(no subject)
I feel so unbelievably crappy and I have no idea why I feel so bad. I woke up in an ok mood, even considering it was 8:15am and had finally fell asleep at 3am. I jogged for 15 minutes over to my cousins house so we could go jogging and then we went jogging around the "lake" she lives by. I could barely run after I got to the lake. We made it around twice (we walked a bit too) before I gave up. I wouldn't even consider it a lake because of how small it is...it's more like a big pond. I'm so mad at myself because I didn't push myself even harder than I was.
But anyways, after that we went to her house to wait for our friend to pick us up to take us to the beach...but she slept in so we had to sit around and wait for our other friend to come get us since she was driving instead. It wasn't so bad because we watched Degrassi, but she made me feel guilty about not eating yogurt (I don't know how she does it) so I gave in. It was only 35 calories though and I felt I needed something in my body because I was already starting to shake and had a headache from low blood sugar. Well anyways, we got to the beach and my cousin and the friend who drove wanted to go play football and frisbee but me and our other friend wanted to lay there and work on our tans...so they got mad and walked away mumbling stuff about us under their breath. Well this started to put me in a bad mood. But after not giving in we decided to go swimming and then after we went swimming we went into town to buy lunch, even though I had half a bagel in my bag. So we decided to share a plate of fries and I tried my hardest to not give in, but I did. I had probably a cup of fries but I felt SOO SO guilty. I wanted to go into the bathroom and try to throw it all up but my I think my cousin is bulimic so I was afraid she would follow me in. So after that we went back to the beach and we went swimming again. When we got back I was shaking again from low blood sugar so I decided to finish my bagel (I had some of it some time before we went into town). I really hated myself for it so I was set on not eating for the rest of the day but my mom made bean burritos, veggies, and fries for supper so I had to eat or else she'd get suspicious. I put as little stuff as I could inside the burrito, took 4 fries, and some cucumbers and green peppers, and went upstairs to eat at the computer. I ripped off half of the wrap because I was scared of the carbs and calories, but I basically devoured the rest. I feel so ashamed with myself. I understand all this is the reason I'd be in a bad mood, but not as bad as I feel now.
After that I went mini golfing with my friend who I hadn't seen for a year because she moved to New Brunswick, two of her best friends, my former best friend, her new best friend, and her new best friend's bf. Well I hate my former best friend's new best friend with a burning passion because she's sooooo annoying. She was making her boyfriend carry her sweater and then started complaining that she was getting wet when it started raining. Then she was just asking me stupid questions and when I didn't answer them enthusiastically enough for her she'd call me a snob. Then guess what everyone decided to do? Go to McDonald's. Yay...more fast food :( Well I'm so proud that I never gave in and ate anything, but just being in the building made me feel like crap. I was instantly depressed.
When I got home after that, my mom asked me what was wrong two seconds after I got in the door. I smiled and said nothing, then walked upstairs. I wanted to hide my body. I'm soo ashamed of it. After her and her boyfriend went to bed I had some more cucumbers and green peppers, and a piece of vegetarian sushi. I'm going to try and work most of that stuff off after I finish this post even though I'm so exhausted from no sleep last night. I CAN'T gain weight from this. I should probably go no or else I'm gunna pass out of the keyboard.
P.S. - To make it all worse I think it's almost that time of the month :( I'm gunna feel more bloated and discusting than I do right now. I wish I was able to make myself purge cuz maybe I wouldn't feel so crappy right now. And to make it even worse, I work tomorrow at a fast food restaurant during supper. I WILL NOT EAT TOMORROW. I'm gunna go on a water fast for 24 hours starting now. I think I'll be able to do it considering I'm probably gunna sleep through most of those hours anyways.
P.S.S - I honestly don't know why I'm feeling this depressed though. I feel even worse than how the days events should make me feel :'(
But anyways, after that we went to her house to wait for our friend to pick us up to take us to the beach...but she slept in so we had to sit around and wait for our other friend to come get us since she was driving instead. It wasn't so bad because we watched Degrassi, but she made me feel guilty about not eating yogurt (I don't know how she does it) so I gave in. It was only 35 calories though and I felt I needed something in my body because I was already starting to shake and had a headache from low blood sugar. Well anyways, we got to the beach and my cousin and the friend who drove wanted to go play football and frisbee but me and our other friend wanted to lay there and work on our tans...so they got mad and walked away mumbling stuff about us under their breath. Well this started to put me in a bad mood. But after not giving in we decided to go swimming and then after we went swimming we went into town to buy lunch, even though I had half a bagel in my bag. So we decided to share a plate of fries and I tried my hardest to not give in, but I did. I had probably a cup of fries but I felt SOO SO guilty. I wanted to go into the bathroom and try to throw it all up but my I think my cousin is bulimic so I was afraid she would follow me in. So after that we went back to the beach and we went swimming again. When we got back I was shaking again from low blood sugar so I decided to finish my bagel (I had some of it some time before we went into town). I really hated myself for it so I was set on not eating for the rest of the day but my mom made bean burritos, veggies, and fries for supper so I had to eat or else she'd get suspicious. I put as little stuff as I could inside the burrito, took 4 fries, and some cucumbers and green peppers, and went upstairs to eat at the computer. I ripped off half of the wrap because I was scared of the carbs and calories, but I basically devoured the rest. I feel so ashamed with myself. I understand all this is the reason I'd be in a bad mood, but not as bad as I feel now.
After that I went mini golfing with my friend who I hadn't seen for a year because she moved to New Brunswick, two of her best friends, my former best friend, her new best friend, and her new best friend's bf. Well I hate my former best friend's new best friend with a burning passion because she's sooooo annoying. She was making her boyfriend carry her sweater and then started complaining that she was getting wet when it started raining. Then she was just asking me stupid questions and when I didn't answer them enthusiastically enough for her she'd call me a snob. Then guess what everyone decided to do? Go to McDonald's. Yay...more fast food :( Well I'm so proud that I never gave in and ate anything, but just being in the building made me feel like crap. I was instantly depressed.
When I got home after that, my mom asked me what was wrong two seconds after I got in the door. I smiled and said nothing, then walked upstairs. I wanted to hide my body. I'm soo ashamed of it. After her and her boyfriend went to bed I had some more cucumbers and green peppers, and a piece of vegetarian sushi. I'm going to try and work most of that stuff off after I finish this post even though I'm so exhausted from no sleep last night. I CAN'T gain weight from this. I should probably go no or else I'm gunna pass out of the keyboard.
P.S. - To make it all worse I think it's almost that time of the month :( I'm gunna feel more bloated and discusting than I do right now. I wish I was able to make myself purge cuz maybe I wouldn't feel so crappy right now. And to make it even worse, I work tomorrow at a fast food restaurant during supper. I WILL NOT EAT TOMORROW. I'm gunna go on a water fast for 24 hours starting now. I think I'll be able to do it considering I'm probably gunna sleep through most of those hours anyways.
P.S.S - I honestly don't know why I'm feeling this depressed though. I feel even worse than how the days events should make me feel :'(