well then...
Maybe I shouldn’t write this. I’m really out of it because I’m pretty sick, but whatever. I’ll regret this later. For now I just want to talk to no one since no one is listening.
“I wish I had something to say. I wish I had someone to say something to who understands what I’ve been through. I wish I wasn’t paranoid. I wish that I could trust everyone I want to, but I guess I love a bunch of fools. I wish I had somewhere to go. I wish there was a place without spies in disguises and invisible reminders of you. It feels like all the galaxies colliding into us. I wish that I had a friend in me. For once, I miss you bad. I need you back. I can’t live and I can’t breathe when all I’ve got is me for once.”
One of the cool things about being born in a different time zone than the one you live in is that you have a bit of liberty with when you see your birthday. Legally I was born on October 1, 1992 at 12:53 AM… in England. That would mean it’d be about 6:53 pm on Sept 30 here on the East Coast.
Now I’m not big on birthdays. I find them slightly depressing, to be completely honest, but as I get older I’m getting better at not letting it get to me.
Usually my family celebrates birthdays by having cake and ice cream at night and inviting our relatives that live a few minutes away come over and celebrate with us. Nothing too big. Well, that’s kind of a family thing. Since I live on the East Coast, I see my birthday as being Sept 30, so usually I like to celebrate with my friends. That’s what I used to do back in school, anyways. I usually spend Sept 30 every year doing whatever the hell I want and being happy.
Not this year. Oh no.
Yes, granted, I’m sick so I wouldn’t really be out and about anyways, but that I can live with. No, instead I was stuck here watching the twin terrors, putting up with hour long screaming sessions between the two of them when I already had a splitting headache to begin with. I was ready to just leave the kids in the basement and call it quits. Now, I’m not that irresponsible. I put up with it because if I didn’t… well, a lot of bad stuff would go down. I was invited to go out this evening, but… a few things on that:
First, I’m sick. I shouldn’t really be around people. (so why a bunch of adults left me with two kids I REALLY can’t figure out)
Second, I am babysitting… Can’t just ditch the kids…
Third, did I mention I’m sick? It’s the type where you walk into walls, don’t know what you’re saying or doing, and see/hear things that aren’t there. And yes, I took medicine already, which did nothing.
So you see, I didn’t really feel up to going out. Makes sense, right? No need to get mad at me over it. I already feel like shit, thanks. I don’t really need help.
I always turn people down, it seems, whenever they ask me to hang out. I’ve tried on five occasions now to hang out with my new friend Joe (may also be referred to as Methos) from school, but every single time I have had to tell him that something came up last-minute. It makes me feel like an incredibly horrible person, but I can’t control the fact that things come up. And usually it’s the same thing that I turn him down for: The person who is important to me. But this person doesn’t seem to realize what I sacrifice for them. I turn this person down for legitimate reasons, but they always take it personally and it gets really annoying, being told that I don’t care, that I’m always saying no, so on and so forth. What you choose to see is real. If you see me as always uncaring and denying you, then that is your reality. My reality is different. I try to explain, but this person never wants to hear it. Fine. Be ignorant. I tried.
But I digress…
Tomorrow is legally my birthday. Yipee! \o/ (I’m trying to convince myself I’m a happy person right now… is it fooling anyone yet?)
I’ll be…
Hint: T.O.P and SeungRi were in a movie together with this number as its title, and their characters were this age~
ok ok I’ll just say it~
I’ll be 19~ ^.^ cool, right? maybe I’ll become a suspect in a murder and end up on the run with two cute guys and we’ll solve the case and prove our innocence o.o
I love that movie too much… not really. I will forever love 71 more and Serenity more than that! FEAR THE BROWNCOATS!
(btw, that whole Firefly thing going on at some university in I think Wisconsin is just ridiculous. Mal’s statement was not a threat in the context he used it…
ok lemme explain: some professor had a picture of Captain Malcolm Reynolds from the show Firefly (and the movie Serenity!) on his door and it said "You don't know me, son, so let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake. You'll be facing me. And you'll be armed." Now, taken out of context this CAN sound a little bad. HOWEVER!!!! you have to know where it came from to understand. It is around 1:10
Click to viewanyways, moving on…)
So the twin terrors? They’re spending the night -.- Well, there goes my entire hope for a “happy” birthday, or even a nice day. I was supposed to have a dinner with my parents, brothers, Shannon, and 蝴蝶姐姐, but that might be called of for two things: First, I may be too out of it/ill/sickly/not right to go. Second, the twins. Their parents… don’t even get me started. You can’t take these kids anywhere, let alone keep them in your house. They’re horrible. I wish I were kidding.
but anyways, I’ll stop moping and brooding and caring. everyone has their own lives to live. Almost everyone I know irl (with a couple exceptions who know very well who they are) doesn’t care and will only remember because of, go figure, facebook telling them. my online friends are usually more supportive/loving/caring and I love you all for it~ you all are amazing and I wish I could throw giant parties for every one of you all the time *throws confetti*
I’m off to do homework, then… Just know I wish I could be elsewhere…