Year End Review - Not Quite Rather Fuck, Marry, Kill
Hello, LJ.
It’s been awhile since I last got drunk, and I will never understand the uneasy feeling of it. Despite the feeling of euphoria in some cases, that stint of vulnerability every time doesn’t sit well with me. As we approach the end of the year, the surge of emotions are in over drive and being unprotected will not bode well even if it just an inkling.
Anyway, we celebrated a friend’s birthday the other day at her place. Despite the protocols, as human beings, we are unable to restrain ourselves and engage in a social gather regardless of how small. Breaking rules aside, I can’t help but be overjoyed to see friends again. Spending time with them was all I could ask for, but since it was a party, there had to be some entertainment- and I was definitely entertained. There were some revelations and confirmations that could literally blow my mind. It’s like I’m getting to know these guys all over again.
This pandemic was really a test of relationships. You get to see how far one would go just to be in contact, whether digitally or physically with their loved ones. It got me into thinking on how far I would go for my loved ones. In one of the icebreaker at the party, we had Fuck, Marry, and Kill wherein you would state who you’d want to do in those three categories and to make it a bit spicy we rigged it that the names we would pick are of the opposite sex. While my brain exploded with their answers, I’m more of amazed on how I could state my Fuck and Marry with swiftness and confidence. At least, that’s how I remembered it. I guess, my mind was really made up on who I’d pick on those categories. The one I want to marry is probably a no brainer to me but I liked how I didn’t hesitated this time.
And that was a bit scary for the Fuck part since I also didn’t hesitated on it. It would be nice if it was the same person, as it wasn’t stated in the rules, but it was different person. It was someone at home and far from my age group. Of course, it could just be a onetime thing that just instantly popped up in my mind at the time, but no I specifically sought her. I strongly believe it’s the distance thing. While the one I want to marry is in a faraway land, this girl I want to fuck is in close proximity, which means I get to see her every day. It’s an uneasy feeling because it feels like cheating. And boy I wish it was. Let’s hope we can sort these feelings before this pandemic- rather this year ends.
Anyway, I got stuck on the Kill part. I jest, with converting my guy friend’s name into a gal to which I got off with it. But now when I think about it, I got none, I don’t want to kill anyone. Unless wishing someone dead counts, but those kind of thoughts were passing emotions. I don’t exactly want them dead. I want them to suffer. Sure, there were a lot of people who hurt me badly and some of them I loved so dearly. Since I still care for them, or not really, seeing them dead seems more of easy take on their lives. Watching them slowly suffer or be tormented is more gratifying. Talk about a grim 360 on themes, but that’s my take on it.
To end things on a sweeter note, maybe I just really miss all the people who became a part of my life and I’m being emotional about it. Yes, it was probably my drunken state of mind at the time, but in the truest of sense, I want to see them all again. Hopefully this pandemic clears up and that new strain of virus doesn’t pick up. Season 2 of quarantine might sound great in theory, but I really want to go out and explore the world freely again.
It’s been awhile since I last got drunk, and I will never understand the uneasy feeling of it. Despite the feeling of euphoria in some cases, that stint of vulnerability every time doesn’t sit well with me. As we approach the end of the year, the surge of emotions are in over drive and being unprotected will not bode well even if it just an inkling.
Anyway, we celebrated a friend’s birthday the other day at her place. Despite the protocols, as human beings, we are unable to restrain ourselves and engage in a social gather regardless of how small. Breaking rules aside, I can’t help but be overjoyed to see friends again. Spending time with them was all I could ask for, but since it was a party, there had to be some entertainment- and I was definitely entertained. There were some revelations and confirmations that could literally blow my mind. It’s like I’m getting to know these guys all over again.
This pandemic was really a test of relationships. You get to see how far one would go just to be in contact, whether digitally or physically with their loved ones. It got me into thinking on how far I would go for my loved ones. In one of the icebreaker at the party, we had Fuck, Marry, and Kill wherein you would state who you’d want to do in those three categories and to make it a bit spicy we rigged it that the names we would pick are of the opposite sex. While my brain exploded with their answers, I’m more of amazed on how I could state my Fuck and Marry with swiftness and confidence. At least, that’s how I remembered it. I guess, my mind was really made up on who I’d pick on those categories. The one I want to marry is probably a no brainer to me but I liked how I didn’t hesitated this time.
And that was a bit scary for the Fuck part since I also didn’t hesitated on it. It would be nice if it was the same person, as it wasn’t stated in the rules, but it was different person. It was someone at home and far from my age group. Of course, it could just be a onetime thing that just instantly popped up in my mind at the time, but no I specifically sought her. I strongly believe it’s the distance thing. While the one I want to marry is in a faraway land, this girl I want to fuck is in close proximity, which means I get to see her every day. It’s an uneasy feeling because it feels like cheating. And boy I wish it was. Let’s hope we can sort these feelings before this pandemic- rather this year ends.
Anyway, I got stuck on the Kill part. I jest, with converting my guy friend’s name into a gal to which I got off with it. But now when I think about it, I got none, I don’t want to kill anyone. Unless wishing someone dead counts, but those kind of thoughts were passing emotions. I don’t exactly want them dead. I want them to suffer. Sure, there were a lot of people who hurt me badly and some of them I loved so dearly. Since I still care for them, or not really, seeing them dead seems more of easy take on their lives. Watching them slowly suffer or be tormented is more gratifying. Talk about a grim 360 on themes, but that’s my take on it.
To end things on a sweeter note, maybe I just really miss all the people who became a part of my life and I’m being emotional about it. Yes, it was probably my drunken state of mind at the time, but in the truest of sense, I want to see them all again. Hopefully this pandemic clears up and that new strain of virus doesn’t pick up. Season 2 of quarantine might sound great in theory, but I really want to go out and explore the world freely again.