(no subject)
Oddly enough, the more I talk to Kristin, the more I see her coming out in Jill. As in I see more of her in Jill. Yet I still can't seem to find the connection, as Jill won't answer shit for me anymore that I have to look around and all that crap...only thing I have to go by is that if Jill's persona was of anyone else, I wouldn't be as open and inviting to her. Sure, its completely logical....and a good move on her part, keeping me in the best of her interests(whatever that may be...)but I still can't find a definite connection with her and Kristin..its just...pissing me off you can say...
Like I was remembering back to when I first encountered Jill, and she was up in my face and I remembered her eyes. The same glow and look as Kristin's. I can pretty much say that they are one in the same as Jill has her image nailed down pretty good, and I can understand why shes doing it...to get me to open up and relax so I'd be able to be 'guided' much more easily, but its the connection part thats pissing me off. Just that whole 'world/ourspot' thing is bugging the hell out of me. I'm just waiting for kristin to say/do something that Jill has already said/done in my dreams. Then I'll have two things to look at and possibly get more of a baseline of reasoning behind it all. Only thing I can think of its all done by a higher power. I mean, we can never seem to get away from each other. I guarantee if I moved to like Japan, a few years after I'll be at the market or some shit and who's going to randomly bump into me? Kristin. It just feels like the farther we drift apart(even if its unintentional) we always manage to be brought right back again. As if God picks us up and puts us back on the table or something. I do find it intriguingly odd to say the least...it's not like we've 'drifted' once or twice in the past, its happened quite a few times. Always brought back together...and as I've said earlier, why? What's His ultimate goal with this? Is fate real....are we destined to be with each other, to accommodate that empty void only we can fill for each other(well she fills that void in me at least) She does truly complete me, shes an actual part of me. Maybe this is how Jill gets her connection? By me having such a strong emotional connection with her...Jill is able to reach into it....gets her connection with her....and is, i dont know....replicating her thoughts and feelings? It can explain how Jill said what she was going to say a week prior to her actually saying it...because Kristins been feeling like that for a while, Jill tapped into it and told me. If this is so...it's very interesting. Doesn't surprise me seeing as how all this 'weird' stuff has happened to me suddenly. It's not weird anymore, at first yes, but I've grown accustomed to it. I, of course, can be entirely wrong.
And Kristin...yes, you. When/if you read this, what do you have to say on my theory? If Jill is tapping into your feelings and emotions and portraying them to me....is what she has done to me in my dreams something you have thought/dreamt/etc about? I'm not talking about her just hugging me, I'm talking about like....you wanting to hold me in the rain? Being in the dark and you wanting to be my light. More or less, anything Jill has done thats 100% accurate to your feelings/emotions/thoughts/whatever it may be?
Regardless I'd like to hear your thoughts on not only this, but the rest of the dreams. Everything really.....you said you wanted to read my words, and a lot there are.
And in case you are wondering, with the knowledge you shall be reading my entries once you have some alone time...no, I didnt reword or sugar coat anything. Everything is written as it is. I didn't write anything and then delete it thinking 'oh what if she reads this' because honestly, its how I feel.
If you have any questions, please ask. Don't be shy about it. I wasn't when I wrote everything in this journal. And besides, if Jills actions are 100% accurate to your own, then you have no reason to be shy at all.
Anyways, off to bed I go.
Like I was remembering back to when I first encountered Jill, and she was up in my face and I remembered her eyes. The same glow and look as Kristin's. I can pretty much say that they are one in the same as Jill has her image nailed down pretty good, and I can understand why shes doing it...to get me to open up and relax so I'd be able to be 'guided' much more easily, but its the connection part thats pissing me off. Just that whole 'world/ourspot' thing is bugging the hell out of me. I'm just waiting for kristin to say/do something that Jill has already said/done in my dreams. Then I'll have two things to look at and possibly get more of a baseline of reasoning behind it all. Only thing I can think of its all done by a higher power. I mean, we can never seem to get away from each other. I guarantee if I moved to like Japan, a few years after I'll be at the market or some shit and who's going to randomly bump into me? Kristin. It just feels like the farther we drift apart(even if its unintentional) we always manage to be brought right back again. As if God picks us up and puts us back on the table or something. I do find it intriguingly odd to say the least...it's not like we've 'drifted' once or twice in the past, its happened quite a few times. Always brought back together...and as I've said earlier, why? What's His ultimate goal with this? Is fate real....are we destined to be with each other, to accommodate that empty void only we can fill for each other(well she fills that void in me at least) She does truly complete me, shes an actual part of me. Maybe this is how Jill gets her connection? By me having such a strong emotional connection with her...Jill is able to reach into it....gets her connection with her....and is, i dont know....replicating her thoughts and feelings? It can explain how Jill said what she was going to say a week prior to her actually saying it...because Kristins been feeling like that for a while, Jill tapped into it and told me. If this is so...it's very interesting. Doesn't surprise me seeing as how all this 'weird' stuff has happened to me suddenly. It's not weird anymore, at first yes, but I've grown accustomed to it. I, of course, can be entirely wrong.
And Kristin...yes, you. When/if you read this, what do you have to say on my theory? If Jill is tapping into your feelings and emotions and portraying them to me....is what she has done to me in my dreams something you have thought/dreamt/etc about? I'm not talking about her just hugging me, I'm talking about like....you wanting to hold me in the rain? Being in the dark and you wanting to be my light. More or less, anything Jill has done thats 100% accurate to your feelings/emotions/thoughts/whatever it may be?
Regardless I'd like to hear your thoughts on not only this, but the rest of the dreams. Everything really.....you said you wanted to read my words, and a lot there are.
And in case you are wondering, with the knowledge you shall be reading my entries once you have some alone time...no, I didnt reword or sugar coat anything. Everything is written as it is. I didn't write anything and then delete it thinking 'oh what if she reads this' because honestly, its how I feel.
If you have any questions, please ask. Don't be shy about it. I wasn't when I wrote everything in this journal. And besides, if Jills actions are 100% accurate to your own, then you have no reason to be shy at all.
Anyways, off to bed I go.