Been Visited Often by that Old Friend - Anxiety
Yesterday the kids and I had an amazing day. We only went out to pick up some trainers for hubby and Harvey but once out I decided I wanted to look around in a few more places, inside one shop they had baseball boots, a firm favourite amongst Angelica Imogen and Ivan, there was a giant sign printed with huge lettering " a further £30 reduced to clear " so we stopped to have a look, originally the price was over £55 then reduced to £35 for the sale now only £5 each pair, yep five pounds unbelievable, Angelica was gutted not to find a nice brightly coloured pair in her size so opted for the black and white but Imogen and Ivan stuck lucky with a bright royal blue and Imogen a red pair both with white detailing and soles. The three of them were so happy with their shoes it was quite funny.
Across the road from there I stopped to look at lipsticks, after trying Angelica's bright colour a couple of weeks ago I wanted my own but not red, pink instead. The shade which Ivan found me in tester form was perfect but the shop didn't have any left so I got a slightly different shade then when we came home last night I ordered the exact one Ivan had picked out from the internet, it should be here tomorrow. Hubby did get some trainers and Harvey took great pleasure in wearing his right up until he fell asleep late last night when I carefully removed them from his feet placing them inside their box then at the side of his Thomas the Tank Enginge bed.
This morning he's come downstairs half asleep cuddling the box of trainers and fallen asleep on the sofa next to me cuddled up with the box. So so cute.
I virtually passed out around 10pm after enjoying one of Angelica's ham bagels, she'd also bought me a gorgeous bunch of blue and white flowers as a thank you for taking them all out and buying them new shoes. I had also taken the girls underwear shopping, the sheer thrill of watching them sprinting down the stairs with their new bras on under their clothes excitingly telling me how 'perfect' they fit and how brilliant they think their underwear is was amazing.
So why then, after all that beautiful day yesterday, relaxing days prior to that and swimming on Friday do I feel so anxious about going to be officially weighed today?
I woke up around 5am with a pounding headache, its now less than two weeks till we go away together for the first holiday the kids have had since 2005, which means it is Harvey's first time and hubby as he didn't come with us last time. I am so looking forward to the week, especially because I can not do regular things with my children like running about the park or pushing them on the swings, so being able to go away and do a few things with them that I can manage will be amazing for them but especially for me.
They are growing up so fast, the girls are young women already, Imogen bought a beautiful dress yesterday, she looks so amazing in it too, a proper stunner. Angelica has finally got the hang of saying no to boys asking her out or for relationships, she is insisting on getting to know them first now which is fantastic. She's realised that when a boy asks for a relationship then all that happens is they spend hours each day texting or chatting via facebook chat, that is not a relationship, nor is it real contact so unless she is able to go out in a group and have fun with them a few times first, she says no now which is all we can ask of her really. I feel so proud she has got what we've both been trying to say to her since the summer.
I have to get ready soon but its like someone has turned on a tap outside, pouring down with rain and very grey. The sky is so dully it looks positively scary. Think about me wheeling from the carpark into the entrance of the building later, I will be soaked before I even get into the door. That is probably what brought on the headache during the night, it rained yesterday too.
I dont like it when anxiety builds up, my stomach hurts, I get a headache I can't get rid of and just feel generally sluggish and annoyed so get wound easily. I wish that anxiety to overload levels didn't build up for me but alas, the problem does exist and the only way it does go is if I dont plan on doing anything so its like a double edge sword as I dont want to be a vegetable, I want energy to be able to do more, lots more so refuse to give in to it for anything.
Across the road from there I stopped to look at lipsticks, after trying Angelica's bright colour a couple of weeks ago I wanted my own but not red, pink instead. The shade which Ivan found me in tester form was perfect but the shop didn't have any left so I got a slightly different shade then when we came home last night I ordered the exact one Ivan had picked out from the internet, it should be here tomorrow. Hubby did get some trainers and Harvey took great pleasure in wearing his right up until he fell asleep late last night when I carefully removed them from his feet placing them inside their box then at the side of his Thomas the Tank Enginge bed.
This morning he's come downstairs half asleep cuddling the box of trainers and fallen asleep on the sofa next to me cuddled up with the box. So so cute.
I virtually passed out around 10pm after enjoying one of Angelica's ham bagels, she'd also bought me a gorgeous bunch of blue and white flowers as a thank you for taking them all out and buying them new shoes. I had also taken the girls underwear shopping, the sheer thrill of watching them sprinting down the stairs with their new bras on under their clothes excitingly telling me how 'perfect' they fit and how brilliant they think their underwear is was amazing.
So why then, after all that beautiful day yesterday, relaxing days prior to that and swimming on Friday do I feel so anxious about going to be officially weighed today?
I woke up around 5am with a pounding headache, its now less than two weeks till we go away together for the first holiday the kids have had since 2005, which means it is Harvey's first time and hubby as he didn't come with us last time. I am so looking forward to the week, especially because I can not do regular things with my children like running about the park or pushing them on the swings, so being able to go away and do a few things with them that I can manage will be amazing for them but especially for me.
They are growing up so fast, the girls are young women already, Imogen bought a beautiful dress yesterday, she looks so amazing in it too, a proper stunner. Angelica has finally got the hang of saying no to boys asking her out or for relationships, she is insisting on getting to know them first now which is fantastic. She's realised that when a boy asks for a relationship then all that happens is they spend hours each day texting or chatting via facebook chat, that is not a relationship, nor is it real contact so unless she is able to go out in a group and have fun with them a few times first, she says no now which is all we can ask of her really. I feel so proud she has got what we've both been trying to say to her since the summer.
I have to get ready soon but its like someone has turned on a tap outside, pouring down with rain and very grey. The sky is so dully it looks positively scary. Think about me wheeling from the carpark into the entrance of the building later, I will be soaked before I even get into the door. That is probably what brought on the headache during the night, it rained yesterday too.
I dont like it when anxiety builds up, my stomach hurts, I get a headache I can't get rid of and just feel generally sluggish and annoyed so get wound easily. I wish that anxiety to overload levels didn't build up for me but alas, the problem does exist and the only way it does go is if I dont plan on doing anything so its like a double edge sword as I dont want to be a vegetable, I want energy to be able to do more, lots more so refuse to give in to it for anything.