#321: i kissed dating goodbye
A book by Joshua Harris. The front cover features a man holding a fedora, head turned down.
Kissing dating goodbye is what i should and want to do until i turn 21. Choosing to quit the dating game doesn't mean rejecting friendship with the opposite sex, companionship, romance, or marriage. We still can pursue these things, we just choose to pursue them on God's terms and His time.
Just some excerpts from the book, and I'll inject some other thoughts. I'm not only half way done (Chapter 4) but I think Joshua puts across some pretty meaningful points and I think this book (the 1st one) is better than Say Hello to Courtship (2nd book). Maybe I'll read the 2nd one Yet again... when I'm ready.
On Love
Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us.
While friendships with the opposite sex are great, I (Joshua) have no business asking for a girl's heart and exclusive affections if I'm not ready to consider marriage.
"What about me?" you might be asking. "What about my needs?" This is the awesome part. When we make God's glory and other people's needs our priority, we position ourselves to receive the greatest joy in our lives as well.
Stop worrying about whom I (Joshua) am going to marry and begin trusting God's timing.
[! TRUST God's timing!]
When we own up to the mess we've left behind in our selfish pursuit of short-term romance. What excuse will we have when God asks us to account for our actions and attitudes in relationships? Although God has already forgiven us for the sins we've committed against Him and against the girlfriends/boyfriends we've had.
On Intimacy
Often we're pursuing intimacy for the sake of intimacy - two ppl getting close to each other without any real intention of making a long-term commitment. It's like going mountain climbing with a partner who isn't sure she wants the responsibilty of holding your rope. When you've climbed 2000 feet up a mountain face, you don't want to have a conversation about how she feels "tied down" by your relationship. [I love this analogy!]
All of us want intimacy. It means being close to someone. It's being vulnerable, open and dependent. It's giving to and receiving from another person the deepest parts of who we are - our hopes, our fears, our secrets, our affections.
In His plan, the personal benefits of an intimate relationship - emotional or sexual - are always closely linked to a self-sacrificial love and commitment to another person's long-term good.
I (Joshua) need to wait on romance until I can match my pursuit of intimacy with a pursuit of commitment.
[I think I need to wait on romance too. Sadly, I'm a hopeless romantic and that's going to be something hard to do but I think i'm willing to wait so that my level of intimacy will tie in with my willingness to commit. I don't wanna be intimate until I know I can commit. haha. easy to say Shirin.]
On Dating
One-on-one dating has the tendency to move a guy and girl beyond friendship and toward romance too quickly. Dating encourages romantic expectations. In a true friendship, you don't feel pressured by knowing that you "like' the other person or that he/she "likes" you back. You feel free to be yourself and do the things together without spending 3 hours in front of the mirror making sure you look perfect.
The premise of dating is "I'm attracted to you, therefore, let's get to know each other." The premise of friendship, on the other hand, is "We're interested in the same things, let's enjoy thiese common interest together."
2 people who date each other want to feel that they're special to each other, and they can concretely express this through phyiscal intimacy. They begin to distinguish their special relationship through hand-holding, kissing, and everything else that follows.
Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention?
The exclusive attention so often expected in dating relationships has a tendancy to isolate them from the friends who love them most, family members who know them best, and sadly, even God, whose will is far more important than any romantic interest.
On Counterculture Romance
If you're not ready to consider marriage or you're not truly interested in marrying a specific person, its selfish and potentially very harmful to encourage that person to need you or ask him or her to gratify you emotionally or physically.
By staking a claim on each other, they've stifled their individual growth and needlessly consumed energy that they should have directed into service and preparation for the future.
Many of us walk through life plagued by the question "Has God given me His best?" But the question that we must first asnwer is "Am I giving God my best?"
More later. :) [When I've read more]
But onto other stuff. Sigh. Mummy, I wish I could tell you so much more than I do now. :S But its SO hard to get anything across. :(