(no subject)
And so it begins...before I start all I have to say is.....wait...isnt that why I write? Ahhh I'm so funny
So yea, Kamelot IS the shit. Band from right here in Tampa really. Started back in the 90's and they were pretty big over in Europe, but IMO their singer at the time sucked ass...like...so fucking bad. Then they lost a drummer, but found one. Their guitarist, Thom Youngblood, has been writing the songs n shit, and he had a whole album done but nobody to sing it. So after like 1000 auditions n stuff he was about to lose hope, Till Roy Khan walked in. He sang, they loved it. Khan had his own band, think it was called Conception, but once he joined Kamelot they went through the roof.
He's Norwegian, and he took Youngblood to his lil home town so they could have some other stuff to inspire lyrics....and holy shit do they have some good songs.
The band is melodic metal, so it has guitars n shit like a normal metal band, but they have pianos, violins, etc. Not to mention Khans voice is amazing, I really wish I could sing like he can, but sadly I can't. Wasn't my place to be a singer. But I havn't heard a lot of singers who can put so much emotion into the lyrics they sing. He's got real talent and it so sad not many people know about the band..
On one of their albums, Epica, all the songs are one big story. It's about a guy named Ariel who isn't happy with the answers that science and religion provide him. So he sets out to find these answers as he believes its the only thing that will make his life worthwhile. It's a really badass album if you sit and listen to it. One of those that should be made into a musical or some shit. I'd pay to see it.
But yea a lil while ago when i found out about them, I went on my moms computer, made it start playing Ghost Opera by Kamelot, and I leave, and come back cuz its loud out there, so shes blaring it. Yea, MY MOM, listening to some heavy ass symphonic metal...lol
Yea she comes back next thurs, so then this house wont seem so dull and gloom.
Ahhhh since I have like all their songs, I just went ahead and made a playlist of their Epica album. Love how one song ties into the next one...
Anyways, had another dream last night. This is really becoming something though...like
I went back to all my entries for since I last got 'back' on livejournal. And I was just watching the path the posts went to. I'm actually glad I 'documented' this change. One day I'm in a good mood, the next im sad, the next I'm at rock bottom, then my gets changed forever. Interesting, really. And I come on here to write about just one thing, thinking I don't have but a paragraph to say about it, and yet I somehow manage to come up with words. It's really weird. Who knows, maybe Selorah types for me. Looking back at the posts I don't even remember saying what I said in a lot of area, then had to re-read that segment and be like...hmmmm.
Do I go into a trance and just type type type? Wheres all this stuff to write coming from. Once I sit down and start typing, shit just comes back to me, like my dreams. I'll remember a good amount of it from waking up, but I sit and more of it unfolds. This page is gateway to my soul. A release.
But yea, I've been trying to communicate with Selorah after reading about other peoples stories with their angels, and ways to communicate with them and other stuff. It's pretty interesting. All you have to do is relax and open up yourself to them. But of course, it's easier said than done. Everyone said once they 'met' their angel, they can feel their presence all the time now. The presence has always been there, ever since you were born. Once you 'put a face' to that feeling, you understand what it is.
They say gut instincts are your guardian helping you out. They are your sixth sense. I'm sure anyone who reads this can somewhat agree with me here. How often has a gut feeling been wrong? Just chilling somewhere and you immediately get overcome with a feeling, which changes what your mood is instantly. Then you get a call, or someone tells you something, or you find out later. Or you are doing something, and yet you do it YOUR way because your gut tells you to. Disarming a bomb and they always say to cut, say, the red wire? No, your gut tells you its the blue you have to cut. If that is the 'guideline' why the hell would you cut a different wire? Seriously, just say you disarmed 1000 bombs, always cutting the red wire, but this 1001 bomb your gut says to cut the blue....but you always trust your gut, a trusting source. So I agree with that sixth sense coming from your guardian. Those 'I got a bad feeling about this' moments...yea, your angel is hinting at something. So from now on, I'm going to really listen to that feeling.
What if it really is my guardian doing that...and I just keep shrugging it off...she's bound to get upset because I'm being so hard headed.........maybe thats why when I prayed for a huge sign she came to me. Here I am! Now freaking listen idiot...lol
Supposedly when you get in connection with your angel, and you talk to them(you can ask them anything, so 'they' say) you ask a question and something comes to your mind in a split second, usually before you even finish asking it. Called a 'thought packet' by some angelologer or whatever they would be called. I asked a few questions to 'test the waters' and to my surprise I got some answers. At first I was thinking I was just saying those answers in my head to answer my own question, which I was and realized that, so I attempted to open myself even further and try again. Got a completely random answer to my question that made little sense at the time. But I asked again, and again, and they made more sense. It's like....really freaking weird but I suppose you'd get used to it. I also asked Selorah why my knee hurts, why nobody knows wtf is wrong with me, why I'm in pain. She told me that 'you must'
Really? I have to be in pain? That's not very helpful. So I ask 'WHY must I be in pain' and I get 'to feel'
Feel what? 'you must/to feel'
So I need to be in pain, in order to feel something. Don't think I'm going to ask more questions on that since I'm probably just going to get lil teeny answers. And whats in my head right now, not asking any more questions or anything, is i need to be in pain, in order to feel pain. Think I'll just let HER show me things. She seems to always do something to me in my sleep though. I go to bed, my eyes are closed, and I'll see these flashes of light, or a tiny ball of light. If I focus on that light it gets bigger until my eyelids get flooded with a light. So either my eyes are going crazy, or shes doing something. But yea...
Jill was once again in my dream. Never have I had a dream that was consecutive with the night before. No 2 dreams ever had the same people, places, similarities. Nothing of the sort. So yet again, I'm struck in awe.
I remember being in this....back area...like
You have a line of big buildings, then they all share the same backyard, which is big, then after the yard is another line of big buildings. So the backyard is just one big box, kinda like how Central Park is in NY. Big box, cept this area wasnt that big...maybe a football field in size.
It was nighttime, dark, well not too dark. Full moon that was huge, clear skies, millions of stars twinkling away. Every now and then a cloud would come and block out the moonlight for a moment. This back area was somewhat like a park, lots of big oaks and elms. There was a small lake that took up a good majority of this area. Along the edge sat a willow. Branches extending far out above the lake, its branches softly kissing the waters surface, only to be outdone by the moonlight glimmering along its silent surface. Reflections of the stars mirrored around. There was a bench at the lakes edge. So I'm sitting there on the bench, alone. It's quiet. Once again just like my dream the previous night, there is nobody around. Nobody in the buildings, no planes in the sky. Just alone. It was so peaceful.
So I sat there, softly crying for who knows what reason, and I say "Thank You"
I feel arms wrap around me and the words "you're welcome," so I quickly try and wipe away my tears to look behind me. It was Jill. "Didn't know you were there" and her reply was "i've been here"
So she comes and sits down on the bench next to me, commenting on how it was such a beautiful night, and how she's never seen the moon so big in such an open sky, and how much the moonlight lit up everything. It did, except the spot we were at, secluded under the willow.
I went on to ask her why there is nobody here, or even around for what seemed for miles. She looked at me and smiled, then proceeded to lay in my arms and told me that 'you and me are the only ones allowed here. Nobody knows about it, nobody ever will. Our spot."
So I say "OUR spot?" She nodded. Yes I was confused. Our spot? It was pretty big to just personally own. But with nobody around? It seemed more like a secret magical getaway. Why was she there in my dream, yet again? Why did she seem to have a mind of her own? Usually you have some control of your dreams. I didn't. Not the dream with Selorah, not the first dream with Jill, not this dream. All three felt as if I was pulled away into this 'land' and was able to actually be myself. No dream element to it. Just feeling so real.
So after she nodded, she told me that If I ever need her, to come to this spot. And if she ever needed me, she'll be there waiting. ...why would she be waiting for me to need her? It's confusing.... and the confusing thing about it, is in this dream, i remember her from the previous night. She remembered me too. But its like she knows exactly whats going on, knows that I'm confused about the strangeness to it. She doesn't rush me with info, she gives me the impression that i'll learn over time what I need to know.
I, of course, just take it as is for the time being.
There was a change in the air, the kind you can feel when rain is about to come. It softly began to rain, and at the same time it started to grow dark. She proceeded to cry at this opportune time, hoping the rain would mask her tears. I remove my coat(yea, it was like a long trench coat or something) and began to throw it over her body as she lay on me, so she wouldn't get wet and cold from the rain. I asked her why she was crying, she told me she wasn't sad or anything, just happy. She then told me it was time and to get up. So I get up and we part the weeping branches of the willow and walk through. Next thing I know its completely dark out and it's still raining, only its coming down harder now. Theres now lightning and thunder all around. Jill was just here, but now shes gone. So I stand there looking around with each bolt of lightning, calling out to her. Then a bolt strikes, and I see her in front of me. Another bolt lights up the darkness, and shes right in front of me, looking at me. She tells me she's always wanted to be held in the rain, and has been waiting for me to hold her. So I stand there, holding her, in the pouring rain. We sit on the ground and she lays her head in my lap. I sit there, looking down at her. The rain softly hitting her face...watching as the lightning made the drops sparkle on her face. Her eyes were closed, entranced by the moment I assume. Every clap of thunder she'd pull me in closer.
I know this dream is in a lot more detail that that of my previous one. This one was very vivid. I remember it. I was originally just going to write out blah blah, and more blah blah, but I, for some reason, feel as if I need to type it as it happened. Like I said, coming to write what I thought was nothing, and then I get it all and write it out. So yea... 3:59am. I should be in bed, but I want to write. I'm not done.
It felt like i was there looking at her for what felt like hours, the rain still coming down and the lightning still there. Nothing changed. It felt like this was her moment. Like she was dreaming this to happen to her. Waiting for me to hold her in the rain? Once again, holding her, feeling as if she was getting as much out of it as she could. Just like when I held her in the previous dream, she didn't seem to want to ever let go. Here she is, once again, holding on.....
She finally opened her eyes and looked at me. I brushed the hair out of her face and told her I didn't understand. That this is just a dream, she replied with 'is it?'
I told her I don't know who she is, she told me that I know all too well who she is.
She sits up, softly rests her lips against mine, but never kissed me...our lips barely touched and she whispered the words 'you know where to find me' and left.
So I sit there...pondering what just happened. I decide to lay down, still out there in the rain. Next thing I know, I'm waking up in my bed.
So I don't know whats going on. Whats up with these dreams and how they seem to really just reach out and touch me. Maybe I'm being shown something. What that something is, i dont know...yet. But yea, I'll be back here tomorrow to write about my dream if I remember it, which I probably will since it's such a recurring ordeal now. And if Jill is in it once again.....I don't know what I'm going to do. It'll be a little too overwhelming. Just wish I had someone to talk to about it, they'd just laugh anyways.
So yea, Kamelot IS the shit. Band from right here in Tampa really. Started back in the 90's and they were pretty big over in Europe, but IMO their singer at the time sucked ass...like...so fucking bad. Then they lost a drummer, but found one. Their guitarist, Thom Youngblood, has been writing the songs n shit, and he had a whole album done but nobody to sing it. So after like 1000 auditions n stuff he was about to lose hope, Till Roy Khan walked in. He sang, they loved it. Khan had his own band, think it was called Conception, but once he joined Kamelot they went through the roof.
He's Norwegian, and he took Youngblood to his lil home town so they could have some other stuff to inspire lyrics....and holy shit do they have some good songs.
The band is melodic metal, so it has guitars n shit like a normal metal band, but they have pianos, violins, etc. Not to mention Khans voice is amazing, I really wish I could sing like he can, but sadly I can't. Wasn't my place to be a singer. But I havn't heard a lot of singers who can put so much emotion into the lyrics they sing. He's got real talent and it so sad not many people know about the band..
On one of their albums, Epica, all the songs are one big story. It's about a guy named Ariel who isn't happy with the answers that science and religion provide him. So he sets out to find these answers as he believes its the only thing that will make his life worthwhile. It's a really badass album if you sit and listen to it. One of those that should be made into a musical or some shit. I'd pay to see it.
But yea a lil while ago when i found out about them, I went on my moms computer, made it start playing Ghost Opera by Kamelot, and I leave, and come back cuz its loud out there, so shes blaring it. Yea, MY MOM, listening to some heavy ass symphonic metal...lol
Yea she comes back next thurs, so then this house wont seem so dull and gloom.
Ahhhh since I have like all their songs, I just went ahead and made a playlist of their Epica album. Love how one song ties into the next one...
Anyways, had another dream last night. This is really becoming something though...like
I went back to all my entries for since I last got 'back' on livejournal. And I was just watching the path the posts went to. I'm actually glad I 'documented' this change. One day I'm in a good mood, the next im sad, the next I'm at rock bottom, then my gets changed forever. Interesting, really. And I come on here to write about just one thing, thinking I don't have but a paragraph to say about it, and yet I somehow manage to come up with words. It's really weird. Who knows, maybe Selorah types for me. Looking back at the posts I don't even remember saying what I said in a lot of area, then had to re-read that segment and be like...hmmmm.
Do I go into a trance and just type type type? Wheres all this stuff to write coming from. Once I sit down and start typing, shit just comes back to me, like my dreams. I'll remember a good amount of it from waking up, but I sit and more of it unfolds. This page is gateway to my soul. A release.
But yea, I've been trying to communicate with Selorah after reading about other peoples stories with their angels, and ways to communicate with them and other stuff. It's pretty interesting. All you have to do is relax and open up yourself to them. But of course, it's easier said than done. Everyone said once they 'met' their angel, they can feel their presence all the time now. The presence has always been there, ever since you were born. Once you 'put a face' to that feeling, you understand what it is.
They say gut instincts are your guardian helping you out. They are your sixth sense. I'm sure anyone who reads this can somewhat agree with me here. How often has a gut feeling been wrong? Just chilling somewhere and you immediately get overcome with a feeling, which changes what your mood is instantly. Then you get a call, or someone tells you something, or you find out later. Or you are doing something, and yet you do it YOUR way because your gut tells you to. Disarming a bomb and they always say to cut, say, the red wire? No, your gut tells you its the blue you have to cut. If that is the 'guideline' why the hell would you cut a different wire? Seriously, just say you disarmed 1000 bombs, always cutting the red wire, but this 1001 bomb your gut says to cut the blue....but you always trust your gut, a trusting source. So I agree with that sixth sense coming from your guardian. Those 'I got a bad feeling about this' moments...yea, your angel is hinting at something. So from now on, I'm going to really listen to that feeling.
What if it really is my guardian doing that...and I just keep shrugging it off...she's bound to get upset because I'm being so hard headed.........maybe thats why when I prayed for a huge sign she came to me. Here I am! Now freaking listen idiot...lol
Supposedly when you get in connection with your angel, and you talk to them(you can ask them anything, so 'they' say) you ask a question and something comes to your mind in a split second, usually before you even finish asking it. Called a 'thought packet' by some angelologer or whatever they would be called. I asked a few questions to 'test the waters' and to my surprise I got some answers. At first I was thinking I was just saying those answers in my head to answer my own question, which I was and realized that, so I attempted to open myself even further and try again. Got a completely random answer to my question that made little sense at the time. But I asked again, and again, and they made more sense. It's like....really freaking weird but I suppose you'd get used to it. I also asked Selorah why my knee hurts, why nobody knows wtf is wrong with me, why I'm in pain. She told me that 'you must'
Really? I have to be in pain? That's not very helpful. So I ask 'WHY must I be in pain' and I get 'to feel'
Feel what? 'you must/to feel'
So I need to be in pain, in order to feel something. Don't think I'm going to ask more questions on that since I'm probably just going to get lil teeny answers. And whats in my head right now, not asking any more questions or anything, is i need to be in pain, in order to feel pain. Think I'll just let HER show me things. She seems to always do something to me in my sleep though. I go to bed, my eyes are closed, and I'll see these flashes of light, or a tiny ball of light. If I focus on that light it gets bigger until my eyelids get flooded with a light. So either my eyes are going crazy, or shes doing something. But yea...
Jill was once again in my dream. Never have I had a dream that was consecutive with the night before. No 2 dreams ever had the same people, places, similarities. Nothing of the sort. So yet again, I'm struck in awe.
I remember being in this....back area...like
You have a line of big buildings, then they all share the same backyard, which is big, then after the yard is another line of big buildings. So the backyard is just one big box, kinda like how Central Park is in NY. Big box, cept this area wasnt that big...maybe a football field in size.
It was nighttime, dark, well not too dark. Full moon that was huge, clear skies, millions of stars twinkling away. Every now and then a cloud would come and block out the moonlight for a moment. This back area was somewhat like a park, lots of big oaks and elms. There was a small lake that took up a good majority of this area. Along the edge sat a willow. Branches extending far out above the lake, its branches softly kissing the waters surface, only to be outdone by the moonlight glimmering along its silent surface. Reflections of the stars mirrored around. There was a bench at the lakes edge. So I'm sitting there on the bench, alone. It's quiet. Once again just like my dream the previous night, there is nobody around. Nobody in the buildings, no planes in the sky. Just alone. It was so peaceful.
So I sat there, softly crying for who knows what reason, and I say "Thank You"
I feel arms wrap around me and the words "you're welcome," so I quickly try and wipe away my tears to look behind me. It was Jill. "Didn't know you were there" and her reply was "i've been here"
So she comes and sits down on the bench next to me, commenting on how it was such a beautiful night, and how she's never seen the moon so big in such an open sky, and how much the moonlight lit up everything. It did, except the spot we were at, secluded under the willow.
I went on to ask her why there is nobody here, or even around for what seemed for miles. She looked at me and smiled, then proceeded to lay in my arms and told me that 'you and me are the only ones allowed here. Nobody knows about it, nobody ever will. Our spot."
So I say "OUR spot?" She nodded. Yes I was confused. Our spot? It was pretty big to just personally own. But with nobody around? It seemed more like a secret magical getaway. Why was she there in my dream, yet again? Why did she seem to have a mind of her own? Usually you have some control of your dreams. I didn't. Not the dream with Selorah, not the first dream with Jill, not this dream. All three felt as if I was pulled away into this 'land' and was able to actually be myself. No dream element to it. Just feeling so real.
So after she nodded, she told me that If I ever need her, to come to this spot. And if she ever needed me, she'll be there waiting. ...why would she be waiting for me to need her? It's confusing.... and the confusing thing about it, is in this dream, i remember her from the previous night. She remembered me too. But its like she knows exactly whats going on, knows that I'm confused about the strangeness to it. She doesn't rush me with info, she gives me the impression that i'll learn over time what I need to know.
I, of course, just take it as is for the time being.
There was a change in the air, the kind you can feel when rain is about to come. It softly began to rain, and at the same time it started to grow dark. She proceeded to cry at this opportune time, hoping the rain would mask her tears. I remove my coat(yea, it was like a long trench coat or something) and began to throw it over her body as she lay on me, so she wouldn't get wet and cold from the rain. I asked her why she was crying, she told me she wasn't sad or anything, just happy. She then told me it was time and to get up. So I get up and we part the weeping branches of the willow and walk through. Next thing I know its completely dark out and it's still raining, only its coming down harder now. Theres now lightning and thunder all around. Jill was just here, but now shes gone. So I stand there looking around with each bolt of lightning, calling out to her. Then a bolt strikes, and I see her in front of me. Another bolt lights up the darkness, and shes right in front of me, looking at me. She tells me she's always wanted to be held in the rain, and has been waiting for me to hold her. So I stand there, holding her, in the pouring rain. We sit on the ground and she lays her head in my lap. I sit there, looking down at her. The rain softly hitting her face...watching as the lightning made the drops sparkle on her face. Her eyes were closed, entranced by the moment I assume. Every clap of thunder she'd pull me in closer.
I know this dream is in a lot more detail that that of my previous one. This one was very vivid. I remember it. I was originally just going to write out blah blah, and more blah blah, but I, for some reason, feel as if I need to type it as it happened. Like I said, coming to write what I thought was nothing, and then I get it all and write it out. So yea... 3:59am. I should be in bed, but I want to write. I'm not done.
It felt like i was there looking at her for what felt like hours, the rain still coming down and the lightning still there. Nothing changed. It felt like this was her moment. Like she was dreaming this to happen to her. Waiting for me to hold her in the rain? Once again, holding her, feeling as if she was getting as much out of it as she could. Just like when I held her in the previous dream, she didn't seem to want to ever let go. Here she is, once again, holding on.....
She finally opened her eyes and looked at me. I brushed the hair out of her face and told her I didn't understand. That this is just a dream, she replied with 'is it?'
I told her I don't know who she is, she told me that I know all too well who she is.
She sits up, softly rests her lips against mine, but never kissed me...our lips barely touched and she whispered the words 'you know where to find me' and left.
So I sit there...pondering what just happened. I decide to lay down, still out there in the rain. Next thing I know, I'm waking up in my bed.
So I don't know whats going on. Whats up with these dreams and how they seem to really just reach out and touch me. Maybe I'm being shown something. What that something is, i dont know...yet. But yea, I'll be back here tomorrow to write about my dream if I remember it, which I probably will since it's such a recurring ordeal now. And if Jill is in it once again.....I don't know what I'm going to do. It'll be a little too overwhelming. Just wish I had someone to talk to about it, they'd just laugh anyways.