I am home!!
So everyone i am home in tracy. To those of you who saw me last night i was downtown. It was fun, but i kinda had a panic attack, but i was ok. I had to leave early though. But the events of the past mounth hade been the hardest of my live. I was forced to feel and confront the things that i have been numbing for the past 6 year. It was so fucking hard. But i know in my heart that i need to go back for more treatment, cause i am no where close to being better. So the plan is to call Dy, the program director, on monday and see if he can get medi_cal to contract with him so i can go back. I already feel myself sliping and it has not even been 48hrs. yet. So i might be gone again for a longer time this time. But i know that i need this to get my life back. But today Was ok i woke up at 5:30am, that was the time that we woke up there, and went for a 2hr. speed walk. A lil compulsive i know. But i gained like 20lbs. seince i was there, and i feel fat. I look fat too. Sorry but i am haveing very bad body image, and dont know how to handle it, so i am taking it out on my self. But i will be around. So if you guys want call me!