(no subject)
Today I was in church again, after a long time without any attendance to a divine service. I had woken up a bit too late and so I missed about 30 minutes, but I'm happy I went anyway, so that I could catch the remaining time of the service. It was pretty good, but as usual, I had some trouble with patiently listening and singing devotedly. It's not that it was bad or so, the preaching was good and so were the songs. It was just my general anxiety that I have whenever I follow someone else rather than my own decisions. After all, a divine service is for God, not for us, even when we benefit from attending one also. I often remember a psalm of David in this regard, in which he speaks about how much he loves to see the "beautiful services of the Lord". It seems I could have such love also, but I am disturbed by my broken mind and how even during such beautiful services I have nervosity and can't completely hold back negative thoughts. Anyway, it was good and I am glad to have attended the service. Afterwards I spoke with the pastor and asked him what I should do because of entering the church community, and we talked for some time and he explained to me I should attend a so-called alpha course, a baptism teaching course in which I guess I am prepared for life as a christian. Of course I said yes and he acquainted me with another young man which will pick me up next tuesday to go with him to the course. I believe it will be another good time for me. I trust that even when following the christian duties in nervosity and anxiety, even then I will afterwards be happy to have fulfilled them cuz my conscience will be quiet and will not bother me, and I will have good memories and I will remember the friendliness of the Lord like it was present today at the divine service and the subsequent gathering of christians with coffee, cookies and cake.
It is beautiful what has started in the last days, since I seriously decided myself to join the church. It's like the Lord Jesus takes me serious now also and like trusts me, and so I am given to know the friendliness of the Lord and I am shown how welcome I am to join the church.
It is beautiful what has started in the last days, since I seriously decided myself to join the church. It's like the Lord Jesus takes me serious now also and like trusts me, and so I am given to know the friendliness of the Lord and I am shown how welcome I am to join the church.