Long post. No cuts, sorry.
Dan has redeemed himself. I think, lol.
But my last post was first and foremost inspired by my fucktard sack o' shit roommate. I was upset at Dan, too, but that was my own hypersensitivity getting away from me. Technically he hadn't really done anything "wrong". He had just disappeared for a few days, and I took it personally, which, in our situation, I'm not supposed to do... But it's hard when he used to voluntarily call me everyday, and come over every two or three days... We haven't even been together two months, and he's already lost so much interest. I guess it hurts my already fractured ego. I have to admit, though, when we do talk on the phone, we just have nothing to say after a minute or two... Which is fucked up, because then there's Jay, who, after 4 & a half years, I can still manage to yak with for an hour or more on the phone, several times a week. And then there's my Amby, who I could talk to every day, two, three, four times a day, for months on end, and never, ever run out of things to say... I miss those phone calls sooooo fucking much... Someone else gets them now. And so much more. :,(+
I am reminded of a Patsy Cline song. (Yes, I like Patsy Cline! *hides Goth Card*) The lyrics are a bit dated, but the sentiment fits the situation perfectly. Funny, I was thinking of this song on the bus ride home from getting my tattoo.
She's Got You by Patsy Cline
I've got your picture that you gave to me
And it's signed "with love", just like it used to be
The only thing different, the only thing new
I've got your picture, she's got you
I've got the records that we used to share
And they still sound the same as when you were here
The only thing different, the only thing new
I've got the records, she's got you
I've got your memory, or, has it got me?
I really don't know but I know it won't let me be
I've got your class ring that proved you cared
And it still looks the same as when you gave it, dear
The only thing different, the only thing new
I've got these little things, she's got you
I've got your memory, or, has it got me?
I really don't know but I know it won't let me be
I've got your class ring that proved you cared
And it still looks the same as when you gave it, dear
The only thing different, the only thing new
I've got these little things, she's-got-you
Believe me, everyone, I'd love to put this behind me. I know it's pointless, hopeless, even pathetic. But what can I do? Reminders are all around me, dreams haunt me, memories plague me. I don't feel whole.
But he has clearly moved on, clearly does not want anything to do with me. Sometimes I think he despises me. I know alxxx369 does. It only took him six months. They all hate me in the end. And if they don't hate me, they forget about me completely.
Wow, this has turned into a maudlin, bummer post! Some of it may not even make sense to many of you. (Amby? Who???) But I don't care. I'm just getting stuff out of my system. Blame it on the wine, lol.
Tonight I had dinner with my mom & my kids, (and my bro, his friend, and Chris) and it ran much later that I expected, so I didn't make it to nighthawk21's party. But I know she'll understand that spending time with my boys comes first... So I'm now drinking the wine I was going to bring to the party, lol. Perhaps I'll see her at Savage...
I also met my brother's friend Chhayden (not a typo - apparently it's Cambodian) and we had a spirited and interesting conversation about Wicca, Paganism, Witchcraft, and what it means to be connected to nature, and to be psychically sensitive, etc. It was cool to finally have someone to talk to about these things. Not everyone understands... I would like to talk to him again, for sure.
When I got home tonight, I saw that Dan had called twice. It turns out he was going to come down, but his ride was gone by the time I called him back. This was a total departure from last night's conversation. I wasn't expecting to see him till at least next week-end. He's coming down tomorrow morning/afternoon. I really don't know how he feels about me. Not a fucking clue.
Note: Before showing off your awesome ninja skills to your 10 year old son, practice!!! I think I whacked my elbow with the nunchucks yesterday. It didn't hurt then, but now it feels like someone took a hammer to my elbow. OUCH!
Oh, geez, it's midnight! The witching hour, woo! Fuck it, I'm not even going to get dressed up to go to Savage. Who cares? But I do have to put make up on. Wouldn't want to scare the other patrons. Ciao!
But my last post was first and foremost inspired by my fucktard sack o' shit roommate. I was upset at Dan, too, but that was my own hypersensitivity getting away from me. Technically he hadn't really done anything "wrong". He had just disappeared for a few days, and I took it personally, which, in our situation, I'm not supposed to do... But it's hard when he used to voluntarily call me everyday, and come over every two or three days... We haven't even been together two months, and he's already lost so much interest. I guess it hurts my already fractured ego. I have to admit, though, when we do talk on the phone, we just have nothing to say after a minute or two... Which is fucked up, because then there's Jay, who, after 4 & a half years, I can still manage to yak with for an hour or more on the phone, several times a week. And then there's my Amby, who I could talk to every day, two, three, four times a day, for months on end, and never, ever run out of things to say... I miss those phone calls sooooo fucking much... Someone else gets them now. And so much more. :,(+
I am reminded of a Patsy Cline song. (Yes, I like Patsy Cline! *hides Goth Card*) The lyrics are a bit dated, but the sentiment fits the situation perfectly. Funny, I was thinking of this song on the bus ride home from getting my tattoo.
She's Got You by Patsy Cline
I've got your picture that you gave to me
And it's signed "with love", just like it used to be
The only thing different, the only thing new
I've got your picture, she's got you
I've got the records that we used to share
And they still sound the same as when you were here
The only thing different, the only thing new
I've got the records, she's got you
I've got your memory, or, has it got me?
I really don't know but I know it won't let me be
I've got your class ring that proved you cared
And it still looks the same as when you gave it, dear
The only thing different, the only thing new
I've got these little things, she's got you
I've got your memory, or, has it got me?
I really don't know but I know it won't let me be
I've got your class ring that proved you cared
And it still looks the same as when you gave it, dear
The only thing different, the only thing new
I've got these little things, she's-got-you
Believe me, everyone, I'd love to put this behind me. I know it's pointless, hopeless, even pathetic. But what can I do? Reminders are all around me, dreams haunt me, memories plague me. I don't feel whole.
But he has clearly moved on, clearly does not want anything to do with me. Sometimes I think he despises me. I know alxxx369 does. It only took him six months. They all hate me in the end. And if they don't hate me, they forget about me completely.
Wow, this has turned into a maudlin, bummer post! Some of it may not even make sense to many of you. (Amby? Who???) But I don't care. I'm just getting stuff out of my system. Blame it on the wine, lol.
Tonight I had dinner with my mom & my kids, (and my bro, his friend, and Chris) and it ran much later that I expected, so I didn't make it to nighthawk21's party. But I know she'll understand that spending time with my boys comes first... So I'm now drinking the wine I was going to bring to the party, lol. Perhaps I'll see her at Savage...
I also met my brother's friend Chhayden (not a typo - apparently it's Cambodian) and we had a spirited and interesting conversation about Wicca, Paganism, Witchcraft, and what it means to be connected to nature, and to be psychically sensitive, etc. It was cool to finally have someone to talk to about these things. Not everyone understands... I would like to talk to him again, for sure.
When I got home tonight, I saw that Dan had called twice. It turns out he was going to come down, but his ride was gone by the time I called him back. This was a total departure from last night's conversation. I wasn't expecting to see him till at least next week-end. He's coming down tomorrow morning/afternoon. I really don't know how he feels about me. Not a fucking clue.
Note: Before showing off your awesome ninja skills to your 10 year old son, practice!!! I think I whacked my elbow with the nunchucks yesterday. It didn't hurt then, but now it feels like someone took a hammer to my elbow. OUCH!
Oh, geez, it's midnight! The witching hour, woo! Fuck it, I'm not even going to get dressed up to go to Savage. Who cares? But I do have to put make up on. Wouldn't want to scare the other patrons. Ciao!