(no subject)
I guess this weekend has been ok. I went to Walkersville's homecomming yesterday. It was pretty fun. It was nice to see people that i grew up with. Man everyone has changed so much. Afterwards went to Beef's had some. Then headed to Maddy's for some more fun. Lol. It was wild. But yea. Came home today and was kinda sad. I miss that place like crazy. It's so different then up here. Not as much damn drama.
Talkin about drama things between me and whitney just get worse everyday. She's got a new boyfriend named Staci. He's alright i guess but she wants to be with him ALL the time. Never wants to do anything else. She's been ditched amber and I. She uses Amber as a fuckin taxi service. And to top it all off she's turnin into a huge druggie. She's changed alot. Isnt who she used to be. She's forgeotten who was there for her before Staci. I feel really bad for Amber cuz she's takin it pretty hard. My hearts been broken already, dont think i can feel anymore. But Amber still has feeling. And i can see how its hard to lose a good friend. But u have to lose people who bring u down. Hard to do but u have to do it. I dunno things r changin pretty fast. Within a couple dayz i have went from bein high on life to wakin up every morning and not wantin to face the world. Im sick of everyday turnin out bad.
Shit like this makes me question God. I believe in heaven and hell but as for God im not sure. I mean i kno he does things for a reason but I think ive hurt enough. I can't take it anymore really. I have one good day every couple weeks. I jus think ive done my time. Isnt he susposed to make things better. I kno people have struggle in life and im not sayin my life is horrible. But alot of my teenage years have been spent in pain. Im so used to bad things happenin ive given up hope on things gettin better.
Hm saw my crush tonite. We had some good talks when we could........ Man I want him so bad. I would behave for him. He's the type of person that gives me a reason to better myself. Bein with him would give me motive to get up in the morning and spend time actually makin myself look good. He's not the type of guy id ever imagine me likin. He's so different. But hes not low like the other guys. He's got direction he knos want he wants and he gets it. He's smart and actually wants to be somebody in life. Yea he gets to b a little weird sometimes but everyone's got a flaw. I could trust him too. He doesnt seem like a dog and he'd be honest with me. I wish i could tell him how i felt but i dont want him to think im obssessed and stop talkin to me. But i jus want a chance to prove to him that i could make him happy. I dunno. But if friends is all i can have with him, then ill take it. I get butterflies in my stomach when we talk sometimes, havnt been like that since Shaun.
Tommorow is Halloween and it should be interesting. Im hangin out with Amber and Trey, possibly Cam and mayb Tommy. Got alot of people to fit in. Too busy sometimes. But im most deffinately goin trick-or-treatin. Free Candy and i will so do it. I'm gonna b a playboy bunny. Gonna freeze but oh well. Amber's prolly spendin the nite and we may go to a party. Havn't decided yet. Well im gonna go and get some sleep. Been runnin on like none all week.