(no subject)
Lo'
I slept a lot, I focused much on moving around files on the pc, I drank until drunk, I sobered quickly when Cory was too drunk and needed looking after, and I made out with Michelle.
So ...although I have this niggling rock of hurt in the back of my head and heart, it is being ignored at the moment and I am feeling a little better. ...at least until shit starts up again. I just want it all over.
Thanks for your well wishes guys, it really means a lot. *sigh* I think I'm going to pour myself into organizing files. I've been downloading Sims 2 files this entire time for the event in which I got bored of Sims 3 (and as a kind of afterthought{not the word I want, bad day for my brain}, kind of like passively shopping to have something to do). Funny, every time I open Sims 3 and start to work on building something, I lose motivation and want to play the Sims 2 because of all the things I can build in it and all the things I can use to decorate. It's just too bad that I can't have the basement tool from Sims 3.
Edit: I had such an awful anxiety attack the other day when all this started that I got a Klonopin from my aunt, who gets them for her anxiety but doesn't take them because they make her sleepy(For some Odd reason, my aunt won't break pills in halves to find amounts that will work for her, she just doesn't take them). I bet the fuck they do make her tired. I remember laying my head down at the desk and then picking it up thinking that I will fall asleep if I do that, then started playing with the mouse again. That is the last I remember before Paul came home and poked me at the desk asking if I was asleep. He had assumed I had only been there for a few minutes. I had been there for two hours.
I also downloaded some useless fluff in movie form to watch to make me feel better. Alvin and the Chipmunks the Sqeekquel. All it made me want to do is watch the best Alvin movie ever and that is The Chipmunk Adventure. So I torrented that and its soundtrack. It's probably pretty telling that when I need comforting or escape from the world I resort to finding something childish to play with. When I have money I tend to buy Barbies and legos(although you can never out grow legos) and will watch childrens cartoons that I grew up with. I just, really never wanted to grow up because being grown up is no fun and brings with it so many hardships of both the heart and mind. And I know that mentally I am and have always been several steps behind my friends in development, not in real maturity, or in learning ability, but in that sense where children just outgrow wanting to do some things after a certain age, I usually only did several years after the others(although part of that might be because I didn't give a shit about what my peers thought for many years, sometimes I think my problems now are my psyche making up for that).
I also downloaded several audio books by Tamora Peirce, who writes things for young adults(although at anything other then 10 I would have found her writing to be as much lacking in places as I do now) but she has the kind of stories I like. This one is about a girl who masquerades as a boy to be a knight and to just prove to herself and everyone else and that she is just as good.
I slept a lot, I focused much on moving around files on the pc, I drank until drunk, I sobered quickly when Cory was too drunk and needed looking after, and I made out with Michelle.
So ...although I have this niggling rock of hurt in the back of my head and heart, it is being ignored at the moment and I am feeling a little better. ...at least until shit starts up again. I just want it all over.
Thanks for your well wishes guys, it really means a lot. *sigh* I think I'm going to pour myself into organizing files. I've been downloading Sims 2 files this entire time for the event in which I got bored of Sims 3 (and as a kind of afterthought{not the word I want, bad day for my brain}, kind of like passively shopping to have something to do). Funny, every time I open Sims 3 and start to work on building something, I lose motivation and want to play the Sims 2 because of all the things I can build in it and all the things I can use to decorate. It's just too bad that I can't have the basement tool from Sims 3.
Edit: I had such an awful anxiety attack the other day when all this started that I got a Klonopin from my aunt, who gets them for her anxiety but doesn't take them because they make her sleepy(For some Odd reason, my aunt won't break pills in halves to find amounts that will work for her, she just doesn't take them). I bet the fuck they do make her tired. I remember laying my head down at the desk and then picking it up thinking that I will fall asleep if I do that, then started playing with the mouse again. That is the last I remember before Paul came home and poked me at the desk asking if I was asleep. He had assumed I had only been there for a few minutes. I had been there for two hours.
I also downloaded some useless fluff in movie form to watch to make me feel better. Alvin and the Chipmunks the Sqeekquel. All it made me want to do is watch the best Alvin movie ever and that is The Chipmunk Adventure. So I torrented that and its soundtrack. It's probably pretty telling that when I need comforting or escape from the world I resort to finding something childish to play with. When I have money I tend to buy Barbies and legos(although you can never out grow legos) and will watch childrens cartoons that I grew up with. I just, really never wanted to grow up because being grown up is no fun and brings with it so many hardships of both the heart and mind. And I know that mentally I am and have always been several steps behind my friends in development, not in real maturity, or in learning ability, but in that sense where children just outgrow wanting to do some things after a certain age, I usually only did several years after the others(although part of that might be because I didn't give a shit about what my peers thought for many years, sometimes I think my problems now are my psyche making up for that).
I also downloaded several audio books by Tamora Peirce, who writes things for young adults(although at anything other then 10 I would have found her writing to be as much lacking in places as I do now) but she has the kind of stories I like. This one is about a girl who masquerades as a boy to be a knight and to just prove to herself and everyone else and that she is just as good.