Had another downswing a few days ago. Pretty sudden and very bad this time. Bad as in harsh, painful, etc, not SU or anything ( Read more... )

It's today. I was hoping to spend today with you. I was going to text, but decided not to intrude; that if you wanted me there then you would have asked me to be there. I wanted to spend today with you. I had even planned out things we could do to celebrate. But then, by now you have probably made plans with Them. Go for it. Enjoy yourself. Be ( Read more... )

Maybe I shouldn’t write this. I’m really out of it because I’m pretty sick, but whatever. I’ll regret this later. For now I just want to talk to no one since no one is listening.

“I wish I had something to say. I wish I had someone to say something to who understands what I’ve been through. I wish I wasn’t paranoid. I wish that I could trust ( Read more... )

You've only been gone for two days, but already it feels like forever. I worry you won't come back. I panic to think something might happen to you. The countdown to your departure was hard and the days are only getting worse now that you're gone. You know full well I've never been one to pray, but right now I just want to get down on my knees and ( Read more... )

you all can ignore me again. im just moping and reflecting...

( For just you... though I doubt you'll ever see this, let alone realize it's for you. I would tell you all this in person, but I don't want to make you feel bad. Instead, I'll suffer in silence and plaster on a smile to show that I'm happy for you, when deep down, a part of me is burning into ash to take the place of where you used to be... )

"You were everything that I wanted. We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it."

of course, I'm sorry I always forget. I'm worthless and I deserve nothing and I should be kicked out into the street and forced to make it on my own.

"Thanks for watching as I fall, and letting me know we were done."

Do it, I dare you.

"All of the memories so ( Read more... )

It's been a long couple of days and it will only get worse as the week progresses. Hopefully by next week things will be looking up a bit. Usually, when I start getting lost in my head, I find that writing it out helps. The only problem is, when I write it out, it's in a style called Stream Of Conciousness, which is often very confusing to follow, ( Read more... )

So I was out at Karen's again tonight. I'm going out AGAIN tomorrow. She really needs a lot of help since her health is getting worse, not better like it should be. It isnt even staying in one spot >.< Plus, the snow and ice isnt helping. Anyways, that's not the point of this post.

So I get home and I'm thawing out while eating hot roast beef stew ( Read more... )

( A letter to someone I lost seven years ago... )

( Read more... )