you know what blows?
when you're down in the dumps & you're talking to your boyfriend & your cellphone dies in the middle of it.
yep.
i'm finding more and more about jacob that i just can't stand.
he insists he's the same jacob i've always known.
no, no he's not.
i feel like we've grown so far apart from each other.
we were always so close.
at times, i just want everything to be over with... just let everything go and not speak to him.
but for some reason, i can't.
maybe it's because of all the times i put him through pain like he did me, and he didn't give up on me.
THE NIGHT with lisa and chris... he forgave me for that.
but i don't want him in my life if it's a struggle.
we SHOULD be friends.
we've known each other since 8th grade.
we were lovers for nearly 4 years.
things obviously change, and i'm fine with that.
but why do things have to continue to be so complicated?
i'm EXTREMELY happy with someone right now.
he seems to be mildly happy with someone right now.
why can't we just let things settle?
why do we have to continuously hurt each other?
friends don't do that.
so i continue to let this awkwardness go on.
my dad just finished with surgery.
my mother called to say things went fine & he's in recovery.
i didn't even go to the hospital.
all i said was "good luck" when he left this morning.
am i a horrible person for this?
i mean yeah, he's there for me when i need him financially, but other than that, i don't really have a dad.
i feel bad that he had to have surgery, but i don't feel bad for not going.
my patience with indiana is growing thin.
i want to go back to school so badly...
and i can go at any given time...
i just don't want to go back to usi.
i HATE that school.
it's such a waste.
so many memories that i would like to be forgotten are attached to that school.
i want a fresh start.
i never hang out with my friends anymore.
never.
i can't even remember the last time we all went out.
i've been out a few times with chelsea here and there, but it usually consists of us, at her house, smoking more cigarettes than i should.
it's sad.
i don't think i even really talk to anyone anymore.
my days consist of sleeping, going to work, checking the computer for a few minutes, then going back to sleep.
my only "good" days are when i'm in louisville or jon is here in evansville with me.
i used to be such a fun person.
i used to go out all the time.
i used to always have someone to be with.
i feel like i've lost all of that.
sure, it's probably my fault because i've become so secluded.
but i don't want to accept it.
i want to be JEN again.
yeah, her.
yep.
i'm finding more and more about jacob that i just can't stand.
he insists he's the same jacob i've always known.
no, no he's not.
i feel like we've grown so far apart from each other.
we were always so close.
at times, i just want everything to be over with... just let everything go and not speak to him.
but for some reason, i can't.
maybe it's because of all the times i put him through pain like he did me, and he didn't give up on me.
THE NIGHT with lisa and chris... he forgave me for that.
but i don't want him in my life if it's a struggle.
we SHOULD be friends.
we've known each other since 8th grade.
we were lovers for nearly 4 years.
things obviously change, and i'm fine with that.
but why do things have to continue to be so complicated?
i'm EXTREMELY happy with someone right now.
he seems to be mildly happy with someone right now.
why can't we just let things settle?
why do we have to continuously hurt each other?
friends don't do that.
so i continue to let this awkwardness go on.
my dad just finished with surgery.
my mother called to say things went fine & he's in recovery.
i didn't even go to the hospital.
all i said was "good luck" when he left this morning.
am i a horrible person for this?
i mean yeah, he's there for me when i need him financially, but other than that, i don't really have a dad.
i feel bad that he had to have surgery, but i don't feel bad for not going.
my patience with indiana is growing thin.
i want to go back to school so badly...
and i can go at any given time...
i just don't want to go back to usi.
i HATE that school.
it's such a waste.
so many memories that i would like to be forgotten are attached to that school.
i want a fresh start.
i never hang out with my friends anymore.
never.
i can't even remember the last time we all went out.
i've been out a few times with chelsea here and there, but it usually consists of us, at her house, smoking more cigarettes than i should.
it's sad.
i don't think i even really talk to anyone anymore.
my days consist of sleeping, going to work, checking the computer for a few minutes, then going back to sleep.
my only "good" days are when i'm in louisville or jon is here in evansville with me.
i used to be such a fun person.
i used to go out all the time.
i used to always have someone to be with.
i feel like i've lost all of that.
sure, it's probably my fault because i've become so secluded.
but i don't want to accept it.
i want to be JEN again.
yeah, her.