The Soul Train Vs. The Cynic Entertained by Crank Calls, specifically the "Big Dancin Rat!"
A man was sitting across from Bunny and I, on the train. He wore ripped jeans and a tshirt with a brown suit jacket, he had a mustache, a groovy haircut and one of those hats that only golfers and old men drivers wear.
"Would you believe me, it I told you, that I could show you a colour you've never seen before?" (He says to the couple across from us.) "Most people, they wouldn't believe me. I mean there's red and yellow and blue and green and white.. and all the combinations between, but.. Most people wouldn't believe it but I've seen a different colour. I was seventeen, and I was biking in the woods, by my house.. when I got to this field that had been cleared, and I saw.. this orbital shaped like a football. And there was this intense light, coming from it, and it was the most beautiful colour I've ever seen.. You know? It was so beautiful, I said to myself, "I have to remember this moment, and tell everyone, though no one's going to believe me, I have to tell.." You know, there are moments in life, where things happen that can't be explained, and they seem like a miracle in their own proportion, but it's hard to convince other people of their validity.. If we could all just trust each other, a little more, we could have this faith and hold each other together, you know?"
".. When I was a young man, about twenty two, I was living on the streets, just STARVING. I had no food, I had no shelter, you know I was just so hungry. There is this one day, that I remember well, see, I was sitting on the steps of this church, see, and I hadn't had anything to eat in DAYS, when this old woman came walking up to me. She was walking so slow, taking these tiny tiny steps, it took her like three minutes to walk a couple feet, you see. (At this point, he demonstrated on the dirty train floor, the tiny steps the woman took.) It was just like this.. She comes up to me and she asked me, 'Do you like baked chicken?' And I looked at her, and I answered, 'Mam, at this point, I LOVE baked chicken.' And out of no where, she pulled out this steaming hot plate of baked chicken and potatoes. She passed it to me, it was so hot and it smelled delicious. The chicken was so moist it didn't even NEED gravy. 'Do not forget Jesus.' She said. 'Yeah, sure,' I said, 'I won't.'
So I looked down to take a bite of the chicken when I realized I never thanked her, so I got up, and I looked down the street.. She wasn't there. I looked the other way, she wasn't there. It was this long street, you know, and it was empty, So I started running, I ran both ways one first, then the other, and around all the corners, all night, I was looking for that woman. She moved so slow, that she couldn't have gotten very far, you know? But she was gone."
"..I think she was an angel, you know, I was starving, and she was this old thing, she brought me the food that saved me.. Since then, you know, I never was a religious man, but I've never questioned there is a God, since then. Now there are people who say "I don't believe in God," or "I'm not sure if there is a God" and that's okay. But the people who say "There Is No God," now those are the bullshit people. Those people might as well be dead, 'cause they ain't smart enough to carry some faith.."
At this point, the train arrived at Downtown Crossing, and Tina and I got off. We just sorta looked at each other and laughed it off, but I think we were both a little nervous.
We could laugh about it now, and I can write about it, we can talk about the guy, he was definitely a little out of it, but his story, at the time, though predicatable, was almost believable. I was pretty close to believing him, you see he had this very convincing way of talking, as if he'd known you for a long time. And you could trust him.
It's funny, I see preachers on TV, I hear service on the FM radio, I have an enormous collection of religious pamphlets.. I have friends who are very religious, I've been to church, sunday school, youth group, Christian concerts, and I've read parts of the Bible. But hearing that 70s reject talk about his dumb plate of chicken was the absolute closest I've ever gotten to believing in all this crap.
Of course, like all things Christian, it faded, and I've returned to the cynical motherfucker I've always been. I just thought you'd like that story.
Anyway, today was a fairly okay day. I flashed Tyrone during Trig, and no one else saw.. I skipped the last part of the day and came home to Rich.. we ate lunch with my mum in the kitchen on the floor, and watched my kitten roll around on the floor. She's an attention sponge cat (ASC, a very skanky type of cat). My mum left to pick up Laurie, and then Rich and I went upstairs and listened to The Cure, and we fell asleep.. I woke up and went to Tina's. We spent like three hours making crank calls. It was ridiculously immature, but Oh So Much Fun.. And the sort of thing I felt like I needed.
List of Crank Calls:
Me - Pet grooming place, I asked if they could give my kimono dragon a facial cause its skin had a disease. The woman who answered got SOOOO pissed at me.
America Glass, I asked them to repair my glasses. (Tina's idea) The woman calmy told me that they focused on Auto glass, and I pretended to be embarassed..
Candy store, "My son is having a Willy Wonka themed birthday party, do you have ever-lasting gob stoppers?" "No."
Tina- Papa Ginos (papa heeno's) (my idea) "Hallo! My son have birthday pawty theah, how much to have 24 keds? We also want big dancing rat and tokens!" The man who answered was like "What? What big dancing rat?" "The one that come up to chilledren and say big HALLO!" "What are you talking about? Who IS this?" "Theresa Rice.. Is this Chuck E Cheese?" "No, this is Papa Ginos.." "I thought 'Ohhhhh Chuck E Cheese and Papa Heenos, same thing!" "No they're not." "Ohhh HOKAY, THANK YOU!"
Some sort of Gazebo company.. (Also, my idea) This one was sorta boring. She used the same accent and the only funny part was that the man totally thought he was going to sell Tina a "Guh-ZAY-bow" Except she wanted the thing in her living room, and Jonathon, if that's his real name, seemed a little perplexed as to why she'd want it in her house, but he was still eager to help her in anyway. "I have big living room!" Tina said. Draw your own conclusions.
"Would you believe me, it I told you, that I could show you a colour you've never seen before?" (He says to the couple across from us.) "Most people, they wouldn't believe me. I mean there's red and yellow and blue and green and white.. and all the combinations between, but.. Most people wouldn't believe it but I've seen a different colour. I was seventeen, and I was biking in the woods, by my house.. when I got to this field that had been cleared, and I saw.. this orbital shaped like a football. And there was this intense light, coming from it, and it was the most beautiful colour I've ever seen.. You know? It was so beautiful, I said to myself, "I have to remember this moment, and tell everyone, though no one's going to believe me, I have to tell.." You know, there are moments in life, where things happen that can't be explained, and they seem like a miracle in their own proportion, but it's hard to convince other people of their validity.. If we could all just trust each other, a little more, we could have this faith and hold each other together, you know?"
".. When I was a young man, about twenty two, I was living on the streets, just STARVING. I had no food, I had no shelter, you know I was just so hungry. There is this one day, that I remember well, see, I was sitting on the steps of this church, see, and I hadn't had anything to eat in DAYS, when this old woman came walking up to me. She was walking so slow, taking these tiny tiny steps, it took her like three minutes to walk a couple feet, you see. (At this point, he demonstrated on the dirty train floor, the tiny steps the woman took.) It was just like this.. She comes up to me and she asked me, 'Do you like baked chicken?' And I looked at her, and I answered, 'Mam, at this point, I LOVE baked chicken.' And out of no where, she pulled out this steaming hot plate of baked chicken and potatoes. She passed it to me, it was so hot and it smelled delicious. The chicken was so moist it didn't even NEED gravy. 'Do not forget Jesus.' She said. 'Yeah, sure,' I said, 'I won't.'
So I looked down to take a bite of the chicken when I realized I never thanked her, so I got up, and I looked down the street.. She wasn't there. I looked the other way, she wasn't there. It was this long street, you know, and it was empty, So I started running, I ran both ways one first, then the other, and around all the corners, all night, I was looking for that woman. She moved so slow, that she couldn't have gotten very far, you know? But she was gone."
"..I think she was an angel, you know, I was starving, and she was this old thing, she brought me the food that saved me.. Since then, you know, I never was a religious man, but I've never questioned there is a God, since then. Now there are people who say "I don't believe in God," or "I'm not sure if there is a God" and that's okay. But the people who say "There Is No God," now those are the bullshit people. Those people might as well be dead, 'cause they ain't smart enough to carry some faith.."
At this point, the train arrived at Downtown Crossing, and Tina and I got off. We just sorta looked at each other and laughed it off, but I think we were both a little nervous.
We could laugh about it now, and I can write about it, we can talk about the guy, he was definitely a little out of it, but his story, at the time, though predicatable, was almost believable. I was pretty close to believing him, you see he had this very convincing way of talking, as if he'd known you for a long time. And you could trust him.
It's funny, I see preachers on TV, I hear service on the FM radio, I have an enormous collection of religious pamphlets.. I have friends who are very religious, I've been to church, sunday school, youth group, Christian concerts, and I've read parts of the Bible. But hearing that 70s reject talk about his dumb plate of chicken was the absolute closest I've ever gotten to believing in all this crap.
Of course, like all things Christian, it faded, and I've returned to the cynical motherfucker I've always been. I just thought you'd like that story.
Anyway, today was a fairly okay day. I flashed Tyrone during Trig, and no one else saw.. I skipped the last part of the day and came home to Rich.. we ate lunch with my mum in the kitchen on the floor, and watched my kitten roll around on the floor. She's an attention sponge cat (ASC, a very skanky type of cat). My mum left to pick up Laurie, and then Rich and I went upstairs and listened to The Cure, and we fell asleep.. I woke up and went to Tina's. We spent like three hours making crank calls. It was ridiculously immature, but Oh So Much Fun.. And the sort of thing I felt like I needed.
List of Crank Calls:
Me - Pet grooming place, I asked if they could give my kimono dragon a facial cause its skin had a disease. The woman who answered got SOOOO pissed at me.
America Glass, I asked them to repair my glasses. (Tina's idea) The woman calmy told me that they focused on Auto glass, and I pretended to be embarassed..
Candy store, "My son is having a Willy Wonka themed birthday party, do you have ever-lasting gob stoppers?" "No."
Tina- Papa Ginos (papa heeno's) (my idea) "Hallo! My son have birthday pawty theah, how much to have 24 keds? We also want big dancing rat and tokens!" The man who answered was like "What? What big dancing rat?" "The one that come up to chilledren and say big HALLO!" "What are you talking about? Who IS this?" "Theresa Rice.. Is this Chuck E Cheese?" "No, this is Papa Ginos.." "I thought 'Ohhhhh Chuck E Cheese and Papa Heenos, same thing!" "No they're not." "Ohhh HOKAY, THANK YOU!"
Some sort of Gazebo company.. (Also, my idea) This one was sorta boring. She used the same accent and the only funny part was that the man totally thought he was going to sell Tina a "Guh-ZAY-bow" Except she wanted the thing in her living room, and Jonathon, if that's his real name, seemed a little perplexed as to why she'd want it in her house, but he was still eager to help her in anyway. "I have big living room!" Tina said. Draw your own conclusions.