EEDIOT.

[naaroyoshi]

Okay. Is it normal to get in bed, then have your mind come up with some odd, completely out-of-left-field way you might not be single anymore in the near future, then find yourself staying up for what feels like an hour just thinking about all the things that might happen with this person you've never considered before? >_< If there is one thing I really wish I didn't do to myself it would be this...I overanalyze the hell out of my relationships time and time again, and once it starts it's almost impossible to stop. It takes hold of me subconsciously, becomes some kind of manifest destiny I feel I have to accomplish. The ridiculous thing is that's the worst thing I can do to get out of being single. It eggs me on to force things to happen if they're not coming fast enough, and my idea of fast enough seems to be all too fast. Why can't I seem to make myself realize that love is something I'm not *supposed* to see coming, it's supposed to develop and burgeon into something which I will slowly realize is an undeniable truth?

Damn. I guess that's another chance which I've destroyed before it's even come to me, then, unless I can find a way to get around this subconscious, calculative bullcrap. -_-

(crossposted on Xanga and Myspace)