hello world
I am in NYC now. Crazy being here on the east coast again. I always figured I would end up here again, just had no clue that it would come so soon after school. I like the east coast. I find it exciting, the people nicer, and the weather more..... interesting. Coming out here reminds me of when i first left for the navy some 8 years ago now. Holy shit. Eight years! dammm...... when the hell did all this time pass?
Back to my topic... (still in shock over 8 years having passed)... I came out the east coast with asperations of a naval career. Of serving my country and of escaping all the violence that filled my life in CA. I came out here and grew. Found peace in way. Found a path that I could take myself on to start healing. To start re-building. The distance from family and everything that I had known as home felt good. Was wanted. Was what i needed to survive.
Now, here i am! SUch a different person! I am out here with my partner of 4 years, all educated, making good money, and in a company doubling every year with revenues 50 times greater of my last company. o.O
The job is good. I think i will do well at it. It is a nice mix b/t business and technology. I am learning a great deal and have tons more to learn. It will take me about 3 months to be fully up and running. This will be challenging and I must admit that the fear of failure is there. But hell, what fun would it be if i knew i could do it, right? Well, that is what i keep telling myself.
The people in the company are awesome. I am out. A risk i was a tad concerned about but the trade off was acting like i was shamed of who I was and who i loved (of course it is more complicated than that)... point is, i am out. I know that sets me apart from my co-workers, but i am not willing to start my career in the closet. If i wanted to do that I would be back in the navy.
I am alone of the holidays. i have been trying to distract myself as best as i can, but i am still lonely and sad as hell. For some reason, my past has once again been on my mind a lot. Started a few days ago as the thought of being alone in this new home of mine for the first time came. I realized "damm.. i am gonna be alone for 10 days, oh fuck!!" Immediate anxiety attacks. Bad dreams. The full 9 yards. Icky.
Still having them. Good thing is that I close my eyes and think of the last time I made love to Iz. It was ... great. I will keep the image of it to myself cause.. well.... i kinda like keeping to myself, makes me feel special. My point isn't to talk of sex, but simply to enjoy the fact that one memory of her can make me drift off to sleep without a worry in the world and wake up refreshed and with a smile on my face. How great is that!
I am suck a dork, i am sitting here writting about it with a big old grin on my face. That's love for ya.
Anyways, I am a new yorker now. Lord help me.
Back to my topic... (still in shock over 8 years having passed)... I came out the east coast with asperations of a naval career. Of serving my country and of escaping all the violence that filled my life in CA. I came out here and grew. Found peace in way. Found a path that I could take myself on to start healing. To start re-building. The distance from family and everything that I had known as home felt good. Was wanted. Was what i needed to survive.
Now, here i am! SUch a different person! I am out here with my partner of 4 years, all educated, making good money, and in a company doubling every year with revenues 50 times greater of my last company. o.O
The job is good. I think i will do well at it. It is a nice mix b/t business and technology. I am learning a great deal and have tons more to learn. It will take me about 3 months to be fully up and running. This will be challenging and I must admit that the fear of failure is there. But hell, what fun would it be if i knew i could do it, right? Well, that is what i keep telling myself.
The people in the company are awesome. I am out. A risk i was a tad concerned about but the trade off was acting like i was shamed of who I was and who i loved (of course it is more complicated than that)... point is, i am out. I know that sets me apart from my co-workers, but i am not willing to start my career in the closet. If i wanted to do that I would be back in the navy.
I am alone of the holidays. i have been trying to distract myself as best as i can, but i am still lonely and sad as hell. For some reason, my past has once again been on my mind a lot. Started a few days ago as the thought of being alone in this new home of mine for the first time came. I realized "damm.. i am gonna be alone for 10 days, oh fuck!!" Immediate anxiety attacks. Bad dreams. The full 9 yards. Icky.
Still having them. Good thing is that I close my eyes and think of the last time I made love to Iz. It was ... great. I will keep the image of it to myself cause.. well.... i kinda like keeping to myself, makes me feel special. My point isn't to talk of sex, but simply to enjoy the fact that one memory of her can make me drift off to sleep without a worry in the world and wake up refreshed and with a smile on my face. How great is that!
I am suck a dork, i am sitting here writting about it with a big old grin on my face. That's love for ya.
Anyways, I am a new yorker now. Lord help me.