Edited to add: Don't hate yourself for feeling like this. You feel what you feel, and that doesn't make you a bad poly person. It just makes you a person who's hurting-and feeling hurt is a perfectly natural reaction to these circumstances. His banishment across the border has been so difficult for you, and no matter how thoroughly right polyamory is for you both, it seems to me that it's perfectly understandable that you'd feel upset.
But at the same time, even though you can't spend as much time with him in person as you'd like to, that doesn't mean that you "can't be primary partners to each other in any meaningful way." I don't think I've ever seen anyone deal with adversity of the degree that you two have faced since last year with anywhere near this amount of determination to put things right. The two of you have presented as united a front as possible, considering the international border involved. Whoever did this to you, they couldn't separate you forever, and that's pretty damn meaningful.
I understand that it hurts that his girlfriend gets to spend more time with him than you do. It's just...well, I think that you're being too hard on yourself for feeling like this.
Edited to add:
Don't hate yourself for feeling like this. You feel what you feel, and that doesn't make you a bad poly person. It just makes you a person who's hurting-and feeling hurt is a perfectly natural reaction to these circumstances. His banishment across the border has been so difficult for you, and no matter how thoroughly right polyamory is for you both, it seems to me that it's perfectly understandable that you'd feel upset.
But at the same time, even though you can't spend as much time with him in person as you'd like to, that doesn't mean that you "can't be primary partners to each other in any meaningful way." I don't think I've ever seen anyone deal with adversity of the degree that you two have faced since last year with anywhere near this amount of determination to put things right. The two of you have presented as united a front as possible, considering the international border involved. Whoever did this to you, they couldn't separate you forever, and that's pretty damn meaningful.
I understand that it hurts that his girlfriend gets to spend more time with him than you do. It's just...well, I think that you're being too hard on yourself for feeling like this.
*hugs again*
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