Dear Jason, V
Last night i had a dream and you were in it. I'm not sure exactly what happened... i think it was just a memory. Because in my dream we were downstairs on the couch and you were with your head on my lap and i was playing with your hair. I remember looking down and feeling the happiest i have in almost 2 weeks. You didn't even say anything and i dont think i said anything to you. We were just in a moment together. All of this feels like a dream. Unreal to me... maybe because i am probably still in denial. I can't even remember what you sound like anymore. I mean i could listen to all the voicemails on my phone... but i would just cry and so on my phone they remain. I was good yesterday. I teared up only once.. but never cried. i went shopping in the morning and bought some air freshners for our room and the bathroom to get rid of the musty smell. They work really well. I also bought a corset and new panties to match. I feel a little insecure lately and bought those to feel more sexy. To myself. I also saw my mom, her and my dad are still having problems and my dad is not working again. I don't know why she just wont divorce him. They can't even work it out because he always reverts back when life gets complicated. I think a lot of people do that. Yesterday was also my day off.... doesn't feel like it. Tonight i have my final for this mod. Wahoo! i feel pretty good about it so i'm not concerned. I hope you don't come tonight to get your stuff. I moved it only because it hurts to look at... but i pass it in the other room all the time and it's comforting to see you haven't completely moved. I guess it gives me hope. Even though from the sounds of everyone else... there is no hope you don't want to be with me ever again. Idk... when you finally take it.. if you do.. i feel like another 2 weeks of crying will be in toe. but i'm not sure.. i'm getting better now. Everyone told me to wait 2 weeks for you to say anything... and i'm trying my best to respect that. It's so hard... everytime i think about you i choke up in my throat and get knots in my stomach... probably why i can't eat. I'm sure your parents are surprised.. i went there for dinner and i hardly ate anything...again. Tonight you are seeing your brother. i hope you guys have a good dinner. I wish i could have came. I wish you still wanted me to be a part of your life. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have to to thank for almost everything i have and am now.