Because You Need Me
Title: Because You Need Me
Author: mystery
Pairing: kinda!Yongguk/Zelo
Rating: R
Genre: Slight angst, romance-ish
Disclaimer: If I owned them, there’s no way in hell I’d write this half-assed shit about them. I’d film them 24/7.
Warning(s): Implied masturbation
Summary: Zelo isn't sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way, he fell in love with Yongguk.
Author’s Note: First attempt at a B.A.P fic! 8D Don't know nearly enough about them/their personalities yet, but I love them too much to stay away it seems... TT.TT
Anyway, I hope this isn't an epic fail XD
Fanfiction Masterlist
---
Zelo had always admired his hyung. Yongguk was sexy and talented and all that Zelo would like to be as well. He wasn’t sure when it had passed from admiration to attraction, but at one point it had and now Zelo was hopelessly stuck.
He would hang out with Yongguk as much as possible, have him help out with homework and such, but as Yongguk had leader responsibilities their time together was limited. It only made Zelo treasure it all the more. Surely Jongup and Yongjae and Daehyun were all fun to hang out with as well, but nothing beat hanging out with Yongguk. Himchan came close, but it wasn’t the same.
“Hyung!” Zelo shouted as he burst through the door of their dorm, closely followed by a Yongjae who shook his head. “Hyung!”
Yongguk and Himchan soon appeared, neither sure who Zelo had called for. Zelo smiled brightly up at Yongguk and Himchan shook his head and sighed softly as he went to greet Yongjae instead. Yongguk chuckled to himself. He knew Zelo appreciated hanging out with him, but he thought it was only because they knew each other the best. After all, the two of them had done BANG&ZELO before B.A.P.
“What’ve you done with Jongup and Daehyun?” Yongguk asked as he went to help Zelo with his stuff. Zelo shrugged, hurrying so much to take his shoes off that he nearly fell flat on his face.
“They stay later on Wednesdays, you know,” he said as he chucked his shoes in the general direction of the shoe rack.
“Right,” Yongguk muttered. He felt somewhat like he suspected a mother must feel like. Zelo grinned at him from under his bangs, trying to simultaneously blow them away from his face.
“You always forget that,” he said, laughing a little as his jacket followed his shoes. Yongguk sighed but didn’t say anything as he picked it up and hung it properly into place before following Zelo as the younger raced into his room, backpack haphazardly thrown onto one shoulder.
“You’ll help me, right?” Zelo said as he heard the door close. He was already lying on the bed, feet dangling back and forth as he held them in the air.
“Of course,” Yongguk confirmed and sat down next to Zelo. The younger turned his head to grin at him again.
“Great! Math first?” he asked. Yongguk groaned and Zelo giggled.
“You know I hate math,” Yongguk said, teasingly poking Zelo in the ribs and making the boy squirm and giggle even more.
“Yup! That’s why we’ll take it first,” Zelo explained.
An hour or two later, Jongup and Daehyun had returned home, very few math problems were solved and Zelo still hadn’t ran out of any of his energy while Yongguk’s eyes were drooping. Zelo thought it was rather adorable and kept poking Yongguk whenever it happened, just to see his hyung jump in surprise and open his eyes wide in an attempt to stay awake.
“Hyung!” Zelo whined. “You can’t fall asleep now! We still haven’t solved all the problems!”
Yongguk cracked an eye open to glare at Zelo, which only made the blonde boy grin wider. It was a mystery in itself how his cheeks hadn’t cracked yet. Maybe they were unbreakable.
“You know math makes me tired,” Yongguk muttered, closing his eyes again. Zelo decided to let him rest for a while.
His rest was very short-lived as the air was soon filled with the smell of burnt food from the kitchen.
“Yongguk-hyung!” Daehyun shouted. “Himchan-hyung is trying to set the place on fire and food poison us all!”
Zelo laughed as he watched Yongguk sigh and get up from where he was leaning against the side of Zelo’s bed, running into the kitchen to try and save something of their dinner.
Sometimes Zelo felt like he was the youngest in a family of six kids. He liked the thought of that very much; they were a family. But then came the thought of his attraction to Yongguk and how disgusting it would be if they were actually a family… and the illusion was effectively ruined.
Zelo sighed softly through his nose before he followed Yongguk into the kitchen; if nothing else, it was good entertainment.
~~
Himchan had once said he thought of Zelo as their ‘happiness angel’; he was always smiling or laughing and he’d always see everything positively. He was also really innocent, which just added to the ‘angel’ image.
Little did Himchan know that Zelo masturbated near daily to mental images of Yongguk, stifled, breathy hyungs falling from his lips.
Little did Himchan know that Zelo, with a very few exceptions, always cried when he came, biting himself or the pillow to stop the Yongguk-ah! from escaping his mouth.
Himchan didn’t know that Zelo was slowly coming to see his attraction to Yongguk as something bad, instead of seeing it from the bright side like he did with everything else.
Because Choi Junhong was great at pretending. He was great at smiling and laughing and teasing and being innocent, because that was who he was. Without the bright innocence, he wouldn’t be himself. The dark thoughts and the tears, those he kept to himself, reserved for late nights when everyone else was asleep. And he vowed to keep it that way.
Only no one but Yongguk himself managed to make Zelo break that vow one night when he couldn’t sleep and stepped into Zelo’s room, because watching the younger’s sleeping face made him feel at peace.
This time it was different, because Zelo was awake as well. Awake, breathing heavily, residue of his orgasm dripping from his fingers. Yongguk could see how he stiffened when he heard the sound of the door opening.
Quickly deciding that he, as the leader and oldest, couldn’t just step back out and pretend it never happened, Yongguk took a step into the room and gently closed the door behind him.
“Zelo?” he whispered. The younger didn’t relax as he clenched his eyes shut, hoping for Yongguk to just leave. “Junhong?”
Zelo bit his lip until he felt it break and then felt it tentatively with his tongue to make sure he wasn’t bleeding too badly. The coordinoonas would go crazy if he ruined his lips.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Yongguk said softly, despite being a little hesitant to step further into the room because of that; embarrassment.
“I’m not,” Zelo muttered, because strangely he wasn’t. He was just scared. Of what, he didn’t really know. That Yongguk would somehow be able to read his mind and freak out over the dirty thoughts he found there? That Yongguk would yell at him for… being a hormone-raged teenage boy? Zelo sighed softly to himself and forced his body to relax.
“Can you get me a tissue or something?” he asked the other, because the semen on his hand and abdomen was starting to dry up and it really didn’t feel nice.
“O-of course,” Yongguk stuttered and left the room.
He was back a minute later, holding some paper in his hand. He didn’t look at Zelo while the younger wiped himself off and for some reason it made the maknae’s heart beat slower in sadness. He couldn’t even bear to look at him?
He threw the paper in the general direction of the trash can and pulled the blanket up to his chin.
“It’s okay,” he said when Yongguk still wouldn’t turn his head. Zelo closed his eyes as he saw Yongguk slowly turn to look at him.
“Do you want to… talk?” Yongguk said as he hesitantly sat down on the edge of Zelo’s bed, like he wasn’t sure he was allowed. Zelo clenched his eyes shut as tightly as he could to prevent tears from building in them. Yongguk would always be allowed.
“I know it can be scary. I also know it can be embarrassing to talk about it, but you know I just want to help you… Junhong?”
Zelo failed horribly at his mission of not crying as he felt a tear, quickly followed by another and a third after that, slip down his cheeks, hot and wet and pathetic. Choi Junhong was not meant to cry. Especially not in the presence of Bang Yongguk.
“Are you okay?” Yongguk asked, moving to stroke Zelo’s cheek but freezing when he felt the wetness on it. He’d never seen Zelo even remotely sad and now he was crying.
“Are you crying?” he said and that was the last straw for Zelo as he let out a choked sob, turning his back to Yongguk.
The older didn’t let that push him away though. He simple lay down next to Zelo, cradling the younger in his arms through the comforter.
“Sch, don’t cry,” he cooed. “It’ll be okay.”
“No, it won’t,” Zelo wailed silently. “It won’t be okay, I just know it.”
“How can you know? You’re fifteen, Junhong, and I know that things might feel horrible at that age… But everything will be okay, trust me. Now, do you think you can tell me what is wrong?”
“I’m in love with you, that’s what’s wrong!” Zelo suddenly exploded, sitting up and turning around so quickly Yongguk nearly fell off the bed.
Then he realized what he’d said and laid back down, curling into a ball as he cried harder.
“You hate me now, d-don’t you?” he sobbed. “Pl-ease don’t hate me…”
Yongguk stared at the crying boy. Out of all possibilities, he’d never thought… He knew Zelo treasured him, a lot, but he’d thought it was more like an older brother than as a love interest. He didn’t even know Zelo liked guys.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, reaching out to touch Zelo’s hair, but the younger slapped his hand away.
“Leave me alone,” the younger cried and Yongguk sighed as he stood up, heading for the door. What else could he do?
~~
When Zelo got up in the morning, he found that everyone was looking at him strangely. He couldn’t, however, bring himself to fully care as he was dizzy with lack of sleep and his feelings were rather dulled what with all the crying he’d done throughout the night.
“We woke you guys up tonight, didn’t we?” Yongguk asked silently once all six of them were seated. Himchan, Jongup, Yongjae and Daehyun nodded.
“Is… Is there anything you’d like to say, Zelo?” Himchan asked carefully. Zelo shrugged.
“Now you know, I guess,” he said, and all five winced at how hoarse and mechanical his voice was.
~~
Zelo was back to his usual, happy-go-lucky self within two nights and he even managed to ignore the awkwardness between him and Yongguk. He still forced Yongguk to help him with his homework, he still cooked with the leader whenever the kitchen was empty and Yongguk or Zelo was on cooking duty and he’d still just hang out with him whenever they had time.
Yongguk would thing it was awesome, if not for the fact that he could see the lingering sadness in Zelo’s eyes. He cursed himself for not having been able to see it before.
“Zelo, we need to-“
“Hyung! Will you get some ice cream for me, please, please?” Zelo interrupted, pouting and fluttering his eyelashes as Yongguk. He always made sure to interrupt the older when it seemed he was about to get serious.
The last straw was drawn two weeks later, during dinner, when Zelo engaged in a tickle fight with Yongjae and using it as an excuse for not talking to Yongguk at all.
“Choi Junhong!” Yongguk yelled, feeling terrible as Zelo looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, shock among other mixed feelings evident in his eyes.
“Do not ignore me when I’m trying to talk to you.”
Zelo stared, the shock morphing into slight anger and something Yongguk couldn’t quite define. Anxiousness? Regret? Sadness?
“Especially not as we really need to talk. Come on,” Yongguk said, berating himself for even thinking of giving up because of guilt.
Zelo slowly got up from his chair to follow Yongguk as the leader made his way to the maknae’s bedroom. Yongguk gestured for the younger to sit down when he entered and then closed the door, locking it with a click.
“What’s there to talk about?” Zelo huffed. “You know, you apologized, it doesn’t change anything.”
Yongguk sighed and sat down beside Zelo on the bed, putting a hand on his shoulder. Zelo shrugged it off.
“But it does change things, Junhong. It gives me a chance to get used to the idea of having someone like me. It gives me the chance to maybe also like you back. But you must understand, Junhong. You’re fifteen years old. And then it feels like it’s the world, but maybe it just… isn’t.”
Zelo stared at him and Yongguk felt even more terrible as he noticed the tears welling up in his eyes.
“But I love you,” Zelo whispered, the salty substance slowly making its way down his cheeks. “I love you, hyung, I could never love anyone else!”
“You’re fifteen, Junhong,” Yongguk repeated. “You must understand that I might be scared, too. I’m scared that if I do give in and allow myself to like you, I’ll just be hurt because you’re fifteen years old and fifteen-year-olds like to experiment, I know that. I’m scared to be just an experiment, Junnie.”
Zelo clenched his eyes shut. This was not what he wanted to hear. His Yongguk wasn’t scared. His Yongguk was supposed to protect him and provide him with everything he might want or need. He was not supposed to hurt Zelo’s feelings because he was hurt.
“Go away,” Zelo muttered after a few minutes in silence. “Leave me alone.”
Yongguk stared. He reached out to wipe the tears from Zelo’s cheeks. Zelo flinched from his touch, eyes still closed.
“Go away,” the younger repeated. “If you’re just gonna hurt me, then don’t stay.”
He could feel his throat closing up and knew that if Yongguk didn’t leave soon, he’d become a crying, begging mess; pleasing for Yongguk not to go, to never leave him because he couldn’t live without him. So he asked Yongguk to leave.
But then he felt arms around him and he knew it was game over as his body refused to listen to his brain and moved on its own, clinging onto Yongguk, hands fisting the fabric of the elder’s shirt on their own accord.
“No, Junhong,” Yongguk softly spoke, right in Zelo’s ear. “I won’t leave. Do you want to know why?”
“Why?” Zelo whispered, burying his face in Yongguk’s neck and inhaling his scent, wetting the skin with hot, salty tears and damp breath.
“Because you need me,” Yongguk answered and Zelo lost all ability of speaking as he fell to pieces in Yongguk’s arms.