So let's make a list of who we need and it's not much if anything
It's difficult to find good friends anymore. My friends that work with me have become strictly work friends that don't attempt to have a relationship with me off work grounds. They get upset when work comes up in conversation with me when they aren't at work, yet text me ONLY about work things. I'm not sure I understand. I'm not sure it is worth trying. It pains me to read my post from a year ago because things haven't changed a whole lot, the only difference is I have found a wonderful guy that tries so hard... and all I can think about it how much I still don't feel like I'm enough. That isn't fair to him, and I love him more than anything, I know it's him that I want to be with forever.. I just don't feel like we will ever get there. This is such a happy time in our lives, My coworker/friend as stated earlier just got engaged today and I am so happy for her, but I still can't help but feel like the things in my life have never mattered. My boyfriend just got a house, and he keeps trying to make me feel included, and I appreciate it and I love the house he chose (it's the one we wanted), but it makes me feel even more set back and like it will take that much longer to get my life up and running. I have tried so hard to not think about it, but I am surrounded by people that constantly remind me how things are.. and how much I am behind. I should be enjoying everything I am doing, I should be embracing the few great things I have left right now, but it's so hard when you're walking alone. My dad just recently lost his job, too, and I feel so bad for my family right now :( But even in that, when I thought I was being good, and trying to be helpful it turned into something a whole lot worse and I didn't understand. I guess I don't understand a lot because I've always tried to be simple. Life isn't simple. People aren't simple. And I am sure, with all these thoughts, I'm not as simple as I think I am. I just wish everything didn't hurt so bad, and I wish it didn't feel like this is how it's always going to be.