(no subject)
So here I am again. What am I going to talk about now? Well, lets just wait and see.....*extends arm down a long, seeming-less hallway* Shall we?
Yes yes...(yes I say yes a lot. Is it my new thing? Yes. Am I going to stop? Yes..err no NO)
Long hallway...now just imagine this hallway is but a path in a forest, and the walls and ceiling are but trees, branches intertwined overhead....
Can you? Not very descriptive but if you have managed to add your own details and can truly feel being there...good job, supposedly not many people are able to read something and actually envision them. Probably why nobody reads books anymore...
Ahhh 3:40am, just spent a looong time on youtube looking at some music. Funny how you are looking at this piece of piano or violin music, and you end up into some REAL deathmetal, i was laughing at how I managed to stray so far away...
I suppose one can use youtube to account for the path one takes in their life. Metaphorically speaking, that is. You end up going down this one road...and somehow manage to take the fork in the road, and another, and another and when you try and find your way back...you get lost....there is nothing to do other than try and go back the way you think you came from, but does that ever really take you back to where you were? After the time on your wandering, do you honestly want to spend the time to go back, only to possibly take the other path one of the forks led to? Life sure is puzzling now isnt it?
It amazes me that I can come up with such things...things being just what I said about those paths of life..so full of wisdom, and where did it come from? I can only say it most likely came to me after I cried out to God that one fateful night....as I have no other explanation. Yes...another change that happened to me that I just recently discovered.
Curious as to what else has changed....some things made their presence known fairly fast, others seem to be slowly seeping out. I feel as if I have this new wealth of knowledge in my mind...a new found power so to speak. Odd, to say the least; yet very intriguing. I'm really beginning to believe those images are somehow some sort of key to unlocking whatever is inside me. After that encounter I felt invigorated...like Selorah's kiss breathed new life into me. Maybe she did? To be 'born again' as someone new; new as in I don't quite feel the same as I did in the past. I've noticed this 'change' for quite some time now, and then bam it hits me...
I just really feel as though I have some new found knowledge. Very very weird...
And it just keeps coming to me, at the most random times. Maybe tomorrow when I have more time I'll try and write, just to test this knowledge or something....I don't know.
I feel as if something was given to me. I know what its like to have things taken away, but maybe they were given back; and then given more on top of that. But if I really was given something, why...
It's just so very....special. To have God foil my plans at eternal damnation, for me to finally believe in Him, for Him to make Selorah's presence known to me, these extremely interesting dreams with Jill...
The fact that I actually write in here when it hasn't been touched in forever...and just the fact I'm actually using this as a journal, not a communication device as I had in the past. The fact I'm working out, and actually sticking to it...I'd work out like one day, then give up on it. I gave up on myself. Now? It's been like a month, and I can already see some fairly good progress. My arms seem normal, but when I flex they double in size, my triceps are huge. I can only get so big since I'm fairly thin....but I'm sticking with it..
I actually made lists on goals and personal qualities I find in myself... I mean really; I'd never do that. I have accepted myself for who I am, and what I'm not. Do I finally love myself? Yes, very much so. My words are more intelligent, the tone of my voice is sincere...it's as if in just a normal conversation with anyone that they can tell what type of person I am. Caring. Maybe people have known this for some time, and I just failed to see it. So I'm more aware then?
So much has changed with me, especially on an emotional level. I feel as if I can just close my eyes and see an aura around me. Nothing like a holy aura or some stuff, but just a radiance. I feel as though I have some sort of radiance about me. As if I have a new gift...to give. I had a dream last night, Jill wasn't in it this time. I still had my trench coat on, and I was walking around through some sort of abandoned city...like New York or something. Buildings looked fine, no damage or anything...just no people(yet again, people tend to be vacant in my dreams)
I was walking around the city and I look down this dark alley. Now mind you, its night time, and its raining(whats new right?) which could possibly be why it seemed so empty without the bustle of people....
But down this alley I see what seems to be a young woman, and I hear crying. So I walk down there wondering why shes out here all by herself, in the cold and rain. When I get to the end of the alley, shes kneeling, has her face buried in her hands, and her back is to me. I walk closer to her, and place my right hand on her shoulder. She stops crying, gets up and looks at me and says 'thank you' and runs off.
All I could do is look at the palm of my right hand. Just by touching this woman I was able to ease whatever pain she was facing. I was bewildered at the time too.....and I should note this wasn't one of my lucid dreams. I had no idea that I was dreaming. Just your average dream...
I walked out of the alley and stood in the middle of the empty street. I stood there wondering how a simple touch helped that woman.... I placed my hands in my coat pockets, and I felt something in my right one. I reach in, and pull out a daisy. I held the daisy in my right hand, as I looked up to the sky, watching the rain come down.
As soon as I saw the daisy, everything hit me. As if I had just awoken from some sort of illusion. I knew about Jill once I saw it, I knew she gave it to me, and when she gave it to me. Where the daisy possibly came from(the huge field of them)
To have a dream just like any other 'normal' dream...and then to realize it just by seeing the daisy. It just amazes me.......
To have these dreams that are so real, as if you are physically in a different world...then have a normal dream and find a piece of that 'realness' in it?
I really don't know anymore...whats going to happen next? Am I going to go somewhere and come out, open the door to my truck, and see a single, white daisy there on my seat?
If so, then maybe the movie the Matrix is real...heh...
But yea, I just stood there clenching the daisy in my fist(I didn't crush it, just holding the stem fairly tight) and watched the rain fall...
I'm starting to cry right now, this is just too overwhelming for me
Yes yes...(yes I say yes a lot. Is it my new thing? Yes. Am I going to stop? Yes..err no NO)
Long hallway...now just imagine this hallway is but a path in a forest, and the walls and ceiling are but trees, branches intertwined overhead....
Can you? Not very descriptive but if you have managed to add your own details and can truly feel being there...good job, supposedly not many people are able to read something and actually envision them. Probably why nobody reads books anymore...
Ahhh 3:40am, just spent a looong time on youtube looking at some music. Funny how you are looking at this piece of piano or violin music, and you end up into some REAL deathmetal, i was laughing at how I managed to stray so far away...
I suppose one can use youtube to account for the path one takes in their life. Metaphorically speaking, that is. You end up going down this one road...and somehow manage to take the fork in the road, and another, and another and when you try and find your way back...you get lost....there is nothing to do other than try and go back the way you think you came from, but does that ever really take you back to where you were? After the time on your wandering, do you honestly want to spend the time to go back, only to possibly take the other path one of the forks led to? Life sure is puzzling now isnt it?
It amazes me that I can come up with such things...things being just what I said about those paths of life..so full of wisdom, and where did it come from? I can only say it most likely came to me after I cried out to God that one fateful night....as I have no other explanation. Yes...another change that happened to me that I just recently discovered.
Curious as to what else has changed....some things made their presence known fairly fast, others seem to be slowly seeping out. I feel as if I have this new wealth of knowledge in my mind...a new found power so to speak. Odd, to say the least; yet very intriguing. I'm really beginning to believe those images are somehow some sort of key to unlocking whatever is inside me. After that encounter I felt invigorated...like Selorah's kiss breathed new life into me. Maybe she did? To be 'born again' as someone new; new as in I don't quite feel the same as I did in the past. I've noticed this 'change' for quite some time now, and then bam it hits me...
I just really feel as though I have some new found knowledge. Very very weird...
And it just keeps coming to me, at the most random times. Maybe tomorrow when I have more time I'll try and write, just to test this knowledge or something....I don't know.
I feel as if something was given to me. I know what its like to have things taken away, but maybe they were given back; and then given more on top of that. But if I really was given something, why...
It's just so very....special. To have God foil my plans at eternal damnation, for me to finally believe in Him, for Him to make Selorah's presence known to me, these extremely interesting dreams with Jill...
The fact that I actually write in here when it hasn't been touched in forever...and just the fact I'm actually using this as a journal, not a communication device as I had in the past. The fact I'm working out, and actually sticking to it...I'd work out like one day, then give up on it. I gave up on myself. Now? It's been like a month, and I can already see some fairly good progress. My arms seem normal, but when I flex they double in size, my triceps are huge. I can only get so big since I'm fairly thin....but I'm sticking with it..
I actually made lists on goals and personal qualities I find in myself... I mean really; I'd never do that. I have accepted myself for who I am, and what I'm not. Do I finally love myself? Yes, very much so. My words are more intelligent, the tone of my voice is sincere...it's as if in just a normal conversation with anyone that they can tell what type of person I am. Caring. Maybe people have known this for some time, and I just failed to see it. So I'm more aware then?
So much has changed with me, especially on an emotional level. I feel as if I can just close my eyes and see an aura around me. Nothing like a holy aura or some stuff, but just a radiance. I feel as though I have some sort of radiance about me. As if I have a new gift...to give. I had a dream last night, Jill wasn't in it this time. I still had my trench coat on, and I was walking around through some sort of abandoned city...like New York or something. Buildings looked fine, no damage or anything...just no people(yet again, people tend to be vacant in my dreams)
I was walking around the city and I look down this dark alley. Now mind you, its night time, and its raining(whats new right?) which could possibly be why it seemed so empty without the bustle of people....
But down this alley I see what seems to be a young woman, and I hear crying. So I walk down there wondering why shes out here all by herself, in the cold and rain. When I get to the end of the alley, shes kneeling, has her face buried in her hands, and her back is to me. I walk closer to her, and place my right hand on her shoulder. She stops crying, gets up and looks at me and says 'thank you' and runs off.
All I could do is look at the palm of my right hand. Just by touching this woman I was able to ease whatever pain she was facing. I was bewildered at the time too.....and I should note this wasn't one of my lucid dreams. I had no idea that I was dreaming. Just your average dream...
I walked out of the alley and stood in the middle of the empty street. I stood there wondering how a simple touch helped that woman.... I placed my hands in my coat pockets, and I felt something in my right one. I reach in, and pull out a daisy. I held the daisy in my right hand, as I looked up to the sky, watching the rain come down.
As soon as I saw the daisy, everything hit me. As if I had just awoken from some sort of illusion. I knew about Jill once I saw it, I knew she gave it to me, and when she gave it to me. Where the daisy possibly came from(the huge field of them)
To have a dream just like any other 'normal' dream...and then to realize it just by seeing the daisy. It just amazes me.......
To have these dreams that are so real, as if you are physically in a different world...then have a normal dream and find a piece of that 'realness' in it?
I really don't know anymore...whats going to happen next? Am I going to go somewhere and come out, open the door to my truck, and see a single, white daisy there on my seat?
If so, then maybe the movie the Matrix is real...heh...
But yea, I just stood there clenching the daisy in my fist(I didn't crush it, just holding the stem fairly tight) and watched the rain fall...
I'm starting to cry right now, this is just too overwhelming for me