Why
Wow, Monday I had a really bad day. It was a bunch of shit put together. I realized that I'm going to be moving and I'm going to have to say goodbye to Jamie (oh great now I'm crying... I shouldn't have even wrote this!) which will be very hard. I'm just afraid that he will find someone else and won't be interested in me when I come back from college. The hardest person for me to say goodbye to would be Tonia, I'm going to have a fit, she is one of the most important people in my life, I love her dearly. She just lost her daughter, and I'm the person she has been leaning on throughout this whole thing, and the I will be gone, she can't even talk about it cause she starts crying. She has changed my life in so many ways, I love her to death, it's going to be SO hard! I'm going to have to say goodbye to Janice, which I am growing really close to, Monica, my dog and kitten. Oh gosh this is going to be bad! I'm bawling now just thinking about it. I finally get a group of people up here that I really truly am happy with, and I gotta move and start all over. This sucks. Yeah I wanna go, I need to get out of my house, and get a degree, I just don't want to leave my friends, and my man that I am falling harder and harder for everyday. UGH I'm so frustrated. That was just part of my bad day, It finally started to hit me that Brandi is gone, which I cried about all day. I can't cry by Tonia cause she needs me to be strong for her, but it's just so hard, I miss Brandi so much and I can't stand to see Tonia and Bob's pain. Tonia walks around like a zombie most of the time, Bob keeps having flashbacks about that morning. They are not getting any better, they are only getting worse. I wish there was more I could do, but there isn't. It makes it hard to have to be her best friend and be her shoulder to cry on whenever she needs me and want to cry myself, but can't cause it just makes it ten times harder on her. Anyone that knows Tonia knows that she was one of the happiest, funniest people you will ever meet, she has a smile that lights up a room, whenever I was in a bad mood (before all this happened) all she had to do was say one thing to me and she could cheer me up. To see her like I see her everyday is SO SO hard, she had her heart ripped out, she lost her baby, the most important thing in her life, (great Nicole, good topic to write on when your wearing mascara!) and there is nothing I can do for her.