.....tear....
I'm not sure what to tell ya'll about my life this time...Life right now is still pretty shitty...I have not gotten to sleep b4 2 or 3 in the past 4 nites. I have either been crying till I couldn't anymore or talkin Colby out of stupid bullshit...Last nite I cried for god only knows how long...Colby took 20 250mg of Hydrocoden and I was so scared that he wouldn't make it...Yea me and him have our little squabbles and shit but that doesn't mean that I want ne thing bad to happen to him...He told me that him takin them was all my fault and that I didn't do anyone any good..well I dunno bout the doing ne one any good part but the other one I do blame myself for...I never told him to take them but that's just how shit ended up. I also endangered my own health last nite by taking 2 500mg loritabs that's not enough to kill me or ne thing but it will kick ur ass!! I don't know how many times I blacked out last nite. A part of my heart still mourns over Robin and when Colby threw that up in my face .... I just lost it...I don't know what came over me...He told my mom that if his mom found out what was going on and why he took those pills that she would never let him see me again but that wouldn't b my falut he was the one who took the pills and now he has to pay for what he's done...Everyone will pay for whut they've done in their life ...not always right away but eventually it will catch up with you. This is the poem that I wrote last nite...I didn't exactly finish it but I don't know what else I could do with it so here ya go....
My 2 Lost Loves...
My last decision stands, as I say my long goodbye,
My soul won't rest, it will just up and fly,
My razor cuts deep into my wrist,
Blood pours out in a simple bliss,
My heart dies, from the inside out,
My mind is in a daze, no longer in doubt,
I jump from the cliff, hit rock bottom and die,
Maybe someday everyone will be able to get by,
Without me here, everyone's lives will be better,
You kill yourself, inside I die,
I've lost 2 now, my two loves,
May their souls rest, and fly like the dove,
Because I can not take the pain anymore,
Life is nothing to me, just an evil bore,
I have accomplished nothing, only in the gain of pain,
Your face stays fresh in my mind, your face only I see,
They ask me what's wrong, I look at them and begin to cry and tell them to leave me be,
No one can understand my pain from inside, I long for that peace that comfort you once gave,
But u denied me, sent me away and now ur lying so deep and cold in ur grave,
I hope u know what u've done to me, all the shit u put me through,
Gave me ur posion, mixed it up with all ur hate and pain, an evil witches brew,
Now is when I leave u be, You brought me nothing, and now there's nothing left,
I now say goodbye, with my final breath..
"I'll miss you and I once loved you, but this is the end....Goodbye..."
I don't know why I wrote that last nite but I just did. I still think that I put on a pretty good show for people that I don't want to know what's going on inside..."are you okay.....yea, I'm fine ....just tired that's all" " ok if ur sure.....thankz" That's usually the conversation but no one will ever know the other side of Jessica...the side no one see's that no one understands...I am me but what part of me do you know? or do u know me at all? I now say goodbye for now...I'll update the rest of my pathetic life later...
My 2 Lost Loves...
My last decision stands, as I say my long goodbye,
My soul won't rest, it will just up and fly,
My razor cuts deep into my wrist,
Blood pours out in a simple bliss,
My heart dies, from the inside out,
My mind is in a daze, no longer in doubt,
I jump from the cliff, hit rock bottom and die,
Maybe someday everyone will be able to get by,
Without me here, everyone's lives will be better,
You kill yourself, inside I die,
I've lost 2 now, my two loves,
May their souls rest, and fly like the dove,
Because I can not take the pain anymore,
Life is nothing to me, just an evil bore,
I have accomplished nothing, only in the gain of pain,
Your face stays fresh in my mind, your face only I see,
They ask me what's wrong, I look at them and begin to cry and tell them to leave me be,
No one can understand my pain from inside, I long for that peace that comfort you once gave,
But u denied me, sent me away and now ur lying so deep and cold in ur grave,
I hope u know what u've done to me, all the shit u put me through,
Gave me ur posion, mixed it up with all ur hate and pain, an evil witches brew,
Now is when I leave u be, You brought me nothing, and now there's nothing left,
I now say goodbye, with my final breath..
"I'll miss you and I once loved you, but this is the end....Goodbye..."
I don't know why I wrote that last nite but I just did. I still think that I put on a pretty good show for people that I don't want to know what's going on inside..."are you okay.....yea, I'm fine ....just tired that's all" " ok if ur sure.....thankz" That's usually the conversation but no one will ever know the other side of Jessica...the side no one see's that no one understands...I am me but what part of me do you know? or do u know me at all? I now say goodbye for now...I'll update the rest of my pathetic life later...