warning: super long post about paint colors...
I have officially decided that I am going to paint my room! I'm excited because I need a change AND its so risky. I don't remember what the lease says and I can't find it, but I am assuming I am not allowed to do such things...at least not without talking to my landlord about it, to which I am sure they'd refuse to let me anyway. I basically don't
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trust me, i'm a veteran of the chemical imbalance. i'm not situationally depressed whatsoever. that is why its here to stay. you don't have to take medication, is my point. you either choose to or you choose not to. i decided i didn't want to take medication for the rest of my life, and i would because it's not going anyway...so i stopped. i have to deal with a lot of b.s. but so be it... i would rather do that then to feel like a shell so i am forced to figure out ways to deal with depression and anxiety. so if you're not on medication you have no other option but to handle it yourself. believe me, its definitely not easy. because i've dealt with this my whole life, its probably easier for me to control it a little better than people it may be new to or temporarily/situationally happen to. this is what i meant by maturity... over time, you learn about your reactions and what triggers it and so on...but when i just can't control things.... things get broken, scars 'magically' come about, hair gets ripped out, driving gets wreckless, and i hurt a lot of people i care about in many ways. its living hell and happens regularly, but tbh, if it takes me 10 more years to figure it out without medicine, i will! can't go back.
my anger is a completely different issue...sometimes it can be triggered more easily because of depression or anxiety but my problems are a mix of a lot of things, biological or not. that's all we'll say about that.
but i hope that everything works out for you. since you're sorta situational its possible for you to correct things with medication and maybe one day you won't need it anymore. the best you can do is whatever you think is best for yourself. if ever need advice or someone to talk to... i'm around and i could talk years worth of knowledge to you.
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Im talking about the people that have tried everything in the book-vitamins, exercising, eating right and still get depressed. Drained, tired, missing days in work, missing out in social life and other things that have effected their life.
Depression is usually only a problem if it effects your daily life.
Some people are like,"omgzzzzzz im so depressed or bipolar," when they are just sad lol.
A lot of people get sad in life and grieve. They tend to get over it. Depression is something that lingers or comes and goes.
Depression and sadness are two different things. I dont think people realize it.
But I take it as this. If someone is really suffering with depression or mood swings out of the blue ..they basically most likely will benefit from taking medication the rest of their life. Its like someone with diabetes who has to take insulin the rest of their life.
A pill however is not a quick fix if your situation doesnt change. It however can help.
I agree that you can find out what your triggers are to try to eliminate it..but I find for me the best combo is lessening the triggers and taking meds works the best.
thanks for commenting :D
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yeah, there are some people that really do need medication, but i list them under people who are bipolar or manic...and i mean bipolar........not "bipolar", like everyone seems to think they are, "sometimes i am sad and other times i am happy so i must be bipolar!". yeah. they should see what really happens to people who are bipolar and what they do. everyone wants to be depressed/bipolar, apparently. it's glamorous, i guess. boo on fakers. that passionately pisses me off.
i agree that when on medication one can able to operate better day to day. yes, you benefit from it. when people take medication life is easier as far as getting up, going to work/school, doing what you need to do without breaking down. it would be MUCH better for me if i sucked it up and took medication. when i was medicated i was able to goto school and work and not sit for hours in my room crying or pulling out hair. but i also didn't like how i felt whatsoever. of course, it was a less crappy feeling than feeling like i wanted to jump from the Y-bridge. so why would i make the choice not to use medication?
i'm determined to figure it out on my own. whether that will happen or not, beats me, and to be honest, i don't know that it will last much longer if i want to keep relationships/job/finish school. for me, right now, its the lesser of 2 evils. i don't like feeling like a shell. perhaps it was the medication i took, but i wasn't like you seem to be now. i didn't laugh or feel happy...i felt nothing at all. you know, i still felt depressed but i COULDN'T cry/get angry/freak out. At least depressed i feel like a [crazy] person. bottom line is that the shitty feeling of pills is not worth it to me. so yeah, pills help....but at a price i don't really want to pay. life is hard with depression, i'm aware of this :D and believe me it interferes with my life tremendously. i don't want that for myself but medicine isn't an option at the moment. i've tried exercise and vitamins and even alternative medicines...nothing. so many i should take medicine again and find one that works. But you also have to understand that if you've taken so many, its a bit discouraging to try a 9th or 10th pill "just to see how it works". no thanks. actually, about a year and a half ago, after i decided "no meds!", i DID get a 9th medication because i couldn't deal without it....thought i would give it a try because i couldn't function in school and socially... tried it for 8 months and it didn't make me feel any different than the rest.
perhaps one day i will realize/decide i can't handle things on my own as a did a year ago and take meds. right now i guess i am optimistic for some reason. i wasn't lucky enough to find one that works well for me like yours seems to work for you.
trust me when i say you're lucky...
i think i just lost faith in western medicine or something lame like that. maybe a phase, maybe not. i may or may not decide to get on medication again. i like the idea of functioning better in society...but i'm scared and feel let down by doctors. my last appointment in march, i cried my eyes out when i was prescribed some shit. i'll live this way for a while longer, or until i can't stand it.
thanks for YOUR advice :) i agree its best to do whatever it is you think will be best for you and your life!
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when I wasnt on medication..my depression and mood swings got worse over the years.
I dont have like depression where Im depressed everyday. That would suck. I rather have unpredictable mood swings than depressed everyday or the majority of the time.
It comes and goes which was really annoying. My moods could switch in a day, every few hours or every few days or weeks. I didnt know when the next mood swing would come. I could wake up in a good mood and then out of the blue angry and depressed . It would suck because if I had something planned during the day it would ruin it or I wouldnt have the energy to go to work but I forced myself (it was hard) to go and put on a fake smile.
The worst time was this one day last winter where I woke up depressed and felt so fatigued I could barely move. Odd feeling. I had to call off work that day which I rarely ever call off work.
It was like being on a roller coaster lol. It got to the point I couldnt predict when my mood would change. I had more suicidal thoughts than before. Never plan on acting on it but I guess that was just a symptom of my depression.
Sometimes it would be triggered by stress or life events but then there were times it would come out of nowhere. Mood swings were worse during the winter.
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You nailed it. So many people are misdiagnosed with bipolar and its so damn annoying when someone is like,"OMgz I was happy and now Im sad. Im so bipolar."
Its like bitch pls lol. Ive seen people with bipolar. Bipolar is more than just being sad one day and happy. Its being over happy and sad and theres a bunch of symptoms and criteria for someone to be diagnosed. Manic --Depression. Different types of bipolar disorder also. It usually takes awhile for someone to be diagnosed anyway because people who seek help usually just come to therapy when they are depressed. They dont talk about the manic episodes so some therapists just diagnose them with major depression disorder.
It could have been the medication you took. Sometimes it takes trial and error to find the right one.
But if you can handle it without medication power to you. :)
Taking an antidepressant does not mean a person wont ever be depressed. I lol at people who think that. In all honestly I sometimes get depressed but its more rare and if I do feel depressed its not even as intense as before and it does not last. I also have less mood swings.
I rarely get depressed. The majority of the month its pretty much stable which is way less annoying.
I do now that even if I take meds I still have to eliminate triggers ie not getting enough sleep, not eating right, alcohol.
Alcohol really fucks me over also. I can see why they say to not drink while you are on antidepressants considering alcohol is a depressant. It made me have an episode last month and I ended up back to where I started until a few days later and felt very depressed . worse than before I took meds. I was thinking my medication wasnt working anymore but it was the alcohol that triggered it.
The exercising to an extent did help. I got so lazy this year which could explain possibly why I had more mood swings however like you said vitamins and exercising does not always work. Shit if Im depressed I dont even feel like exercising. I dont feel like doing anything.
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I can understand why you dont want to be on meds considering you took many different brands. It has to be exhausting.
Do what you think is right. I will however tell you if you continue to feel depressed even trying different methods your depression most likely will get worse. I know it did for me.
lol this is so long
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