messy.thrilling.life
messy thrilling life.
im a woman who wants to make it seem like it doesnt matter all that much.
i am a woman who wants to make powerful art of this world.
i am a woman who can feel so lonely at the most unexpected times.
and sometimes i cant ask directly or tell you how upset i really feel.
and i hope
ill grow out of this.
i am a woman who sometimes forgets about poetry and reading in the shade.
"dont over-try, just be, no need to PROVE.
there seems to be alot of proving going on around here.
and i want to be loved, but not changed to fit them.
i want to live louder but not feel like a selfish person for doing so.
iwant to go crazy.
i know i am always trying to come from love.
and i dont all the time
i know i can be a pisser and annoying.
iknow i can burst into tears at not the best times.
i can listen, i can give.
i can try my best.
i know i can hurt people without meaning to
i know i can love deeply.
we cant always be lovely and glowing
isnt it overwhelming sometimes!?
this LIVING- this trying to livea full life
or keep it happening
staying on the ball
to keep on making your life
life wants to slip by us
with all our to-do lists, and news years resolutions.
i have to remember that its okay
and normal
to not feel up for it all sometimes\to feel let down
by life.
thinking, "this is it"
what ive been striving for but
it doesnt feel like the ANSWER
or deep peace
that i thought it would.
be here.
follow the leader.
which leader?
why do we try to cram all our lives
into one right way?
stand on the right line?
take it off.
you can loosen the grip.
you ARE the right place.
in LOVE
i can lose myself
along the road.
i want to give him my care
my time
my concern
my body.
but i have given out.
lost the bottom
of my boat.
thsoe women who hold their own-so strong and decisive
blow me away.
they make plans on friday nights
with their girlfriends, not concerned.
in the least for their man.
for keeping the connection, the love, they go on
waltzing forward.
taking care-> strong care.
of themselves.
i dont want to be ruled by my expectations. wanting magic.
painless perfect
filled with crazy love-sick
rolling and toppling
i want him to fight for me
i want a fight.
i feel like a bit of a
lost cause.
i wish i wasnt so damn sensitive.
i wish i was low-maintenence.
and low-key
i wish i didnt hurt the kindest people,
and i wish i was better with birthdays
and i wish i knew how to get angry.
i have done the best i can
and i am giving everything i can think of, that i have to give.
to take my life in my own two hands
and not apologize.
to make my life matter, to take responsibility for what i do.
take responsibility for speaking up
for the ways i take care of my body, the mistakes and success
to stand away from the crowd.
and take the road less travelled.
i want to say im sorry for letting you down,
but i cant say sorry anymore.
icant, i just cant.
there will be no one left here.
in one life.
how many times can the heart break?
when do we know we have found
our true north?
where do i belong?
what happens next?
how do i know if this is all wrong?
how long will we live this way?
what will my children be like?
how long will i live?
where will i go?
who will love me?
im a woman who wants to make it seem like it doesnt matter all that much.
i am a woman who wants to make powerful art of this world.
i am a woman who can feel so lonely at the most unexpected times.
and sometimes i cant ask directly or tell you how upset i really feel.
and i hope
ill grow out of this.
i am a woman who sometimes forgets about poetry and reading in the shade.
"dont over-try, just be, no need to PROVE.
there seems to be alot of proving going on around here.
and i want to be loved, but not changed to fit them.
i want to live louder but not feel like a selfish person for doing so.
iwant to go crazy.
i know i am always trying to come from love.
and i dont all the time
i know i can be a pisser and annoying.
iknow i can burst into tears at not the best times.
i can listen, i can give.
i can try my best.
i know i can hurt people without meaning to
i know i can love deeply.
we cant always be lovely and glowing
isnt it overwhelming sometimes!?
this LIVING- this trying to livea full life
or keep it happening
staying on the ball
to keep on making your life
life wants to slip by us
with all our to-do lists, and news years resolutions.
i have to remember that its okay
and normal
to not feel up for it all sometimes\to feel let down
by life.
thinking, "this is it"
what ive been striving for but
it doesnt feel like the ANSWER
or deep peace
that i thought it would.
be here.
follow the leader.
which leader?
why do we try to cram all our lives
into one right way?
stand on the right line?
take it off.
you can loosen the grip.
you ARE the right place.
in LOVE
i can lose myself
along the road.
i want to give him my care
my time
my concern
my body.
but i have given out.
lost the bottom
of my boat.
thsoe women who hold their own-so strong and decisive
blow me away.
they make plans on friday nights
with their girlfriends, not concerned.
in the least for their man.
for keeping the connection, the love, they go on
waltzing forward.
taking care-> strong care.
of themselves.
i dont want to be ruled by my expectations. wanting magic.
painless perfect
filled with crazy love-sick
rolling and toppling
i want him to fight for me
i want a fight.
i feel like a bit of a
lost cause.
i wish i wasnt so damn sensitive.
i wish i was low-maintenence.
and low-key
i wish i didnt hurt the kindest people,
and i wish i was better with birthdays
and i wish i knew how to get angry.
i have done the best i can
and i am giving everything i can think of, that i have to give.
to take my life in my own two hands
and not apologize.
to make my life matter, to take responsibility for what i do.
take responsibility for speaking up
for the ways i take care of my body, the mistakes and success
to stand away from the crowd.
and take the road less travelled.
i want to say im sorry for letting you down,
but i cant say sorry anymore.
icant, i just cant.
there will be no one left here.
in one life.
how many times can the heart break?
when do we know we have found
our true north?
where do i belong?
what happens next?
how do i know if this is all wrong?
how long will we live this way?
what will my children be like?
how long will i live?
where will i go?
who will love me?