To jump into the lava, or not to jump...That is the question.
These past few weeks have been amazingly confusing and just wierd.But not at the same time.
It has FINALLY gotten normal again and I feel that we are both at a mutual level of comfort with each other which is great for me. Its been nice, just being on this mutual level.
However, as it gets more normal, the more I find myself attracted to him, to the point of that I am dreaming of him in vivid dreams. No, nothing sexual or anything, but like one of those moments liek in the movies that we are just fooling around having fun, and theres this moment you know? It was so vivid that I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my breath held in anticipation, the butterflies in my stomach. I could see me in it, but I could feel what I was feeling in it. It's to a point where I am picturing myself in a relationship with this person, and I can see it clear as day. It's really quite sad, and it could very well be the fact that it's almost Valentine's Day talking, but it's my mind and my heart telling me this.
So I went and talked to a couple of my close friends and they told me to jump into the lava pit and just get it over with. First I was like "What?", and they went on about some movie with Tom Hanks and Lava and shit, about how they jumped in and into a gas bubble and they were safe and shit, but then I wa sliek "whatever" However hey are pressuring me into confrounting him and telling him about what and how I feel. I had a spine, but then when I grew it he was gone so I was too late, now they are telling me to grow one and jump into the lava.
I AM NOT READY!
It has just gotten normal again and I want to get soometing out of ot before I start risking my emotions and freindship yet again to satisfy people. I am not ready yet and yes I know that I have a fear of confrontaion and rejection, but I nee dto find that inner person so I can do it. So until then, I just need to let it ride and let whatever happens, happens.
Any opinions? Advice? Anything?