(no subject)
So today I got a call back from CIS, have an interview at 2pm. Need to bring drivers license, ss card, resume, class d or g license if i have it(dont have one) and DD 214 form if prior military(I have)
She also told me to dress buisiness attire, so my slacks/dress shirt/tie will have to do, as I don't have a suit. So hopefully I'll get the job. If not it's a start.
So yes, tonight I'm not listening to Kamelot. I'm going back to my roots. Listening to the oh so gothy music. Yes, I used to be somewhat goth back in the day. Never painted my face or anything like that. I did wear spiked bracelets, fat ball necklace, those lil rubber wristband things.
But the dark ambient music always seems to soothe my soul. Midnight Syndicate, Nox Arcana, some other bands. No vocals, its just dark ass pianos and violins/cellos n shit. I always wanted to learn piano. Piano and violin, I'll take either, both I find beautiful.
But of course, Jill was in my dream.... The part of my dream I remember(which I think is the start) is I'm back at the park place, with the willow. Only this time the willow is dead. The whole place is covered in a dense fog, you could cut it with a swipe of your hand. Yes this sounds all gothy, hence why I decided to listen to the music. If I get in the mood, I'll remember more. I woke up, waited an hour or 2, and was like 'shit i need to write my dream down'
Of course too much timed passed for me to remember from the time i woke, till i wrote it down...so I'll try.
I'm standing there, looking around, wondering if this was still the same place I was in the night before. Willow.....dead.
Lake.....murky.
Oaks shedding their leaves like crazy.
Wind picking up, swirling those leaves around.
The fog.
No more moon, yet it should at least be what, a waning moon? No moon, period.
Dark clouds in the sky, building fast.
The bench was still there, in one piece. So I slowly walked to the bench, looking around cautiously as I proceeded. There was a note on the bench. So I bend down and pick it up, as I start to open it I sit down.
I notice the handwriting on it, and it seemed familiar. I remember the note told me I had to leave, right then and there. And to 'leave me alone'
I had no idea where to go, why I had to leave, why this once beautiful place is now in ruins....so when I got done reading the note, I folded it and put it in my coats left inner pocket. Yes the same coat I had on the previous night, I was still wearing the same clothes.
I got up and started to walk away from the bench. I placed my hand on the willow and felt a pain in my chest and I immediately started to cry. The pain was that of a broken heart. I've felt the pain before so I know what its like. I slumped to the ground, tears running down my face. Out there in the dark, crying, all alone.
I felt betrayed, yet I felt not anger. Stabbed in the heart and I know not whom had done so....I slowly got up and started to walk away, heading to the once grand forest of oaks...that are now empty shells of what remained of their once flourishing lives. Still surrounded by the fog. A very easy image to picture in ones mind.
As I walked for what seemed an hour I notice a silhouette of a woman. I continued to walk to it, and realized it was Jill. She walked up to me and held me, she was crying too. I asked her if she wrote the note, and told me she didn't but that I know who it's from. All I know is the handwriting looked familiar.
I asked Jill why she was crying, and I think she told me she was crying because she came to this spot to wait for me. And that everything started changing and I wasn't there. I remember assuring her that I'm here now and no need to cry anymore.
Crying over me? I don't know her...yet she seems to know me so well, yet I feel comfortable in her presence.
I told her about how I felt when I came to the spot to see it in ruins, as if death himself had walked through our secret little spot. She gave me a look that made me think 'maybe he did'
Told her about what happened as soon as I touched the willow....very symbolic in this dream wouldn't you say? Weeping willow.....hmmm and i'm sure it was weeping....
When I told her that I collapsed clutching my chest, she held me ever so close. Almost as if she was pulling me into her very soul. At that moment, the pain of heartache stopped. She looked at me and told me the pain I was feeling will soon show its true self.
She wasn't the one who caused the pain, I know that. And even if she did she wouldn't have been crying because I wasn't there, or hold me, or let alone talk to me. The feeling of betrayal...as if I was pierced through the heart by being stabbed in the back, literally. Ever since I woke up today i've felt the pain.....once again the feelings of my dreams touch me in the waking life. I just have the urge to cry, and I might just cry myself to sleep tonight, not even knowing the reason....it's just so....weird
All I can think is this dream had something to do with my actual life. Maybe It will happen or already has...guess I'll find out eventually.
So we stand there in the forest of dead trees.....I'm still crying, she's still holding onto me. She looks up to me and keeps wiping away my tears, but more still come. I stand there, silently crying. She sees they wont stop and I remember hearing her say a sad tone 'oh chris...' and she started to cry with me.
She told me she's sorry I have to go through this pain, telling me its not the first time, and many more times will follow. To remember that each time makes me stronger. I told her that everytime my heart breaks, I grow weaker. Every time it gets worse, as if the pain is chipping away at my heart....creating more room for the future pain to fill up.
She tells me that I'm right....the pain chips away at my heart, but to cause room for more love. Which i suppose is true. Every time I spring back I come back wanting to give and receive even more love than previously, KNOWING the pain I just went through because of it. Hell even last night as I lay down to go to sleep I talked to Selorah for about 30 minutes. I wasn't asking questions or wanting answers, I just needed someone to talk to, and I know shes there and can hear me, so I spoke. I told her that I'm sorry for the pain that SHE has to go through. That is has to be hard on her. I told her to let me take some of her pain away from her, to let me have some of whatever burden she carries. I'm sure she smiled when I said that.
Holding Jill I leaned down and kissed her forehead. She looked up into my eyes. She held my hands, and we kissed. I felt her place something in my hand, so I opened my eyes to look and of all things....it was a daisy. Just like one that was in my other dream with the daisy field.
I just stood there looking at her, the heavy winds blowing her hair just like it blows the oak leaves. Not saying a word.... She turned around so her back was against my chest, and wrapped my arms around her. She leaned back, forcing me to sit so I leaned back against the nearest tree(what remained of one)
For the rest of the dream(what I can remember) I sat there with her still wrapped tightly in my arms. She made sure of that. My confusion of everything is starting to subside(at least in the dream, but as I sit here and type it still makes no sense to me)
She quitely asked 'will you stay..' and I finished it with 'and hold me tonight'
It began to get even darker out, more fog started to roll in. The air grew still. It started to snow.
That's all I can remember about the dream sadly. I'm blessed to be able to have such vivid dreams I can write about, yet cursed to not know the meaning of them. Why am I having these dreams? Why when I look back and read what I wrote seem like I'm writing some weird romance novel? I do write in such a clarity to my own...but why...why do I have consecutive linked dreams.....
I'm not even going to say 'if', I know I'll be back here writing about another linked dream. Maybe since I'm wanting some answers I dream about them. But the dreams just add more questions....
I don't want to ask Selorah for answers, as I feel she's the one manipulating my dreams. She's putting the answers in my dreams...the same place my questions derive from. I'll try and look better.
So I shall cry myself to sleep, and imagine being there in the forest with Jill in my arms as the snow is falling down.
=(
She also told me to dress buisiness attire, so my slacks/dress shirt/tie will have to do, as I don't have a suit. So hopefully I'll get the job. If not it's a start.
So yes, tonight I'm not listening to Kamelot. I'm going back to my roots. Listening to the oh so gothy music. Yes, I used to be somewhat goth back in the day. Never painted my face or anything like that. I did wear spiked bracelets, fat ball necklace, those lil rubber wristband things.
But the dark ambient music always seems to soothe my soul. Midnight Syndicate, Nox Arcana, some other bands. No vocals, its just dark ass pianos and violins/cellos n shit. I always wanted to learn piano. Piano and violin, I'll take either, both I find beautiful.
But of course, Jill was in my dream.... The part of my dream I remember(which I think is the start) is I'm back at the park place, with the willow. Only this time the willow is dead. The whole place is covered in a dense fog, you could cut it with a swipe of your hand. Yes this sounds all gothy, hence why I decided to listen to the music. If I get in the mood, I'll remember more. I woke up, waited an hour or 2, and was like 'shit i need to write my dream down'
Of course too much timed passed for me to remember from the time i woke, till i wrote it down...so I'll try.
I'm standing there, looking around, wondering if this was still the same place I was in the night before. Willow.....dead.
Lake.....murky.
Oaks shedding their leaves like crazy.
Wind picking up, swirling those leaves around.
The fog.
No more moon, yet it should at least be what, a waning moon? No moon, period.
Dark clouds in the sky, building fast.
The bench was still there, in one piece. So I slowly walked to the bench, looking around cautiously as I proceeded. There was a note on the bench. So I bend down and pick it up, as I start to open it I sit down.
I notice the handwriting on it, and it seemed familiar. I remember the note told me I had to leave, right then and there. And to 'leave me alone'
I had no idea where to go, why I had to leave, why this once beautiful place is now in ruins....so when I got done reading the note, I folded it and put it in my coats left inner pocket. Yes the same coat I had on the previous night, I was still wearing the same clothes.
I got up and started to walk away from the bench. I placed my hand on the willow and felt a pain in my chest and I immediately started to cry. The pain was that of a broken heart. I've felt the pain before so I know what its like. I slumped to the ground, tears running down my face. Out there in the dark, crying, all alone.
I felt betrayed, yet I felt not anger. Stabbed in the heart and I know not whom had done so....I slowly got up and started to walk away, heading to the once grand forest of oaks...that are now empty shells of what remained of their once flourishing lives. Still surrounded by the fog. A very easy image to picture in ones mind.
As I walked for what seemed an hour I notice a silhouette of a woman. I continued to walk to it, and realized it was Jill. She walked up to me and held me, she was crying too. I asked her if she wrote the note, and told me she didn't but that I know who it's from. All I know is the handwriting looked familiar.
I asked Jill why she was crying, and I think she told me she was crying because she came to this spot to wait for me. And that everything started changing and I wasn't there. I remember assuring her that I'm here now and no need to cry anymore.
Crying over me? I don't know her...yet she seems to know me so well, yet I feel comfortable in her presence.
I told her about how I felt when I came to the spot to see it in ruins, as if death himself had walked through our secret little spot. She gave me a look that made me think 'maybe he did'
Told her about what happened as soon as I touched the willow....very symbolic in this dream wouldn't you say? Weeping willow.....hmmm and i'm sure it was weeping....
When I told her that I collapsed clutching my chest, she held me ever so close. Almost as if she was pulling me into her very soul. At that moment, the pain of heartache stopped. She looked at me and told me the pain I was feeling will soon show its true self.
She wasn't the one who caused the pain, I know that. And even if she did she wouldn't have been crying because I wasn't there, or hold me, or let alone talk to me. The feeling of betrayal...as if I was pierced through the heart by being stabbed in the back, literally. Ever since I woke up today i've felt the pain.....once again the feelings of my dreams touch me in the waking life. I just have the urge to cry, and I might just cry myself to sleep tonight, not even knowing the reason....it's just so....weird
All I can think is this dream had something to do with my actual life. Maybe It will happen or already has...guess I'll find out eventually.
So we stand there in the forest of dead trees.....I'm still crying, she's still holding onto me. She looks up to me and keeps wiping away my tears, but more still come. I stand there, silently crying. She sees they wont stop and I remember hearing her say a sad tone 'oh chris...' and she started to cry with me.
She told me she's sorry I have to go through this pain, telling me its not the first time, and many more times will follow. To remember that each time makes me stronger. I told her that everytime my heart breaks, I grow weaker. Every time it gets worse, as if the pain is chipping away at my heart....creating more room for the future pain to fill up.
She tells me that I'm right....the pain chips away at my heart, but to cause room for more love. Which i suppose is true. Every time I spring back I come back wanting to give and receive even more love than previously, KNOWING the pain I just went through because of it. Hell even last night as I lay down to go to sleep I talked to Selorah for about 30 minutes. I wasn't asking questions or wanting answers, I just needed someone to talk to, and I know shes there and can hear me, so I spoke. I told her that I'm sorry for the pain that SHE has to go through. That is has to be hard on her. I told her to let me take some of her pain away from her, to let me have some of whatever burden she carries. I'm sure she smiled when I said that.
Holding Jill I leaned down and kissed her forehead. She looked up into my eyes. She held my hands, and we kissed. I felt her place something in my hand, so I opened my eyes to look and of all things....it was a daisy. Just like one that was in my other dream with the daisy field.
I just stood there looking at her, the heavy winds blowing her hair just like it blows the oak leaves. Not saying a word.... She turned around so her back was against my chest, and wrapped my arms around her. She leaned back, forcing me to sit so I leaned back against the nearest tree(what remained of one)
For the rest of the dream(what I can remember) I sat there with her still wrapped tightly in my arms. She made sure of that. My confusion of everything is starting to subside(at least in the dream, but as I sit here and type it still makes no sense to me)
She quitely asked 'will you stay..' and I finished it with 'and hold me tonight'
It began to get even darker out, more fog started to roll in. The air grew still. It started to snow.
That's all I can remember about the dream sadly. I'm blessed to be able to have such vivid dreams I can write about, yet cursed to not know the meaning of them. Why am I having these dreams? Why when I look back and read what I wrote seem like I'm writing some weird romance novel? I do write in such a clarity to my own...but why...why do I have consecutive linked dreams.....
I'm not even going to say 'if', I know I'll be back here writing about another linked dream. Maybe since I'm wanting some answers I dream about them. But the dreams just add more questions....
I don't want to ask Selorah for answers, as I feel she's the one manipulating my dreams. She's putting the answers in my dreams...the same place my questions derive from. I'll try and look better.
So I shall cry myself to sleep, and imagine being there in the forest with Jill in my arms as the snow is falling down.
=(