(no subject)
So I guess I only post to livejournal when I'm depressed now. I feel it's the only place I have to vent/ let things out without getting a general response that is most likely fake. So if you don't wanna hear a jumbled vent of mine, read no further.
This year has been by far the hardest one I have experienced. Ever since my grandpa got into an accident, it seems like everything is going down hill. Danielle's great grandma, who I've known since I was little past away. God rest her soul. I was trying so hard to be strong for my best friend. I couldn't imagine what she was going through.
In the mean time I found out my grandma had cancer. No one really knew how bad it really was since my g.ma likes to downplay her health. I was worried shitless. She ended up having surgery..removing one of her kidneys.
About a couple weeks later I find out my 2ndcousin Michael went missing. I figured he just ran off due to his shitty ass parents(my cousin) he has. We grew up together..he followed me everywhere when we were little..we talked every day. We were best friends. I was suppose to visit him in Texas this summer. Even talked about moving to Sac with me. There was no signs of what was to come.
Two weeks of him being gone, my cousin Jim has his army squad..or whatever..help search for him. They found him within less than a mile from there farm in texas..dead. My world had come to a stop. A week later the whole family flew to texas for a week. While I was there of course I was still in shock, depressed, I did nothing but sob. My cousin Jim, Michaels dad & his wife seemed to be doing fine. Every one of michaels siblings seemed fine. which disturbed me. They also expected me to do the same..which i guess in the end made me seem like a bitch? according to Jim. Anyways after the funeral my cousin wanted us to pitty him & tell him it wasnt his fault. When in fact..he is probably the reason Michael was so ill. He is an abuser. physically & mentally. BUT i did no such thing. He took it as us blaming him.
When we arrived back in cali..Jim had changed Michaels myspace around..took me off his top 8 & deleted my comments. Of course this is gonna piss me off. So I gave him a lil piece of my mind b.c I was sick & tired of everyone going around on their tip toes my whole life with Jim. He then in return told me, my mom & grandma to go to hell & that we were never wanted there. yadda yadda. World War broke out when he said that. Long story short, our family is broken. I know it's not how Michael wouuld have wanted things to end in Texas. And I am sorry for that but at the same time I feel like I was sticking up for Michael as well as telling Jim how everyone felt. Wether it was my place to do so or not..I could give a rats ass. I still think of Michael every day. I just want him back with me. Everytime I look at his pictures or think of the times we've shared...I sob.
Besides that I have been going through alot of drama with friends & boys. For some reason drama love my life but I do not love it back. It's too much to go into detail about.
On Thursday a very special man past away. My best friend caitlyn's dad. He was such a strong, wonderful, kind hearted person. I felt..and still feel so close to her family. I love them dearly.
I'm just so tired of all the obstacles & hardships this year has brought. Im tired of caring & putting an effort forth..and getting nothing in return. I am gettin tired of writing so I will end with...I hope 2008 is a better year.
This year has been by far the hardest one I have experienced. Ever since my grandpa got into an accident, it seems like everything is going down hill. Danielle's great grandma, who I've known since I was little past away. God rest her soul. I was trying so hard to be strong for my best friend. I couldn't imagine what she was going through.
In the mean time I found out my grandma had cancer. No one really knew how bad it really was since my g.ma likes to downplay her health. I was worried shitless. She ended up having surgery..removing one of her kidneys.
About a couple weeks later I find out my 2ndcousin Michael went missing. I figured he just ran off due to his shitty ass parents(my cousin) he has. We grew up together..he followed me everywhere when we were little..we talked every day. We were best friends. I was suppose to visit him in Texas this summer. Even talked about moving to Sac with me. There was no signs of what was to come.
Two weeks of him being gone, my cousin Jim has his army squad..or whatever..help search for him. They found him within less than a mile from there farm in texas..dead. My world had come to a stop. A week later the whole family flew to texas for a week. While I was there of course I was still in shock, depressed, I did nothing but sob. My cousin Jim, Michaels dad & his wife seemed to be doing fine. Every one of michaels siblings seemed fine. which disturbed me. They also expected me to do the same..which i guess in the end made me seem like a bitch? according to Jim. Anyways after the funeral my cousin wanted us to pitty him & tell him it wasnt his fault. When in fact..he is probably the reason Michael was so ill. He is an abuser. physically & mentally. BUT i did no such thing. He took it as us blaming him.
When we arrived back in cali..Jim had changed Michaels myspace around..took me off his top 8 & deleted my comments. Of course this is gonna piss me off. So I gave him a lil piece of my mind b.c I was sick & tired of everyone going around on their tip toes my whole life with Jim. He then in return told me, my mom & grandma to go to hell & that we were never wanted there. yadda yadda. World War broke out when he said that. Long story short, our family is broken. I know it's not how Michael wouuld have wanted things to end in Texas. And I am sorry for that but at the same time I feel like I was sticking up for Michael as well as telling Jim how everyone felt. Wether it was my place to do so or not..I could give a rats ass. I still think of Michael every day. I just want him back with me. Everytime I look at his pictures or think of the times we've shared...I sob.
Besides that I have been going through alot of drama with friends & boys. For some reason drama love my life but I do not love it back. It's too much to go into detail about.
On Thursday a very special man past away. My best friend caitlyn's dad. He was such a strong, wonderful, kind hearted person. I felt..and still feel so close to her family. I love them dearly.
I'm just so tired of all the obstacles & hardships this year has brought. Im tired of caring & putting an effort forth..and getting nothing in return. I am gettin tired of writing so I will end with...I hope 2008 is a better year.