
I got shoes and ribbons for prom. My uncle offered to buy the shoes, and he picked the stores we checked out, but I still felt bad for getting shoes that cost around $70. ;-; I guess that's what I get for finding such a cheap dress. But I know he was happy to do it and can afford it. And the shoes'll go great with the dress. They're cute shoes, anyway. Cream and black polka dot flats. And I got some dark pink ribbon that I think will go nicely with the off-white of my dress. It'll have a sweet, old-fashioned feel, I'm hoping.
Listen to what a girl I am. e_e
I got my cute, pink DS from Drew! I love it. It's so pretty. (Ha. More girliness.)
And Drew and Jennifer, of course, hassled me to no end. I don't really mind the constant nagging about college and scholarships, because I know how important it is and that they care a lot (not only because they love me, but also because we all know Drew's going to end up paying for quite a bit of it). I mean, it gets on my nerves, but I understand. But then they also kept nagging me about the shoes and ribbon for prom, making suggestions that I felt increasingly bad about declining. Thank god Jeremy was with me to keep me from going bananas.
I know they love me. I love them, too. And I really appreciate all they do for me. But, like I said. Bananas.
For prom, Jeremy is maybe going to be wearing an extremely retro suit that once belonged to a friend or member of Jeremy's family. I hope it fits!
I could really go for some ice cream right about now.
Jeremy's never been to Toy Joy. :(
My hair is getting long. I want to cut it soon, but I gotsta wait for cosplay. :/
I'm going to apply for a job at Dollar General with Jeremy. I'm hoping that we'll get to work together, but I know we might not be able to. I guess I'll see.
It's about damn time I get a job, anyway.
And Jeremy says he'll pay for food and stuff so I can save up $500 for a laptop. So kind, this boyfriend. @.@
I'm not sure I'll try to get a job elsewhere if I can't get one at Dollar General, though. I'm mostly only able to make myself do it because Jeremy would be working there, too. Y'know, it's not too scary or anything.
I always go on about how I believe that anyone can change their lives and make their circumstances better, but sometimes...I don't know. It's like waking up in the morning. You know what you need to do. You need to get up, get dressed, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and leave the house. But it's so much easier to just lie back down again. And when the alarm clock rings in the morning, it feels like there's something keeping me from waking up that I can't control. Something inherent. And I wonder if maybe I'm wrong, and life is like that, too. And there are some people who can wake up just fine, some people who don't bother waking up early at all.
And I think that life is like playing music in band. Some people hit every note just right. But then there are people like me who have to struggle to keep up. We can't play the fast notes, the high and low notes. And we can play some stuff okay, some more difficult stuff just great, but we always get lost in all the things we can't do. And some people just can't find themselves to begin with. And I always feel like I'm trapped in my own mediocrity. I'll never be able to play notes that fast, that high, or that low. I'll always get stuck there. And I just don't think practice will help. Even if I get good at playing the fast notes in one song, the next song'll come along, and I'll be sunk.
And some people will get better with practice. Some people get new horns or get their old ones fixed. Something to help them jump forward.
And I wonder if I'll ever get to have anything like that.
I just finished I Am The Messenger by Marcus Zusak. Young adult-ish, with lots of sex and swearing, but I liked it. Well, I didn't like the erratically pseudo-poetic style much, and I kind of hated the ending. But so much of it perfectly embodied the way I perceive humanity and reality. How everything is beautiful, even the painful things. How everyone is special, everyone has a story. How anyone can rise above their own lives.
I'm now reading Fighting Ruben Wolffe by the same author. It has a similar theme of one giving purpose to life.
I got shoes and ribbons for prom. My uncle offered to buy the shoes, and he picked the stores we checked out, but I still felt bad for getting shoes that cost around $70. ;-; I guess that's what I get for finding such a cheap dress. But I know he was happy to do it and can afford it. And the shoes'll go great with the dress. They're cute shoes, anyway. Cream and black polka dot flats. And I got some dark pink ribbon that I think will go nicely with the off-white of my dress. It'll have a sweet, old-fashioned feel, I'm hoping.
Listen to what a girl I am. e_e
I got my cute, pink DS from Drew! I love it. It's so pretty. (Ha. More girliness.)
And Drew and Jennifer, of course, hassled me to no end. I don't really mind the constant nagging about college and scholarships, because I know how important it is and that they care a lot (not only because they love me, but also because we all know Drew's going to end up paying for quite a bit of it). I mean, it gets on my nerves, but I understand. But then they also kept nagging me about the shoes and ribbon for prom, making suggestions that I felt increasingly bad about declining. Thank god Jeremy was with me to keep me from going bananas.
I know they love me. I love them, too. And I really appreciate all they do for me. But, like I said. Bananas.
For prom, Jeremy is maybe going to be wearing an extremely retro suit that once belonged to a friend or member of Jeremy's family. I hope it fits!
I could really go for some ice cream right about now.
Jeremy's never been to Toy Joy. :(
My hair is getting long. I want to cut it soon, but I gotsta wait for cosplay. :/
I'm going to apply for a job at Dollar General with Jeremy. I'm hoping that we'll get to work together, but I know we might not be able to. I guess I'll see.
It's about damn time I get a job, anyway.
And Jeremy says he'll pay for food and stuff so I can save up $500 for a laptop. So kind, this boyfriend. @.@
I'm not sure I'll try to get a job elsewhere if I can't get one at Dollar General, though. I'm mostly only able to make myself do it because Jeremy would be working there, too. Y'know, it's not too scary or anything.
I always go on about how I believe that anyone can change their lives and make their circumstances better, but sometimes...I don't know. It's like waking up in the morning. You know what you need to do. You need to get up, get dressed, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and leave the house. But it's so much easier to just lie back down again. And when the alarm clock rings in the morning, it feels like there's something keeping me from waking up that I can't control. Something inherent. And I wonder if maybe I'm wrong, and life is like that, too. And there are some people who can wake up just fine, some people who don't bother waking up early at all.
And I think that life is like playing music in band. Some people hit every note just right. But then there are people like me who have to struggle to keep up. We can't play the fast notes, the high and low notes. And we can play some stuff okay, some more difficult stuff just great, but we always get lost in all the things we can't do. And some people just can't find themselves to begin with. And I always feel like I'm trapped in my own mediocrity. I'll never be able to play notes that fast, that high, or that low. I'll always get stuck there. And I just don't think practice will help. Even if I get good at playing the fast notes in one song, the next song'll come along, and I'll be sunk.
And some people will get better with practice. Some people get new horns or get their old ones fixed. Something to help them jump forward.
And I wonder if I'll ever get to have anything like that.