im sick, you're tired...lets dance
me this morning:
" fuck vanessa, dont wear this, you look stupid, what are they going to say, you're late, 7 minutes late, now you have to run in converses that are 4 sizes too small, great. you look stupid. no you dont, you look cool, you look like you. but people will say your stupid. change. pants. do it. now.... fuck it. no way. this is what i want to wear. im leaving and once im at school theres nothing i can do about it there. ill be stuck. good. god, another day of the most horrible week ever. bad mood every day. record. NO. i know what to do. im in a good mood now. and im forcing myself to be happy. and then i will be. this is horrible. and this shoudltn be happening. oh well. nothing can ruin my good mood. even my best friend that i hate right now. she can suck one. if she talks to me. i wont answer. should be easy, i like doing nothing. thats good. i shouldnt have to tlak to her. what does she have to say to me? other than how shes making 400 dollars and im not becuase i dont have a job. she does. and complains about it constantly. and then says, wow! i made 400 this week. weird eh ness? fuck her. and fuck her not driving me 5 minutes away from her work. fuck her mocking me. i dont like to be mocked. i love my two friends. and you dont mock me when i love you. so now i wont talk to her unless she has anything relevvant to my life to say, doubt it. what does she tlak about? funny things that happen on tv? thats tv, not real life. therefore.. i dont care. what else? how unfortunate i am? i know that by myslef, dont need a reminder.hmm. oh boys, yay, lets tlak abotu how many guys you've driven around instead of your best firend..and how many of them have taken advantage of you? what clothing you bought.. how your makeup is bothering you. what i did lasty night.what im listening to..why? so that you can listen to it and memorize every word to fit in. yay good for you. you like my music now. somehow she thinks its cool. because shes never heard of it. so then when shes knows it, pepople will like her. or the, " like OMG something halarious happened at work last night!"....... no fucking thanks. does she even listen to me when i talk to her. i dont think so. so why try? does she realise that every time she talks to me shes trying to create and inside joke, thats we;ll use later? just to fit in wiht me? i just dont care about the same things. maybe my mom should make her pay for gas klike she wnats me and age to. ha. she is her mother, completely. she's gone forever though. i can see it now. she doesnt care. and neither do i at this point. but she wont ruin my good mood. i cant belive how happy i am right now. so satisfied for once. im so not me. and i dont need a boy to do it for me. thats great. i did it for myslef. just by molesting my mind. telling it to be happy. it fucking worked. everything in my life is going horribly. and im fucking happy. its amazing.
so people. wake up. sit up. and say, "im happy today no matter what. fuck all of you." with a smiel on your face. listen to tegan and sara, or metric. and be happy. i could listen to a song about suicide or rape right now and still be happy. and its not even the annoying happy i used to be. like not the hyper stupid happy that i hate about myslef. but its just.... happy.... sitting anywhere with a smile on my face. i want to be in stage right now.
"im happy today no matter what. fuck all of you."
ness <3
" fuck vanessa, dont wear this, you look stupid, what are they going to say, you're late, 7 minutes late, now you have to run in converses that are 4 sizes too small, great. you look stupid. no you dont, you look cool, you look like you. but people will say your stupid. change. pants. do it. now.... fuck it. no way. this is what i want to wear. im leaving and once im at school theres nothing i can do about it there. ill be stuck. good. god, another day of the most horrible week ever. bad mood every day. record. NO. i know what to do. im in a good mood now. and im forcing myself to be happy. and then i will be. this is horrible. and this shoudltn be happening. oh well. nothing can ruin my good mood. even my best friend that i hate right now. she can suck one. if she talks to me. i wont answer. should be easy, i like doing nothing. thats good. i shouldnt have to tlak to her. what does she have to say to me? other than how shes making 400 dollars and im not becuase i dont have a job. she does. and complains about it constantly. and then says, wow! i made 400 this week. weird eh ness? fuck her. and fuck her not driving me 5 minutes away from her work. fuck her mocking me. i dont like to be mocked. i love my two friends. and you dont mock me when i love you. so now i wont talk to her unless she has anything relevvant to my life to say, doubt it. what does she tlak about? funny things that happen on tv? thats tv, not real life. therefore.. i dont care. what else? how unfortunate i am? i know that by myslef, dont need a reminder.hmm. oh boys, yay, lets tlak abotu how many guys you've driven around instead of your best firend..and how many of them have taken advantage of you? what clothing you bought.. how your makeup is bothering you. what i did lasty night.what im listening to..why? so that you can listen to it and memorize every word to fit in. yay good for you. you like my music now. somehow she thinks its cool. because shes never heard of it. so then when shes knows it, pepople will like her. or the, " like OMG something halarious happened at work last night!"....... no fucking thanks. does she even listen to me when i talk to her. i dont think so. so why try? does she realise that every time she talks to me shes trying to create and inside joke, thats we;ll use later? just to fit in wiht me? i just dont care about the same things. maybe my mom should make her pay for gas klike she wnats me and age to. ha. she is her mother, completely. she's gone forever though. i can see it now. she doesnt care. and neither do i at this point. but she wont ruin my good mood. i cant belive how happy i am right now. so satisfied for once. im so not me. and i dont need a boy to do it for me. thats great. i did it for myslef. just by molesting my mind. telling it to be happy. it fucking worked. everything in my life is going horribly. and im fucking happy. its amazing.
so people. wake up. sit up. and say, "im happy today no matter what. fuck all of you." with a smiel on your face. listen to tegan and sara, or metric. and be happy. i could listen to a song about suicide or rape right now and still be happy. and its not even the annoying happy i used to be. like not the hyper stupid happy that i hate about myslef. but its just.... happy.... sitting anywhere with a smile on my face. i want to be in stage right now.
"im happy today no matter what. fuck all of you."
ness <3