fic for miss_jelly

[newsficcon_mods]

Gift fic for: miss_jelly
From: changetje

Title: The Way We Were
Pairing: Kato Shigeaki x Yamashita Tomohisa, mentioning of other pairings.
Rating: R
Genre: AU, angst, some romance.
Warnings: Angst, sex, power abuse, mentioning of character death
Summary: By accident, Shige ends up in an old mansion. But why do all the inhabitants act so weird? And who is this man who they all seem so afraid of?
Notes: For miss_jelly! :D I tried to write something you’ll like, so I really hope you’ll enjoy this fic!

This fic is slightly inspired by a teenage novel I read years ago and of which I don’t remember the title nor the author XD Everyone in this fic is older than eighteen years.

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Wind was blowing strongly in his face. The sky above him dark and sinister. It would be raining any minute now. to swallow him whole. But that didn’t stop him. He just needed to keep walking, keep walking and get away.

He held his camera tightly in his hand. The only thing he cared for in this world. Or maybe that was what he thought.

There, the first drop finally fell. And then there were more, falling straight from the sky. He tried to shield the camera from the rain, while holding up an arm to shield himself.

When he reached the bridge, he didn’t think. He crossed it without a second thought. He should’ve thought better.

And then, he fell and fell and fell.

-

The photographer

Shige woke up with a throbbing headache and a hand wrapped around his wrist. Someone said something, but Shige, laying with his head pressed against the wet ground, couldn’t make out the words. He didn’t know where he was or what had happened. All he knew was that his head hurt like hell and his arm stung badly.

“Come on, boy. Get up,” the voice said again and this time it sounded less like gibberish and more like real words. The hand tugged on his arm, trying to get Shige to his feet.

He finally opened his eyes and all he saw were feet next to him and sand beneath them. The hand tugged again, making him sit up straight. He blinked, drowsily, like he’d been sleeping. Slowly, the scenery around him started to get clearer. He now could hear the streaming of water - a river. They were on a river bank. It was raining - hard and the raindrops clattered down on them.

“What happened?” Shige groaned, his voice hoarse.

“Get up,” was the only answer he got. The hand pulled again and Shige finally gave in, getting to his feet. His vision swayed a little and it took him a moment, before he could see the person in front of him.

It was a boy, maybe a few years older than him. He had auburn hair and a very feminine face. Before Shige could ask what his name was, he turned around on his heel and said,

“Come on, before it gets dark.” The guy walked away with big steps.

Shige followed him, still dazed. He really couldn’t remember what had happened… All he remembered was- his camera!

He looked down to his chest and released the breath he’d been holding. His camera was still there, around his neck. He didn’t know how that was possible, since he’d just washed ashore, but he was relieved it wasn’t gone. He grasped it tightly, hoping it’d still work.

They walked in silence. Shige didn’t look around much. His head still hurt and so did his arm. He looked down at it, to see that his entire arm was covered in blood. He had to stand still for a moment, preventing himself from falling over. He had never been good around blood, even when it was his own. Well - he figured it was his own.

After minutes, maybe ten, the guy finally stopped walking and Shige almost bumped into him. “We’re here,” he announced. Shige hadn't seen the scenery changing, but when he looked up, he saw they were in a garden -- and in front of them was a huge mansion. Western style. Shige could already count six windows on the first floor and three on the second…

“Whoa,” he whispered to himself. What was this place? Did the boy live here? Why had he taken Shige there?

The guy walked through the garden and opened the unlocked door. Shige still stood there, staring at the house. “Well, are you coming or not?” the boy barked.

“Oh yes,” Shige answered hastily. He ran towards the door and followed the other inside, where it was just as impressive. The hall they'd entered was big, with a high ceiling and a wooden floor. A staircase was on their right, a heavy oak door on their left.

“Go through there,” the boy gestured with his hand to the kitchen door. “I'll be there in a second.”

Shige nodded and slowly walked through the doorway, that led to a huge kitchen. There was a big oven (like those in Italy) a giant wooden table with matching chairs, all sorts of fruit on platters, pots hanging on the wall... Shige wondered who lived here. Someone really rich, seeing all this. No common man could afford a place like this.

He sat down on one of the chairs, carefully resting his arm on the table. The boy came back with an emergency kit and started treating Shige's hurt upper arm, without a word. Shige gritted his teeth when the wound - a cut, not too deep, but it still stung - had to be cleaned.

“What happened?” he said, when the boy was done bandaging his arm.

The boy didn't look at him as he answered. “The wooden bridge that leads here broke down just a few hours ago. And you were on it. I was nearby and saw you falling into the river. Not a pretty sight... But luckily, the stream here isn't that wild, so by the time I reached the river, you had already managed to climb out.”

Oh. Yeah, that was what had happened… Somehow, Shige remembered it again, the memories and images floating back into his mind. The bridge... The one he crossed without even thinking. What had he been thinking? It hadn't looked stable. He should had waited until the storm had passed. But it had looked so tempting...

Now he also remembered where he'd gotten that cut. The water had smashed him against the rocks. Before slipping away again, he could grab one of the rocks with his fingertips, slowly hoisting himself out of the angry river. And then he'd hit his head on another rock and lost consciousness... He winced at the memory.

“Thanks,” Shige said softly, when the boy was done bandaging. The other closed the kit again, not reacting to what Shige said.

“I'll get you some food.” He got Shige a few slices of bread and some cheese and fruit, but Shige didn't really feel like eating. He knew he had to, though, and he ate until his entire plate was clear. Meanwhile, the boy had started cleaning the kitchen and when Shige was done eating, he grabbed the plate immediately and started washing it.

“Could you tell me your name?” Shige said softly. It was weird being at someone’s place without even knowing the owners’ name.

But again, the boy ignored him. “I’ll show you to your room.”

Your room? Shige thought, confused. What room? What was he talking about? He didn’t like this guy very much.. He kind of scared Shige, despite his soft facial features. His eyes weren’t friendly-looking. Actually, he looked really intimidating.

“Um, thanks for the food and everything, but I think I’ll be going now.” Shige got up and grabbed his camera from the table, but the boy stood before him in seconds, blocking his way.

“Are you really going back into this weather?” the boy said with raised eyebrows. He nodded at the windows; the rain was still coming down in buckets. “Go ahead. But I’m not rescuing you again.”

“N-no,” Shige stuttered.

“Well, then. I’ll show you to your room.” The other turned around, left the kitchen and went up the stairs. Shige followed him quietly.

A few moments later they were on the first floor. There were at least five different doors in the corridor and the boy walked to the second one on the right. “You can sleep there,” the boy announced.

“The bathroom is here. You can find towels in the closet.” He opened the door next to Shige’s room. “Go shower. I’ll get you some dry clothes. I’ll leave them at the door.”

He left before Shige could say anything, so instead he stepped into the bathroom and locked the door. Letting out the breath he’d been holding, he leaned against the door. He had no idea where he was or why he was here… He was annoyed by the fact that the boy hadn’t given him any answers at all. What was this place? Where were the boy’s parents, or did he live here alone? He felt like he’d ended up in some TV-drama. Well, not that the last few weeks hadn’t felt like a drama…

He stripped off his half-dried clothes and turned on the shower. When the hot water hit his tired shoulders, he couldn’t help but letting out a soft moan. Exhaustion washed over him and he closed his eyes. He was so tired… Maybe staying here for the night wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

After his shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and slowly unlocked the door to get the clothes the boy left there for him. There was a small pile of clothes on the ground, containing underwear, pajamas, pants and a plain white shirt. He pulled on the pajamas and while rubbing his still wet hair with the towel, he left the bathroom with the rest of the clothes under his arm.

The boy was nowhere to be seen, so Shige figured he could just go to sleep. He walked to his room and just was about to open the door, when he heard soft giggling coming from the other side of the corridor. He turned around quickly and he could just see a shadowed face in one of the doorways, before the door shut again.

Shige stopped breathing for a moment, his heart was beating fast in his chest. As quickly as possible, he opened the door, slipped inside and sat down on the bed, legs still feeling like pudding. What was this place?

He laid down on the fairly hard mattress and covered himself with the blanket. Only one night. He’d stay only one night, by morning he’d be gone. He would make sure of that.

-

The boxer

The next morning, when Shige woke up, the storm had subsided. The sky was still dark, but it wasn’t raining anymore.

He got up, changed back into his own clothes and left the others on the bed. He wouldn’t need them, because he was leaving as soon as possible. He just wanted to go downstairs, when someone called his name.

“Kato!”

“Yes?” Shige turned around to see the boy from the day before standing near the stairs that lead to the second floor.

“There’s breakfast in the kitchen. Go there.”

Shige found himself nodding, before he even noticed. Breakfast wouldn’t hurt right? Who knew when he would eat again? Maybe he could steal some bread before he had to continue his journey…

Hang on… The boy had just called him by his name, but Shige couldn’t recall telling him! He turned around again, but the boy had already disappeared. Shige started to get more creeped out by the second. He quickly went down the stairs and into the kitchen. He needed to get out of here, soon.

Surprised, he stopped in the doorway. He’d expected to be the only one here, but there was another boy sitting in the kitchen. The boy was stuffing his face with white rice, but stopped eating when Shige appeared.

“Oh, you’re the new guy, right?” the boy said, but Shige didn’t seem to hear it. The boy - or man, really - was gorgeous. Shige’d never seen such beautiful person in his entire life. The boy had pitch-black hair that just reached his chin, high cheekbones and full lips. The only thing that didn’t seem beautiful were his eyes, though… They were black, like unending wells and almost soulless.

“Hello?” the boy said, trying to get Shige’s attention.

“Um - oh, yeah,” Shige said with a nod, tearing his eyes from the boy’s body, that seemed just as beautiful as his face.

“Come sit down.” The other gestured to the chair next to him. “There’s still some rice if you want.”

Shige nodded again, sitting down next to the boy. He had trouble not to start staring again. The other boy, the one that ‘rescued’ him, had been pretty. But this guy…just took his breath away.

“W-what’s your name?” Shige asked carefully.

“Me? I’m Yamashita,” the boy said with a faint smile. “And you?”

“Kato,” Shige answered quickly. “Kato Shigeaki.”

Yamashita got up to refill his now empty bowl. “I’ll get you some, too. There’s also miso soup and salad.”

“Thank you,” Shige replied. “Um, Yamashita-san… Do you live here?”

“Well live…” Yamashita began answering. “I wouldn’t it call living… I’m just here.”

Just here? Why was everyone so vague here? Shige sighed and rested his bandaged arm on the table. It still hurt every now and then.

“That other boy,” he continued, determined to get at least some answers, “he didn’t tell me anything.”

“Oh, Ueda? Yeah, he can be like that.”

Oh, so that was his name. Shige didn’t understand why the boy couldn’t tell it himself.

“Here,” Yamashita set a few bowls in front of Shige and sat down on his own chair again.

“Thanks,” Shige murmured, before grabbing the bowl of rice and starting to stuff his own face.

“You arrived yesterday, right?” Yamashita said. “I heard you two coming home. Have you seen the Master yet?”

“He hasn’t, Tomohisa.”

Both Shige and Yamashita turned their heads, to see an unfamiliar man standing in the doorway - well, at least he was unfamiliar to Shige. The man was dressed in a black suit and had brown wavy hair. Shige felt kind of intimidated, but he didn’t know why. Ueda was standing behind the man.

“Hello, Shigeaki,” the man said with a smile on his way too perfect face, while walking to Shige. “Welcome to my mansion. It seems that we haven’t met yet.” He grabbed Shige’s good hand and shook it. Shige didn’t shake back, he could only stare at the man. Who was this person? Was he the owner of this place?

“Um, h-hi,” Shige said finally and the man let go of his hand.

“Tatsuya here,” the man put a hand on Ueda’s shoulder, “told me you arrived last night. What a storm, huh? Luckily, the river didn’t swallow you up!” He laughed, but Shige didn’t laugh with him. He didn’t like this person at all.

“Shigeaki, why don’t you eat your breakfast and meet me in the library in a bit? I’d love to chat with your for awhile!” The man gave him another smile, before strolling away. Ueda followed him obediently.

“Who was that?” Shige breathed once they were gone. He turned around to look at Yamashita, but the boy didn’t react. His face was pale and his eyes were even more soulless than before.

“Yamashita-san?” he tried again, waving his hand in front of the other’s face.

“What? Oh, sorry,” Yamashita snapped out of his thoughts and smiled at Shige, as if nothing happened. “That’s just the Master.”

“The Master?” Shige echoed.

Yamashita nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know his real name… He never told us.”

Shige looked back at the door, as if the man was still there. This was getting weirder and weirder. That man... Who was he? Yamashita seemed terrified of him. And who had been the person that he saw last night?

“Are there more people here?” he asked, while sipping his miso soup. “I saw someone last night… In the doorway.”

“Oh, that’s just Nishikido. Don’t worry about him.” Yamashita was obviously done talking, because he got up to put his bowls on the kitchen counter and said, “I’ll be in the garden… If I were you, I’d hurry up and go to the library. The Master doesn’t like to wait.” With those words he left the kitchen. A moment later a door was opened and closed and Shige could see the boy through the window, running away from the house.

Shige did hurry up, but because of entirely different reasons. Because he wasn’t planning on going to the library. He was leaving. There were strange things going on in this house and he didn’t want to have anything to do with it He found some bread in one of the cupboards and a canvas bag on the hat stand. He also got some fruit from the platters. That would have to do for now.

Just when he was about to leave through the front door, someone grabbed his shirt from behind.

“Let me go!” Shige yelled, trying to struggle free, but the person - probably Ueda - was much stronger than him.

“Where do you think you are going?” Ueda hissed in his ear. He grabbed the bag out of Shige’s hands. “Running away, huh? Oh no, Kato. There’s no running away now. You are already too late.” He tossed the bag aside and dragged Shige through the door next to the kitchen. They entered another hall with more doors. Ueda halted in front of one and knocked shortly on the door.

“Come in,” the man’s voice said in singsong and Ueda opened the door, pushing Shige inside so that he fell to the ground. Shige groaned when he landed on his bad arm. What the hell was going on? Too late? What was Ueda talking about?

“He tried to escape,” Ueda nearly spat, his face showing something that looked like disgust. “Just like that other boy. Tegoshi.”

“Now now, be nice, Tatsuya,” the man smiled; he seemed not to be bothered at all. He put away the magazine that he had been reading and got up to offer Shige a hand. Shige grumbled, but took the hand anyway, letting himself be pulled up to his feet.

“That’s all, Tatsuya,” the man said, before closing the door in Ueda’s face. He walked back to the brown leather chair near the window and pointed to the twin chair next to his. “Sit down, Shigeaki.”

Shige didn’t like that the man called him with his first name. He barely knew the guy. But he did do what the man had told him - he didn’t want to be dragged around again. Now he finally got the chance to see where he was. They were in a fairly-sized room, three walls covered with book shelves and books, from floor to ceiling. Only the side of the window, where they were sitting, wasn’t covered in books.

“So, Shigeaki… You mustn’t run away, okay? Just accept that you’ll be staying here for a while. Tea?” Without waiting for an answer, the man poured two cups of tea.

“Then tell me why the hell I’m here in the first place,” Shige said through gritted teeth. He was starting to get really annoyed. He wanted to know why he was here and who that man was.

“Oh, that’s not important right now,” the man said. He added sugar and milk to his own tea and started to stir it. “So. You like photography?” He nodded to the camera around Shige’s neck.

“Tell me your name,” Shige demanded with narrowed eyes.

The man smiled. “Didn’t Tomohisa tell you already? You can call me the Master.”

“Your real name.”

“I don’t have one,” the man kept smiling and Shige wanted to punch his stupid, smiling face. His weirdly-shaped eyebrows were stupid, too.

“Who are you?” Shige kept demanding answers.

But the man never gave them. “Not important, Shigeaki. See, nothing is important right now. Why don’t you drink your tea and tell me something about your photos?” He sipped his own tea and watched Shige with an amused look on his face.

“No,” Shige replied. “That’s not important right now.”

“Oh really?” The man raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t they? I bet they were important to Yamada-kun.”

Shige felt how all the blood left his face. “H-how do you know-”

“Oh, I know everything, Shigeaki. Everything. Why don’t you drink your tea?”

-

The actor

Half an later, Shige left the library, dazed and confused. He had no idea what had just happened. All he knew was that he wanted to get away, from this house, from that man, from this whole place. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

He needed some fresh air. He stumbled through the hall, to the front door, that swung open within seconds. Outside, he already felt a lot better. The fresh air cleared his mind a bit and he sat down on the wooden bench under the kitchen window. He had no idea how that man - the Master - could've known about all of that. The things that happened... He didn't even know the guy and yet, yet he seemed to know everything about Shige. And that scared him. What else did he know about Shige? He also said he shouldn't try and run again, but Shige wasn't even planning to do a second attempt--

“Hi there,” a voice said. Shige turned around so quickly his neck hurt. A third boy was leaning against the wall. Another handsome guy. Black hair in a bowl cut, twinkling eyes and a huge grin on his face. His smile wasn't friendly.

“H-hello,” Shige said, mentally kicking himself for stuttering all the time.

“I scared you last night, didn't I?” The boy sat down next to him, a little too close maybe. Shige scooted a bit further away from him.

so it was his face Shige had seen last night He shook his head. “No,” he said, trying to appear all nonchalant.

“I scared you,” the boy grinned. “You almost...screamed.” He chuckled. Shige already didn't like him. Where all people in this house insane or something? Well, maybe except for Yamashita. He seemed fairly normal, if you didn't count the eyes.

“Yeah, I know. You're scared. Of the Master. I'd better look out if I were you,” the boy went on, “or else he might...” he leaned forward to whisper in Shige's ear, “do something to you.” Again, he laughed, a crazy laugh.

“C-could you please go away?” Shige said, staring at the flowers in front of them.

'Hmm, let me think... No.” The boy sat closer again. “You know why I am in this place? Huh, huh?” He put an arm around Shige's shoulder and laid his other hand on Shige's thigh.

“Don't do that,” Shige called out, trying to push away the boy, but he was way too strong for him, just like Ueda.

“Oh but I know you like it--”

“Nishikido.”

To Shige's relief, Yamashita appeared from behind a tree and walked up to them. “Let him go, Nishikido.” He stared at the other boy and somehow, he let go of Shige.

“Okay, okay, I'm already going,” Nishikido said with his hands in the air. “I was just having some fun.”

“We'll talk later,” Yamashita called after him, while Nishikido disappeared back into the house.

“I'm sorry about that,” Yamashita said, sliding a hand through his hair. “He's just a little...”

“Insane?” Shige choked out.

Yamashita pulled a face. “Yeah, something like that. You okay?”

Shige nodded. “Yeah...” Well, as far as he could be okay.

“You mind if I sit next to you?” Yamashita nodded to the bench.

“Um no, of course not.”

The other sat down. “You want to go for a run sometime? There's a path over there,” he made a vague gesture with his hand. “Great for jogging. I love to work-out.” He looked at Shige and gave him a lopsided grin. Shige's stomach flopped around.

“I can see that,” Shige said, before he could stop himself. Yamashita's arms were muscled and well-toned. His chest seemed to be like that too, as far as Shige could see through Yamashita's white tank top.

“Yeah. Takes my mind of things, y'know. You should come.”

“Maybe another time,” Shige answered. “My arm, you see.” That was just an excuse. He really did like Yamashita, but he just wanted to be alone for a while. Think things over.

“Oh of course,” Yamashita said, understanding. “Does it hurt a lot?”

Shige shook his head. “Not so much.”

“Good.” Yamashita stood up again. “I'll see you later then.” He waved at Shige, before jogging away again. Shige watched him, until he disappeared fully. Yamashita seemed to be the only sane person here.

But maybe he shouldn't be so sure about that.

-

The rest of the day, Shige lounged in the garden. He didn't feel like going back inside, where Ueda, Nishikido and the Master were. So outside it was. After sitting on the bench for a while, he moved to the grass in the middle of the garden. It was surrounded by trees and plants. He watched the sky for a bit. It wasn't as dark any more, but still grey. There wasn't much to see, so instead Shige closed his eyes, quickly drifting off into a dreamless sleep...

He woke up, hours later, when he heard the sound of footsteps passing nearby. He rubbed his still sleepy eyes and got up to see who it was. Yamashita.

“Hi there,” Yamashita said. “It’s dinner time. Coming?”

Shige nodded. Despite sleeping all the time, he was still hungry and his stomach rumbled. So he followed Yamashita back into the house, to the kitchen, where the entire table was filled with all sorts of food.

“We’re having Italian today!” Yamashita told Shige excitedly, when they sat down. “I love spaghetti.”

“I know,” Ueda grunted, who set down the last plate of lasagna and joined them at the table.

“Yamashita is a glutton~” Nishikido sang, who’d just entered the kitchen as well. He sat down opposite from Shige and winked at him. “Hi, Kato,” he said, but quickly shut up when Yamashita gave him a look.

Shige was just wondering where the Master was, when the man walked in. “How lovely!” he exaggeratedly called out. “All the boys together!” He sat down at the head of the table. “Well, let’s eat, shall we? You can go first, Shige. You’re new, after all!”

Without looking at the man, Shige filled his plate with all sorts of Italian food and started eating immediately. He could feel four pairs of eyes on him, but he didn’t look up.

After the Master had filled his plate as well, he gave the sign it was the boys’ turn and they literally attacked the food on the table, but Shige didn’t see. He only focused on his food. He didn’t want to see Ueda and Nishikido - and certainly not the Master.

After dinner, Ueda started to clean up everything, while the Master spoke to Yamashita:

“Tomohisa… I think it needs to be tested tonight. You certainly want to do that for me, don’t you?”

Yamashita nodded slowly, suddenly very quiet. “Of course, Master,” he said in a soft voice, his eyes averted.

“Good,” the Master smiled. “Help Tatsuya and come to my office afterwards.” He turned to Shige. “Shigeaki, you can go. Tomohisa and Tatsuya will clean up tonight.”

So Shige did, escaping back to his room without a second of hesitation.

-

In the next few days, Shige came to learn a lot more about the inhabitants of the house. For one, they all were pretty much insane (he wondered if that made him the same). Secondly, there was something odd going on with their past… And third, they were all terrified of the Master.

Shige knew, because every night, the Master asked one of them to come to his library - or do some special chore for him. And when they returned, they all looked pale and scared. Even Nishikido.

It started with Yamashita. While Shige was sitting on his bed, staring at the wall, he could hear gunshots coming from behind the house. The loud noise had startled him at first. He wondered what was happening. But maybe thirty minutes later, he heard someone coming up the stairs. He hurried to see who it was. He could just see Yamashita returning to his own room. He was shaking, pale and sweaty. Shige actually felt sorry for him. He had no idea what had happened to Yamashita, but he knew it wasn’t pretty…

The second day it had been Nishikido. This time, Shige was in the kitchen getting a late-night snack from the fridge, when Nishikido passed by to go upstairs. His grin had faded from his face and his eyes looked blank. Shige knew it had to be the Master.

The third day, it was Ueda. In the early morning, Shige happened to be looking out of the window to see him coming home. He was carrying a big bag and boxing gloves. He looked angry and exhausted. And again, Shige knew.

He’d expected it to be his turn again on the fifth day of his stay, but the Master’s request never came. Instead, the Master retreated to his office without saying anything, so Shige figured he didn’t have to come tonight.

Over the days, Shige started to hang out a lot with Yamashita. They ran a few miles in the woods near the mansion every night. They didn’t really speak much - Yamashita was not that much of a talker - but Shige liked that. They didn’t need words to become friends. Just running along to each other for hours was enough.

After a particularly long run on that same fifth day, they returned to the mansion, all sweaty but contented. While Shige went up to shower, Yamashita made them ramen.

“What about you?” Shige asked, when he walked into the kitchen - already in pajamas and his hair still damp.

“I’ll shower later,” Yamashita replied, as he gave Shige a noodle cup. “Here, eat.”

They ate in silence, just like they always did.

“Yamashita-san…” Shige started slowly, trying to ask what he’d been meaning to ask for a few days now, “that day, I heard gunshots-”

“Don’t,” Yamashita said harshly, cutting of Shige’s sentence. “Don’t ask.” Then added softly, “Please.”

Shige nodded. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, before returning to his cup noodles.

Yamashita finished his own first and got up. “I’ll go first. Good night, Kato-san.”

“Night, Yamashita-san.”

He watched the other boy leaving, then finished the rest of the noodles without any hurries. He had seen it again, the fear on Yamashita’s face, the sheer panic when Shige asked about the gunshots. There was something going on. Why would the Master ask Yamashita to do something, when he obviously hated it? Or was that what the Master wanted? Did he wanted them scared? Well, he was doing a very good job then. Because Shige was just as afraid as the rest of them.

He threw the empty cup into the bin and went upstairs to his room. He laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling like he often did. He didn’t want to think about Yamashita anymore, but somehow, the boy seemed to be stuck permanently in his mind. His friendly face, his muscled body, his smile. He sighed, covering his eyes with his arm. This was how it’d started a year ago… And it ruined everything. He should forget about Yamashita already.

After a while, he remembered he’d left his clothes in the bathroom, so he got up to get them. Yamashita should be finished by now, right? He tried if the door was locked, but it wasn’t, so he slowly pushed it open. His eyes widened at the sight.

Because the bathroom was still occupied. By Yamashita. Shige couldn’t stop staring. He knew he shouldn’t, but he really couldn’t. Because Yamashita was touching himself.

The shower was still running, but aimed at the wall Yamashita was leaning on. That’s why Shige hadn’t heard it. He swallowed heavily as his eyes settled on Yamashita’s erection in the boy’s hand. Yamashita softly moaned, moving his hand up and down. Shige had to get out of here. He couldn’t just keep watching someone jerk off. It was just too private… And yet he couldn’t move at all. All he could do was keep watching how Yamashita licked his lips and increased the speed of his hand.

To his embarrassment, he felt himself getting aroused as well. This was probably a cue to turn around and go back to his own room, but instead he just leaned against the doorway to get a better view. And then he made the mistake of letting out a soft moan when Yamashita did.

The other opened his eyes and looked straight into Shige’s.

Oh God. He’d seen him. Shige didn’t know what do. Run? Apologize? But he didn’t have to do any of it, because Yamashita gestured him to come in.

Shige blinked in shock. Did Yamashita really want him to come in? But when the other mouthed, “Come here,” Shige didn’t hesitate any longer and hastily stepped inside, locking the door behind him.

“Join me,” Yamashita moaned, while he twisted his wrist.

Shige nodded. He got out of his clothes and joined him under the warm water. Then, he lost all his courage and didn’t know what to do anymore. But Yamashita did. He grabbed Shige’s hand and made him join his own.

They both moaned at the contact. Shige quickly started to jerk Yamashita off, knowing the other had been very close to coming just a few minutes ago. Yamashita’s breathing got heavier and his hips bucked up into Shige’s hand, his eyes squeezed shut. A few moments later, he came all over Shige’s hand. He opened his eyes and looked at Shige with dazed eyes.

He didn’t say anything, but switched them around so it was Shige who leaned against the wall and closed his hand around Shige’s erection. Shige groaned, bumping his head against the wall as he let his head fall back. But he didn’t mind, because Yamashita’s hand felt so good around him. Yamashita started to stroke him, hard and fast, thumbing the slit a few times. Shige pressed the palms of his hands flat against the wall and bucked up his hips into the tunnel of Yamashita’s hand. He wouldn’t last any longer, he could feel it in the pit of his stomach - with a loud moan he reached his climax as well.

Breathing harshly, he slumped down the wall. Yamashita joined him. They both looked up to the water coming down, but neither looked at each other.

“Thanks,” Yamashita then said.

Shige didn’t know why he was thanking him, but he nodded anyway. “Sure.”

-

That night, Shige had a very disturbing dream.

In his dream, he was laying in his bed, his camera next to him on the pillow. The door went open and Yamashita stepped inside. “Ssht,” he said, when Shige tried to say something. Yamashita put the camera on the nightstand and slipped under the covers, next to Shige.

Yamashita’s body felt nice against his, just like Yamashita’s fingers on his stomach. “That feels nice,” Shige sighed with his eyes closed.

“Ooh, Shige likes boys!” Yamashita giggled into his ear, but when Shige opened his eyes, it was Nishikido laying next to him and it was Nishikido’s hands on his stomach. Shige screamed and tried to push him away, but Nishikido only pulled him closer and laughed his creepy laugh. “Oh, no, you won’t be getting away now, Kato!”

A different hand took away his camera from the nightstand and tossed it into the air, then caught it again.

“Don’t do that!” Shige cried in anguish, while trying to resist Nishikido, but the Master only chuckled.

“So many pretty pictures, Shigeaki,” he said in singsong.”So many pretty boys, Shigeaki…”

Then he leaned forward and hovered over Shige like the night, like a secret.

Shige could only scream.

-

The idol

The next day, it was his turn again.

During breakfast, everything seemed normal between him and Yamashita. The older boy told him good morning when he entered the kitchen, just like they hadn’t done anything weird last night. Like nothing had happened. Shige didn’t know if he was happy or disappointed about that. But then again. It wasn’t like Yamashita had confessed to him or something.

Shige ate his toast slowly, staring out of the window every now and then. The dream he’d had last night still bothered him. He’d woken up drenched in cold sweat, his face pushed into the pillow like someone had held him down. He knew no one had been in his room, but that didn’t change the fact that he was scared. So scared. Of Nishikido. But even more of the Master…

“Shigeaki,” a smooth voice said behind him, a hand on his shoulder. Shige’s heart skipped a beat and his stomach flipped over. He slowly turned around to see the Master standing behind him.

“Y-yeah?” he murmured. The Master still freaked him out.

“Why don’t you come to my office after you’re done eating? I have some wonderful pictures I want to show you.”

Slowly, Shige felt himself nodding. Even if he wanted to say no, he still couldn’t.

“Great!” The Master squeezed Shige’s shoulder, before leaving again.

Yamashita gave Shige a questioning look. “Pictures?” he asked.

“It’s nothing,” Shige muttered, crumbling his toast between his fingers. He now realized why Yamashita didn’t want to talk about the gunshots. Shige himself didn’t want to talk about this either.

They both ate in silence, until Yamashita told him he’d be in the garden - just like always, leaving Shige alone in the kitchen. He tried stretching the time as much as possible, but actually it only made him more nervous and after thirty minutes he really had to go.

The office was on the other side of the hall, opposite to the library. Shige knocked on the door, but no one answered, so he guessed he could go in on his own. The office was empty - the Master wasn’t there yet.

It was a small room, with an old, wooden desk filled with papers and books. There was also a window, but the curtains were shut. On the right side there were was a dresser with a hat stand next to it. On the other side of the room was another door, making Shige wonder how many doors this house actually had.

Shige walked to the desk, looking at the papers on it. They didn’t seem interesting. The drawers, however, did. One of them was slightly open and Shige’s hand was already underway to open it. He knew he shouldn’t. But it was so tempting and hey, it wasn’t his fault the drawer had already been open, right?

He slowly opened the drawer and his eyes widened in shock when he saw what was in it. A gun. A black, shiny gun. Probably the one that Yamashita was forced to do who-knows-what with… Before he knew it, he’d picked it up. It felt heavy in his hand, but somehow it also felt powerful… Then he saw something else laying in the drawer. A folder. He put down the gun on the desk and pulled the folder out.

It was an ordinary, brown, paper folder. Well, Shige thought it was. Until he opened it and saw his own name on the first page.

Kato Shigeaki.

His heart started to beat ten times faster and his hands were almost shaking. A folder. About him. Why would the Master have such thing? Unless…

Just when he wanted to turn the page, he heard footsteps outside the office. As quickly as he could, he shut the folder and shoved it back into the drawer. The moment he wanted to put back the gun as well, the door opened.

Oh shit.

Shige closed his eyes for a second, silently wishing he wasn’t in big trouble now and preparing himself for screaming - or punishment. But there was no screaming. Just a soft laugh.

He opened his eyes again and saw the Master closing the door. “Tut tut, Shigeaki. Did no one teach you it is rude to wander through other people’s things?” he said in that soft, low voice of his. He stepped forward and took the gun from Shige’s shaking hands. “Pretty, isn’t it?” he whispered, stroking the weapon like it was a kitten. “Just pull the trigger and…” He laughed and put the gun back into the drawer. He didn’t notice that the back of the folder was facing upwards now.

The Master sat down on his desk chair and pointed to the only other chair in the room, next to the hat stand. “Sit down, Shigeaki.”

Shige sat down, still shaking from earlier.

The Master retrieved a big, old photo book from another drawer. “I developed your pictures for you,” he said with a sly smile.

“W-what?” Shige asked, his throat suddenly dry. “What did you do?” How did the Master get the photo roll from his camera? When?

“Didn’t I tell you, Shigeaki? Always speak with two words.”

“Y-yes, Master,” Shige slowly replied. He hated to call him like that, it only made him more afraid. But he was more scared what would happen if he didn’t.

“Good. Here you go.” The Master gave him the photo album. “You take such lovely pictures, Shigeaki.”

Shige took the album, but didn’t open it.

“Oh no, I forgot. You didn’t take these pictures. Your friend Yamada-kun did, didn’t he?”

But Shige didn’t reply. He only stared at the door behind the Master. He didn’t want to reply.

“Yes, Yamada-kun did. Was he your best friend, Shigeaki? Or was he a little…more than just a friend?”

Do not reply, Shige told himself. Do not reply. Do not reply.

The Master gave him another smile. “It’s a good thing Yamada-kun put back the photo roll when he was done developing, right? Or else we wouldn’t have the photos anymore!”

Do not reply.

“Yes… Silly, silly Shigeaki. Not noticing anything at all.”

Do not reply.

“Not noticing that Yamada-kun had only kissed you to…”

Do not reply, do not reply, do not re-

“Shut up! Shut up!“ Shige yelled, standing up and letting the album fall to the ground. He was almost shaking with anger.

The Master didn’t even blink an eye. “Hmm, that’s not how good boys talk, Shigeaki,” he said. “But very well then. You can go for today. I’ll see you at dinner.”

Shige turned around without saying another word and left the office as soon as possible. Then, he ran.

-

That night, Shige sat alone in his room, staring at the ceiling again. He was exhausted. He’d ran about five miles during the day. To get away, to clear his mind. But it hadn’t worked. His mind wasn’t clear and he certainly hadn’t gotten away. Because he had still returned to the mansion. There was nowhere else he could go, anyway.

But despite the whole thing with the Master, he couldn’t stop thinking about the folder. The file about him. He wondered if the Master kept all the information about him in there. He also wondered if he had more files, on Yamashita, Nishikido and Ueda.

He had considered going back for a few times now. Just to see if there were more, if he wasn’t the only one. But then he had to go back into the office… And that was the last thing he wanted. Yet he was so curious. Maybe it would give him more information on the other boys. Maybe he could finally find out what was the deal with them. And maybe he could find out more about the Master. Why he kept them here. Shige still didn’t know anything about him, not even his name.

As it got later and later, he wanted to do it more and more. Just to look… He wouldn’t actually do anything with the information. He just wanted to know.

Finally, around midnight, he decided. He was going back into the office. Even though he hated it there and even though he knew it was a bad idea.

Now would be the best time to go, since everyone was asleep right now. He got up and quietly left his room. He crept down the stairs, into the hall. Luckily, no one was around, not even in the kitchen (knowing he wasn’t the only one who liked to get midnight snacks). As quietly as he could, he tiptoed to the office’s door.

Slowly, he pushed the door open. The office was empty and Shige hurried to the drawer, where his folder should be. But when he opened the drawer, it wasn’t there. The folder was gone and so was the gun. Shit.

Shige shut the drawer again and hastily looked around. Where else could the Master hide the folder? He tried some other drawers, but he couldn’t find anything. He also looked through the papers on the desk, without any result… Where was it?

Then his eyes fell onto the dresser next to the door. He could always try. He opened the first drawer and gasped for air. It was filled with folders. He couldn’t find his, but there were other folders. Five times the size of his.

Shige randomly pulled one out and read the name - Akanishi Jin - but it didn’t ring a bell. He opened the file and a very handsome guy stared back at him. What was this? Did the Master collect pretty boys or something?

Then he noticed another file and the name on it. Tegoshi Yuya. Didn’t Ueda mention that name once? He grabbed the folder and flipped through it. The guy, who was maybe around twenty, on the photo seemed very familiar. Like he’d seen him before. But he couldn’t place him at all. It seemed to be more detailed than Akanishi’s one. He stopped at one page that seemed to be hand-written. He read a few sentences and realized it was a letter. Dear Master, it read. Shige quickly scanned the letter and caught words like want you and love you so much. A love letter?

Then, he heard noise coming from the kitchen. Shit, someone was awake! He had to get out of here, now, before he got caught. He stuffed the folder back into the drawer without looking where it went and closed the drawer.

Holding his breath, he slipped through the open door and carefully closed it behind him… If he could only just pass the kitchen without getting to be seen. On his toes, he walked a few steps, then saw the light in the kitchen was on. With just a few steps more, he could see it was Nishikido, rummaging through the fridge. Well, at least it wasn’t Ueda. But he could easily see Nishikido give him away to the Master.

Nishikido seemed pretty occupied with himself, so maybe if Shige was very quiet, he could run up the stairs without him noticing. Three, two, one. He took a sprint to the stairs and climbed it with two steps at the same time. When he arrived upstairs, he was out of breath and his heart had never beaten so fast.

It seemed like Nishikido hadn’t heard him though, because nothing happened. He’d made it-

“Kato-san, what are you doing?”

Shige turned around and saw Yamashita standing in the doorway of his own room. “Yamashita!” he breathed.

“Come here,” Yamashita gestured, before disappearing into the dark again.

“Okay,” Shige whispered back. When he went into the room, the older boy was already sitting on the ground, against the bed. Shige couldn’t help staring at him. He looked strangely lonely in the moonlight coming through the window. He was wearing a white wife beater and rested his muscled arms on his bent knees. Shige wanted to run his fingers over Yamashita’s arms. But instead, he just sat down next to him, waiting until Yamashita would say something.

Then, Yamashita took a deep breath. “I think I’m finally ready to tell you.”

-

The survivor

“Tell me what?” Shige asked in a hushed voice. Did Yamashita mean…?

“Why I am here. Why we all are here,” Yamashita answered quietly, eyes strictly focused on the radiator opposite of them.

Shige didn’t reply, but he didn’t have to, because Yamashita was talking again. “Did you never ask yourself why we are all here, while we obviously hate this place? While we obviously hate-” He stopped talking for a second, then continued. “Why Nishikido seems so crazy? Why Ueda seems so angry all the time?”

“Y-yeah,” Shige nodded slowly. “I did, but…”

“I gave all of us names,” Yamashita said. “See, Ueda is the boxer. Nishikido is the actor. I thought you were the photographer, but I’m not so sure.”

Shige frowned. “I can figure out boxer, but actor…”

“Nishikido. He pretends. His whole appearance is an act. Remember that time in the garden? All an act. I know, he told me once, shortly after he arrived here. He tries to protect himself from other people by acting crazy… His mother hit him. That’s why.”

“Oh.” Shige decided not to ask more about Nishikido. “And Ueda?”

“The same. I overheard him and the Master once. The Master lets Ueda train in the nearby gym, to get stronger. So he can take revenge on his parents, who have always pushed and pressured him in everything he did. I think he ran away from home and came here when the Master found him. The Master controls him by letting him do all the important chores in the house, like cooking and cleaning.”

This was the first time Yamashita had talked so much at once.

“And m-” Shige stopped talking. He wanted to ask about himself, but that would probably mean he had to tell about himself too…

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Yamashita said.

But then Shige realized he wanted to tell Yamashita. So he shook his head instead. “No. I want to.”

“I haven’t found a proper name for you yet,” Yamashita shrugs. “For now, you are the photographer.”

“That’s wrong.”

“What?” For the first time since Shige closed the door, Yamashita looked at him.

“I’m not the photographer. N-not anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because I hate my camera.”

“But you always…” Yamashita frowned.

“Carry it with me? Yeah.” Shige looked deliberately at his fingernails. “I loathe that thing, but at the same time I can’t let it go.”

“Care to tell me?”

Yamashita’s voice sounded so soft and gentle, it made Shige look up. For the first time ever, Yamasita’s eyes didn’t seem soulless. Instead, they were soft, and caring. It suddenly made Shige want to spill everything he’d cropped up for days.

“I like boys,” he choked out, surprising even himself. It was the first time he’d said it after… But Yamashita didn’t even blink an eye. He just put a hand on Shige’s shoulder and remained silent.

“I was in love. With a classmate. For a long time.” Suddenly, Shige was telling him everything. “After a year, I finally confessed to him. Accidentally. But that boy, Yamada-kun… He told me he liked me, too. I was so happy. I went with him to his house after school. We kissed. He told me he wanted to take pictures of us, to remember it. I said yes…

“Next day, I came to school. Every wall was covered with pictures. Of u-us. He set me up. They all called me names. Bullied me. I wanted to disappear from the world. Wanted to die. It was horrible.”

Shige was silent again. Yamashita’s hand was still sitting there on his shoulder. It comforted him, somehow. They sat there for a while like that. Just like that. In silence. Until Shige remembered Yamashita didn’t mention his own name.

“And you? What are you?”

“I am the survivor.”

Shige looked at him with a confused look. “S-survivor?” he stuttered.

Yamashita nodded. “Yeah. I used to be the dancer. I loved to dance, so much. But then one evening, everything changed.”

Somehow, Shige had the feeling the other boy was finally going to tell what happened to him, so he stayed quiet. Yamashita continued his story:

“My friends and I, we used to dance until late at night. In front of those skyscrapers in the city, where the windows are like mirrors. We went there all the time, trying new moves, having fun with each other. I loved it there.

“One night, after I’d said good night to my friends, I went back to my house. Well, I wanted to go back to my house. But just when I was about to the door, it already went open. And my dad came out. With a gun in his hand.”

Shige swallowed. He knew where this was going, but he didn’t want to know. Yet Yamashita kept talking.

“He looked like he went crazy. Screaming he hated everyone in the entire world. Screaming he hated me. He pointed the gun at me…” Yamashita swallowed, like it required a lot of him to talk about it, “and then I realized my sister and mother had been at home. I realized what had happened. So I ran. My dad ran after me, threatening to shoot me too. But I was faster. I ran until I couldn’t anymore.”

The whole time, Shige had stared at him with wide-open eyes, unable to say a word.

“The Master found me in an alley. Saying he’d take me to a better place. He brought me here. He took good care of me the first few weeks. And then it began.”

“The gun,” Shige whispered in horror, now realizing what the gunshots were about. Why Yamashita had looked so pale afterwards.

The boy wanted to say more, but Shige held out a hand. “S-stop talking,” he choked out. “Please.”

Yamashita nodded. “Yeah.”

“Yamashita-san…” Shige breathed.

“Yamapi,” Yamashita whispered. “Please call me Yamapi. That’s what my friends used to call me.”

“Y-Yamapi,” he tried.

“Thank you.”

And then Shige leaned forward to capture Yamashita’s lips. It was a soft kiss. It was their first kiss, but it felt right. Shige didn’t know if Yamashita kissed him back because he liked him, or because he just wanted to feel loved. He didn’t really mind. If he could make Yamashita feel better, then he didn’t mind.

After a few minutes, Yamashita was the first one to pull back. “Come on,” he said. He stood up and got into bed. “You too,” he told Shige when he laid down.

Shige nodded and joined the boy in the small bed. Yamashita’s body was warm against his and much better than in his dream. Yamashita pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him.

“Yamapi…” he quietly said. “Just now, I went into his office. I saw folders. Of us, but also of other boys. One folder had love letters. They were from Tegoshi Yuya?”

He could feel Yamashita nod. “I remember him. The idol.”

“The idol…” Shige muttered. Where did he know Tegoshi from?

“Yeah, he used to be an idol. A real one. When I first arrived here, he’d already been here for months. He seemed to be in love with the Master or something.”

“In love?”

“Something like that. He always watched the Master with that look in his eyes… Did everything for him. I don’t know, but one night - I saw them. In the library. Tegoshi was naked… sitting on the Masters lap. They moved together…”

Yamashita didn’t have to say more, Shige already knew what he meant. He could see it in his own mind.

“Days later, Tegoshi Yuya was gone.”

Shige didn’t respond. He knew enough. He pressed his face in Yamashita’s shoulder and closed his eyes. It was all he had to know.

-

The master

The next day, Yamashita was gone.

Shige woke up in a cold and empty bed. He was confused at first. Why wasn’t he in his own bed? But then he remembered what happened last night and he sat straight up in bed. Yamashita. Where was he?

He went to check every room on the first floor, the bathroom, the kitchen, the garden. But he seemed to be nowhere. He was gone.

And then he knew. The Master. This was the Master’s doing. He felt himself getting angrier with the minute. All the anger he’d cropped up in the past week - no, months - threatened to get out. He needed to find him, now.

“What did you do to Yamashita,” Shige yelled when he barged into the library.

As usual, the Master was sitting there in his chair near the window, reading a magazine.

“Why hello, Shigeaki. Lovely to see you so early in the morning.”

Shige was so angry, he immediately grabbed the Master’s shirt tightly, hovering over him. “Tell me what you did to Yamashita,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Tomohisa?” the Master said like he didn’t know anything, like he was innocent. It only added up to the rage inside Shige.

“You did something to him,” Shige hissed. “He’s gone. Tell me where he is!”

The Master tried to peel Shige’s fingers from his collar. “Shigeaki, if you calm down first.”

Shige’s other hand was a fist too. “I will not calm down. I know. I know everything about your freaky experiments. How you control all of us.”

“Ah, I was already wondering when you were going to bring this up. It’s really rude to read other people’s thing without asking, Shigeaki.”

“Oh really? And it’s not rude to manipulate other people’s lives. I know what you did to Yamashita. It’s disgusting.”

The Master didn’t even blink an eye. How can he be so calm, Shige thought angrily. How can he just sit there and smile?

“I think you’re mistaken, Shigeaki. I just wanted to help you, boys. Is that so wrong?”

Shige’s hand started to cramp from holding the Master’s collar so tightly. “Helping us by blackmailing us. By keeping us here?” he yelled.

“It’ll help you in the end,” the Master said, losing finally some of his cool. “And I don’t keep you here, Shigeaki. You just never left. See, I know. I’ve seen the life you wish to leave. I just help you leaving…”

“That doesn’t justify the things you do,” Shige hissed back, letting go of the Master’s shirt and pushing him back into his chair. “Keeping folders on us, like you’re studying us like medical rats. What are you going to do with those folders, huh?”

The Master just shrugged. “I don’t think I’m wrong, Shigeaki. Some of them were very grateful in the end. And so should you.”

“And Tegoshi Yuya? Was he grateful?”

“How did you-”

“Yamashita-san told me,” Shige hissed. “He saw you and that guy. In the library.”

The Master went pale. “What do you mean?”

“Was he grateful? So grateful that he let you fuck him?” Shige nearly spat.

“He wanted it himself,” the Master whispered, his left eye slightly twitching. “Kept asking me, saying how much he loved me, how much he wanted me. He wasn’t in his right mind. I just gave in to his whishes, that’s all.”

“And you didn’t love him back?” Shige asked.

“Do you really think I’d love such pathetic, miserable has-been pop star?” The Master spat.

Yes. That’s what Shige thought. It seemed like he finally found the Master’s weakness. “And then he ran, didn’t he? Just like Yamashita-san did.”

“How could I know he’d slip and fall into the river? That wasn’t my fault.” He said it like he did know.

Fall into the river… Suddenly, Shige remembered where he knew Tegoshi Yuya from. Four or five months ago, a boy had been found nearby. In a river. Dead. The boy had been a super star before, but couldn’t handle it and went wrong ways, wrong friends, everything. Shige knew, he’d read it in the paper… So that was what happened to Tegoshi Yuya.

Shige didn’t believe Tegoshi just ‘fell’ into a river. But he didn’t care anymore.

“I’m leaving,” he told the Master. “I’m leaving. But before I go, I want to know something… I never understood why. Why are you doing this all? Just - why?”

“Why? You want to know why?” the Master called out, laughing. “There is no why, Kato! I’m bored, that’s all. I have money and a huge house and nothing to do. That’s why.”

“I don’t believe you.” Shige’s voice was quiet. “There is a reason.”

“Maybe there is,” the Master replied, suddenly calm again. “But you will never know, Shigeaki.”

“Fine,” Shige told him. “You can keep the camera. I don’t need it anymore.”

“Go ahead!” The Master screamed after him. “You’ll just end up like that whore Tegoshi! Found dead in a river-!”

But Shige didn’t hear his words anymore. He’d already turned aroun and walked out of the library, out of the front door and out of the garden without looking back once.

He didn’t need his camera anymore. And he didn’t need to know why. Maybe the Master, or whatever his name was, experienced something similar like they had. Maybe he was a psychopath. Or maybe he was just bored, Shige didn’t care.

The most important thing now was to find Yamashita, before he could fall and slip into a river. Now, he was sure Yamashita had ran in fear of the Master. He needed to find him and tell him.

This was just the way they were.