warning: super long post about paint colors...

[nbjones]

I have officially decided that I am going to paint my room! I'm excited because I need a change AND its so risky. I don't remember what the lease says and I can't find it, but I am assuming I am not allowed to do such things...at least not without talking to my landlord about it, to which I am sure they'd refuse to let me anyway. I basically don't

Comments

[sweet_tiff4prez]

I like pink and I like your room.
what apartment is this again?

I remember you telling me you broke cell phones. I had times I felt like breaking mine but I dont have the guts lol.

[nbjones]

i thought about painting it a nicer and slightly darker shade of pink to make it a little more vibrant...then going with the dark pink curtains, which i LOVE.

i live in an old building built in 1930... i like such places so i haven't moved. hardwood floors, mostly original light fixtures, old scary elevator that does still work... its vintage and fabulous!

yeah... i've broken many things and worse beyond that. its not about guts... i'm sorta crazy and so its inevitable. :D

[sweet_tiff4prez]

yeah ive had so much anger before (mainly before I took wellbutrin) but for some reason I prevent myself from breaking them . I dont know how.

I have thrown things though

[nbjones]

i'm over alllll of the medications i've been on over the past 12 years. its nice to be able to at least try to control my own anger/depression/anxiety and its always a challenge but i've found a lot comes from maturity, trial and error. i've dealt with this forever and its here to stay so i try to learn what sets me off/makes me cry/makes me unable to breathe/panic (although, its usually not triggered by anything logical anyway) and learn to control it... i just hate how i feel on medication. i do/say less ridiculous things when on it, but i also don't feel in control of any of my emotions or actions...which sounds ironic. i feel like a shell. can't cry or break things or feel anything. i'd rather be a maniac in some ways! but some of my insane reactions are because of my crappy genetic predisposition and some are just because i am a nut either way.

but i'm glad you've found something that works well for you! you're lucky...and hopefully you won't have to take it forever.

[sweet_tiff4prez]

Ive found some ways to control my anger too.

I think thats cool that you are handling it yourself.

I definately at times cant control my depression at times considering its half situational and half a chemical imbalance. Hard to control it if Im depressed for no reason.

most of my anger is caused because of depression. I get more angry when Im depressed and more irritable.

I think some medications do what you just said. zombie feeling, no emotions. But not all are like that.

I definately still at times get angry. I still cry and emotional but not like blown out depressed. I dont feel like a zombie. I have more energy. Im glad I picked wellbutrin.

Its cool that you dont have to take meds though. Sometimes I wish I didnt but I know its for the best. I sometimes think about toying around and not taking it lol but then I go back to my older entries of being a mess and complaining and then convince myself to not stop.

[nbjones]

depression isn't just when you feel "depressed", well, unless someone is not depressed and just feeling feeling depressed.

trust me, i'm a veteran of the chemical imbalance. i'm not situationally depressed whatsoever. that is why its here to stay. you don't have to take medication, is my point. you either choose to or you choose not to. i decided i didn't want to take medication for the rest of my life, and i would because it's not going anyway...so i stopped. i have to deal with a lot of b.s. but so be it... i would rather do that then to feel like a shell so i am forced to figure out ways to deal with depression and anxiety. so if you're not on medication you have no other option but to handle it yourself. believe me, its definitely not easy. because i've dealt with this my whole life, its probably easier for me to control it a little better than people it may be new to or temporarily/situationally happen to. this is what i meant by maturity... over time, you learn about your reactions and what triggers it and so on...but when i

[sweet_tiff4prez]

I honestly think a lot of people are misdiagnosed and are too much medicated but some people honestly really seriously need to take medication. Well like you said you dont have to you just choose to

[nbjones]

what happened when you weren't on medication? like you were dying or like you reaaaalllly couldn't stand how you felt/operated day to day? idk that i would compare it to diabetes...as you probably won't die from not taking medication unless you hurt yourself, God forbid. Medication is good for you and works well for you and is best for you, but "need" is kinda strong to me when you compare it to something like diabetes.

yeah, there are some people that really do need medication, but i list them under people who are bipolar or manic...and i mean bipolar........not "bipolar", like everyone seems to think they are, "sometimes i am sad and other times i am happy so i must be bipolar!". yeah. they should see what really happens to people who are bipolar and what they do. everyone wants to be depressed/bipolar, apparently. it's glamorous, i guess. boo on fakers. that passionately pisses me off.

i agree that when on medication one can able to operate better day to day. yes, you benefit from it. when people take medication life is easier

[sweet_tiff4prez]

What you just said. I couldnt stand how I could feel day to day

[sweet_tiff4prez]

ive also stuck my middle finger up at drivers who cant drive a few times. lol.
Im not trying to do it anymore because I might cross someone crazy.

One day I was really angry(pmsing) driving to work and this one car cut in frot of me. I stuck my middle finger up at them..and then realized it was an old couple. I kinda felt bad

[nbjones]

lol

awww that is kinda sad...