If you're looking for me I'll be on the block...
Can you believe the year is almost over? It goes fast!
So...The Holidays so far have been okay...Christmas Eve was amazing...It was my third night in a row drinking..And I still havent gotten sick...It was be and Brian...Beer against Wine...I think he won, but I was drunker. I went with Jody and her brother to her Aunts house...And it was the first time I really truly had fun on a holiday. We don't celebrate Christmas Eve, but any holiday with my family is torture to me.
But with Jody's family it was SO fun...Not only did we play sudoku...but we had great food...I taught Jody's little cousins some origami crap...AND we played a drinking game...and I LOVE drinking games. I got along with her brother and her Mom SO well...It was so nice...
Christmas on the other hand wasn't so fun. I guess the drinking, the withdrawl from my drugs, and the general stress of my life kind of caught up to me. I just felt horribly depressed. I knew it wasn't me, it didn't feel like myself, but this horrible feeling was looming over me. But three very important people were there for me...And I love each of them very much...They made my Holiday somewhat tolerable =)
I was somewhat happy when my family went home and the night was over though..I was just waiting for the gay question or something else awkward and it's a pain in my ass to hide...Why don't I just tell them I'm gay? Get it over with? Because I've decided that I don't really love that part of my family. I can't say "They'll love me the same before and after" because I really don't feel any love...When I kind of move on from my house and start forming my own 'family' I dont see myself spending more than one holiday, if even, with them...I have no urge to keep a bond with them...I just know that I have to...I know I sound cold and I know that they are my family and they do love me and blah blah...But at the same time...I don't feel like wasting the time and energy on telling them...Thats my story and I'm sticking to it...for now...
Anyway...Then Jody came over and we went and found this house that Anthony took me to the other night (Yes we're friends again...I'm a sucker...Big time)..and then we came back here and putzed around and played Monopoly with my brother...It was funny...We cheated like freakin' crazy...And we still lost!
Today was nice too =)...Jody and I went to Olive Garden and had an amazing dinner...Salad and breadsticks of course...and then we split two appetizers and I had some Peach Sangria...Mm...It was so delicious...I want more right now! Then we went back to her house and invited Elaina and Chris over to play some Family Guy trivia! Chris impressed the hell out of me...The kid had some skills...
I had a really fun day...And Jody makes me a very happy panda...Even in this somewhat confusing...stressful...weird time she still manages to find ways to make me happy...and I know that eventually this will pass, like everything else, and I'll be able to say that I'm happy again...
Until then...Hasta Luego <3
xoxo
So...The Holidays so far have been okay...Christmas Eve was amazing...It was my third night in a row drinking..And I still havent gotten sick...It was be and Brian...Beer against Wine...I think he won, but I was drunker. I went with Jody and her brother to her Aunts house...And it was the first time I really truly had fun on a holiday. We don't celebrate Christmas Eve, but any holiday with my family is torture to me.
But with Jody's family it was SO fun...Not only did we play sudoku...but we had great food...I taught Jody's little cousins some origami crap...AND we played a drinking game...and I LOVE drinking games. I got along with her brother and her Mom SO well...It was so nice...
Christmas on the other hand wasn't so fun. I guess the drinking, the withdrawl from my drugs, and the general stress of my life kind of caught up to me. I just felt horribly depressed. I knew it wasn't me, it didn't feel like myself, but this horrible feeling was looming over me. But three very important people were there for me...And I love each of them very much...They made my Holiday somewhat tolerable =)
I was somewhat happy when my family went home and the night was over though..I was just waiting for the gay question or something else awkward and it's a pain in my ass to hide...Why don't I just tell them I'm gay? Get it over with? Because I've decided that I don't really love that part of my family. I can't say "They'll love me the same before and after" because I really don't feel any love...When I kind of move on from my house and start forming my own 'family' I dont see myself spending more than one holiday, if even, with them...I have no urge to keep a bond with them...I just know that I have to...I know I sound cold and I know that they are my family and they do love me and blah blah...But at the same time...I don't feel like wasting the time and energy on telling them...Thats my story and I'm sticking to it...for now...
Anyway...Then Jody came over and we went and found this house that Anthony took me to the other night (Yes we're friends again...I'm a sucker...Big time)..and then we came back here and putzed around and played Monopoly with my brother...It was funny...We cheated like freakin' crazy...And we still lost!
Today was nice too =)...Jody and I went to Olive Garden and had an amazing dinner...Salad and breadsticks of course...and then we split two appetizers and I had some Peach Sangria...Mm...It was so delicious...I want more right now! Then we went back to her house and invited Elaina and Chris over to play some Family Guy trivia! Chris impressed the hell out of me...The kid had some skills...
I had a really fun day...And Jody makes me a very happy panda...Even in this somewhat confusing...stressful...weird time she still manages to find ways to make me happy...and I know that eventually this will pass, like everything else, and I'll be able to say that I'm happy again...
Until then...Hasta Luego <3
xoxo