Shoving Needles Beneath my Fingernails
Mom won't let me go to work tonight, I am so pissed off I want to scream and kill people. Why can't she let me make my own decisions about whether or not I go to work?! I HATE missing work, especially two days in a row. And it turns out I had forgotten that Rion won't be there to do cutline, it will be CC, and he isn't as fast at it as Rion yet, so he would have needed my help. Now that new chick Geo's hired is gonna have her mitts on my register. She's gonna think I'm some kind of lousy slacker since I've been absent her first two days of work. Besides, Amanda wants to make her her "young apprentice" for when she leaves Geo's, not me, her own SISTER. I'm sure she's really nice and perfect and beautiful and has huge boobs, so everyone will love her and CC will talk to her more in one evening than he ever has to me since I've worked there. I am so angry, so desperately angry, I can't even take it. I am fuming. Why do I have to get sick? This is stupid. I just want to go to work and be with my people in my place. But no, my place is going to be taken away by some new chick that Amanda clearly already enjoys far more than her own SISTER. This is just dandy. I hate this. I hate new people at Geo's, I hate my own greed and selfishness and self consciousness. Really, I do hate everything about myself and I also hate women and am sorry that I am one. I look like garbage now that every ounce of fat has leaked away from me and I'm stuck here to allow some girl take over my job. I want to crush my eyes like two little grapes. I am trying so hard not to cuss in this (trust me I am verbally as I write this). I know you must think I'm stupid to care so much about a ridiculous after school job, but guess what? I do. You know why? Because Geo's is pretty much all I have in my life right now. My school life is garbage and now that miniterm is over I highly doubt that Laura or Emma are even going to remember who I am, and my home life is just stupid. Other than that I have nothing really. I used to have a couple of friends outside of work and school, but not anymore. NONE. They have all abandoned me because I'm a bad person and I deserve to die. I just want to go to work. I don't want this chick thinking I'm a slacker and I don't want her stealing my job or the progress I've made in my friendships with CC and Rion. I'm so jealous and territorial. It is ugly. But that is how women are, and everyone already knows how I feel about women. I shall sign off now and try to resist disemboweling myself. Cheers.