*~*There's no subject for life as it is now...*~*
*~*I wish that I would just disappear...because then no one would like/love me and I wouldn't have to hurt anyone...and all the pain that I feel and the other person would/is feeling wouldn't have to feel it any more. My past couple of weeks have had a very big variation...one day being happy and then the next I'm bawling my eyes out b/c of my own stupidity. Shit is sooo fucked up at school!! I hate it! one day I'm ok with my friends and then the next one of them wants to "supposedly" "beat my ass" Whut the fuck kinda friend is that? Hell if I know...Or maybe if I couldn't disappear maybe I could just go back in time and redo my whole freshman year...God how I wish...But seein as I can't really do either one...I have to live and deal with what I did to myself and the decisions that I made. I've hurt too many people to accept myself as the way I am. Maybe if I had never met any guys that I've dated in the past I wouldn't b the way I am now and they wouldn't of been hurt or hurting now. I will never forgive myself for the shit I've done...I don't even deserve it. Have u ever wished that u would just all of a sudden get a death bringing disease? I have and do! B/c If I wasn't here....maybe everyone would just be happier. I've tried to change my ways but...my whole life is about change and forgiveness. With my mom and dad and grandparents the fuckin drama and bullshit never seem to end w/ me...Only when I'm away does it seem to dim...Should I just go walking and never come back? My heart just needs to stop...with everything...beating, loving, feeling, every emotion that can cause pain or happiness. I just wanna live. Not breathe, just kinda be here, like the shadow that follows you as the sun goes down...I'll say my last goodbyes and kiss this world goodbye as I take my final breaths...Please don't cry for me...It's not worth your time...There's someone better out there for you...goodbye...
*~*Navaeh*~*
*~*Navaeh*~*