(no subject)
THe thing that sucks the most about being home is that it makes me focus on dealing with my parents and their resentment (on good days) and their absolute avarice (on bad days). I don't want to have to deal with that craziness, but every time they pull shit I have to sit down and work it through and try not to feel so depressed that they hate my existence so much. But if they're having a good go of it they can pile so much on I couldn't process it unless I sat still for days. I'm not sure why they suck so badly at being my parents but. it hurts. and like any kid who just wants their parents to love them, well...it fucking hurts.
And i figured out why i hate taking their help, and in turn why it's been so hard for me over the years to approach others, or accept help. My parents don't help on any level without attaching some episode of humiliation. It foes hand in hand for them with me. I say with me because they don't usually do this with K. If I need their help that means they get to humiliate me. What a stupid thing to do to your child. no wonder I've been suck a slow learner about how friends and family help without thinking about it.
I would like to not have to deal with that, you know? It is an infringement on the time I have during the day. and a bad one at that.
I'd rather be forced to watch cartoons for a few hours a day instead.
allright. going to have a better day today. i've determined.
And i figured out why i hate taking their help, and in turn why it's been so hard for me over the years to approach others, or accept help. My parents don't help on any level without attaching some episode of humiliation. It foes hand in hand for them with me. I say with me because they don't usually do this with K. If I need their help that means they get to humiliate me. What a stupid thing to do to your child. no wonder I've been suck a slow learner about how friends and family help without thinking about it.
I would like to not have to deal with that, you know? It is an infringement on the time I have during the day. and a bad one at that.
I'd rather be forced to watch cartoons for a few hours a day instead.
allright. going to have a better day today. i've determined.