Still sad, but still here, too.
I know I bitch a lot about having gained weight, and I always struggle to get across just why it bothers me so much. I look at other "big" girls, and don't think they look gross or anything. But I've only just now realized how to verbalize it.
I don't want to look awkward anymore. I could live with being heavier, if it was proportionate to my height and frame. I actually have a teeny frame, I'm not big boned at all.
I want to feel beautiful. I want to be sexy for my boyfriend. And that's impossible when I look like Randy from Trailer Park Boys. (But worse, imagine his gut 1/3 deflated...) (And for the record, Dan still tells me I'm hot, still comes on to me...he's been amazing that way! However he admits that any aversion to my body is mostly overridden by his feelings for me. The aversion IS there, though...) My saving grace is my face, which is relatively pretty, and my eyes, which people comment on no matter what I weigh. That's great for user pics and head shots, but doesn't cut it between the sheets, you know? Not to mention that clothes just don't fit me. Not even plus size, because I'm not "uniformly" plus size, and I've even tried maternity wear, but that doesn't hang right, either. So, I know I have to draw up a schedule/healthy menu/exercise regimen, but it would be nice if I could work with what I have until the weight comes off...
.
I don't want to look awkward anymore. I could live with being heavier, if it was proportionate to my height and frame. I actually have a teeny frame, I'm not big boned at all.
I want to feel beautiful. I want to be sexy for my boyfriend. And that's impossible when I look like Randy from Trailer Park Boys. (But worse, imagine his gut 1/3 deflated...) (And for the record, Dan still tells me I'm hot, still comes on to me...he's been amazing that way! However he admits that any aversion to my body is mostly overridden by his feelings for me. The aversion IS there, though...) My saving grace is my face, which is relatively pretty, and my eyes, which people comment on no matter what I weigh. That's great for user pics and head shots, but doesn't cut it between the sheets, you know? Not to mention that clothes just don't fit me. Not even plus size, because I'm not "uniformly" plus size, and I've even tried maternity wear, but that doesn't hang right, either. So, I know I have to draw up a schedule/healthy menu/exercise regimen, but it would be nice if I could work with what I have until the weight comes off...
.