this is wearing me out....
Ive never been into the whole journals online, but hey i figured this as a way to relieve myself of things that bugged me or u know? all that mushy shit. Graduation was barely like 2 weeks ago, and it still hasnt hit me that im done with high school...no really, it hasnt, and it sucks cuz it just felt like another regular day for me. Besides that week was the most miserable one of my life so far, everything went downhill and i just didnt even want to go to my own graduation, nor even have my party. Daniels in Germany and honestly thats a good thing, i need to relax and think things straight after what happened....Riyaz told me that if he decided to stay with me, its cuz he really does love me...well, how can i be so sure? i mean how can u believe someone who lied to u and had promised u that he would never feel anythin else besides a friendship with the girl that u were so jealous of cuz they had such a great friendship and talked on the phone for hours without even thinkin how i would react to it? i mean get real...i love the kid but he needs to think of me, and right now im so confuse, i just dont know if stayin with him will change things. Would i be able to trust him again? how can it be certain that he wont get all messed up and confuse again like back in september and now? freakin A man! i hate her!, i despite that girl with all my heart, i cant believe she was such a freakin hypocrite and pretended to be my friend? how can i see it different, she swears she does like daniel anymore, when ppl close to her TOLD ME that she liked and likes him, i mean common jasmine told me, ashley lazo told me too, BRANDI megan, bethany, travis, even daniel knew she likes him! i mean all this ppl that had talked to her, and she lied to my face, told me she didnt like him anymore. I seen her lil stupid smile when she would talk to him, that flirty smile. Dustin scott and ben would always be like nubia watch ur boy, she seems to be obssesed with him, but the truth is that i had learned to respect that so call friendship, put my jealousy aside and just realize that they were just friends, and since he PROMISED me that he would never feel anything for her, and i believed him....GOD im cryin of deception man, cuz i just hate when im treat like trash!! ive had so much with dealin with backstabbers, Irma, Yeri, Tiffany and now kristina, i hate crossin thru her myspace. I wish that i could just see her by herself just once and tell her exacly how i feel and rip her braces off and slam her on the floor!.....how can u think im not seein the WHOLE of the situation? that i just imagin...she has NO idea about relationships, she just thinks "oh i dont want to loose a friend thats all.." WTF? who cares man friends come and go, its life, u know how many friends i feared of loosin in middle school? but life sucks and u move on, go to different roads. Have so respect for relationships and keep ur distance. MY heart tore in 2 when daniel told me he felt like he had feelings for her...i thought about it but i just wished he wouldnt say her name...and whe he did it felt lik emy throat dropped to my feet....and fury filled my body and i screamed WHY?? WHY HER??? the one person i feared.. it was impossible, i just couldnt bare it....but now hes in germany and i have about 3 weeks to just meditate and relax and think of everything....steven wants to hang out tomorrow so i am, him and mohamad are always there for me, and i love them both. They understand me and just completely agree, so many ppl includin my mom and his mom and sister day shes too immature and she needs to get a hold on herself and not cause problems to ppl. funny thing is that jimmy couldnt believe it when i told him and i blame both of them not just her, him for not thinkin of me when it came to my feelings and her for not steppin back and keep her distance....she needs to realize that once u have a boyfr or girlfr, it automatically changes things, they become the priority of their life.....I am glad that he realized that shes too immature and pessimistic, he knows i cant trust him the same and he needs to see that he has to work hard to earn the trust back...well i gtg with mom im tired of talkin about this is makin me sick to my stomach....