conclusion to yesterdays entry
Okay, so like I said, I went over Jamie's yesterday. He was working at his little house up the road, so I stopped up there. He seemed in a perfectly fine mood, he did make a comment when I came that he was surpised to see me. We chatted for a while, I helped him decide on light coverings for the house, had a couple of beers. He started working on the trim in the master bedroom so I went in there with him, and we started talking about the bar and all the drama that happened that night, he almost got in two fights, (before I say this, I better tell you that Jamie is a big flirt) he was dancing with one of his friends, and I guess he had his hand on her ass, and her boyfriend got pissed so he sent his two brothers over, and they were saying shit to Jamie and pushing him, and Jamie almost punched both of them but kept his cool. I guess after that (I had already left by this time) someone was threatening to beat Randy's ass, he's got a broken leg and crutches, so Jamie was standing up for him, and so were a bunch of other guys, but no fights were started. So after he told me his story about the fights, he was like... "So Randy was hitting on you pretty hardcore last night." I said yea, but I was used to it, cause he usually hits on me when I go up there. And then Jamie said with a little attitude... "Well you were hitting on him right back too." I didn't really know what to say, cause I was! I just say yeah, and he rolled his eyes and didn't talk much for the rest of the time I was there. I should have asked him, well we are just friends aren't we, so it shouldn't matter. But I didn't think of it at the time. When I was leaving, I went to hug him and give him a kiss, he hugged me not like he usually does, there wasn't much love in the hug, and he only gave me a small peck on the lips. So, I guess he's mad, he said he would call me today though. If I was mad at someone, I wouldn't say that I was going to call them. And he actually did call me! I missed the call though, I'm going to call him tomorrow. I have been thinking a lot about why I just gave Randy my number. I didn't really understand why I did it. I realized that I am really confused right now, I think cause Randy is 24, I think it would be a whole lot easier I know my parents would have an easier time if I brought him home instead of Jamie. Inside, i REALLY like Jamie though, he has a great personality, an awesome sense of humor, I am really physically attracted to him, he cares a lot about me and hasn't really pressured me into having sex with him yet. Wherever I go, and whenever I go shopping all I can think about is how much Jamie would like a particular item I find that reminds me of him. He is on my mind 24/7 and I'm really falling for him. There is also another part of me that is telling me to try things with Randy and see what happens. The last thing I would ever do in my life would be to cheat on someone, I have dealt with enough of that shit from my dad to know how much it ruins a family and the other person involved. As of right now, I consider Jamie and I friends. I will hang out with Randy as a friend, I won't hide it from Jamie. Oh gosh, why do I have to make things harder for myself? I'm young, it's my time to date around! UGH!!! I'm so confused!!! I'm just going to let things happen, I'm just scared of hurting Jamie cause he has had ex-girlfriends who have cheated on him and I don't know if he will take this as cheating... it's not cause we aren't officially official though. I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND CONFUSED I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!