Speaking words of wisdom: let it be
I feel very tired. This is probably because I slept three hours last night. But more on that later.
Friday was ok. I got to spend some time with my dad, but mostly he did yard work while I cleaned the house. We did get Subway for lunch though, which was nice. After he and I power washed the deck and picnic table, I vacuumed the house and did that whole "Swiffer" thing. I may have been dancing to my ipod too, but you weren't there so you can't prove it! After that, I emailed my professor about my honors paper and did some more writing of my own. I finally finished the scene where Joey dies, which was really hard to write. I've been putting it off for a while because of everything that's happened, and it was really difficult to put onto the page all of the things that I've been feeling lately. There's just such a dichotomy of joy and sorrow that it's really hard to process. But, I did it. Only a little more and then part one of my book will be done! The rest of the evening passed peacefully, but then the night was bad. The druggies across the street were out shouting and doing whatever it is that lowlifes do until THREE A.M. Which, of course, means that I only got three hours of sleep because I had to get up early for work today. I was not happy. We called the cops, but it's not like they actually did anything proactive. I am contemplating some sort of revenge that involves mowing my lawn to the sounds of some scream-o band at five in the morning when at last the crud across the street is trying to sleep. Seriously, I don't appreciate thugs living across the way. I used to live on a nice, peaceful street. Now I'm afraid to even walk down to my aunt's house because I may be robbed blind while I am gone. Not even kidding. They stole the neighbor's generator last week.
Today was tiring. I had to work 9-5:30, and I was dragging my feet big time, with the whole lack of sleep thing. We weren't terribly busy today, so I hoped they would send me home early, but no such luck. So, I missed my grandfather's mass at church. I did go to my grandmother's afterward though, because she made food for everyone. She also ordered some pizza, because she had made all codfish and fava dishes, which are like, the only two Portuguese foods I will not touch. Just no, sorry. It was really good to sit and be around everyone. I mean, I don't particularly LIKE everyone, but some of the ones I do love were there and it was nice to see them. It was the kind of evening Pai would have really, really enjoyed. Good food, (some) good company, and a nice, quiet, fun conversation. Also, wine. Good wine. It was fairly close to perfect. It also made me miss him so very much more than I usually do. The house feels incredibly empty without him there. I don't see his hat on the coat rack, or his walking stick, and the tv isn't blaring Portuguese music in the background anymore. It's wrong; all wrong. Most of the time, I feel just fine. But there's also this constant ache where he used to be. I can honestly feel it in my chest. I just keep trying to tell myself that I at least got to know him and love him, which is more than some people get from their grandparents, if they even have them. It's just lonely without him is all.
Friday was ok. I got to spend some time with my dad, but mostly he did yard work while I cleaned the house. We did get Subway for lunch though, which was nice. After he and I power washed the deck and picnic table, I vacuumed the house and did that whole "Swiffer" thing. I may have been dancing to my ipod too, but you weren't there so you can't prove it! After that, I emailed my professor about my honors paper and did some more writing of my own. I finally finished the scene where Joey dies, which was really hard to write. I've been putting it off for a while because of everything that's happened, and it was really difficult to put onto the page all of the things that I've been feeling lately. There's just such a dichotomy of joy and sorrow that it's really hard to process. But, I did it. Only a little more and then part one of my book will be done! The rest of the evening passed peacefully, but then the night was bad. The druggies across the street were out shouting and doing whatever it is that lowlifes do until THREE A.M. Which, of course, means that I only got three hours of sleep because I had to get up early for work today. I was not happy. We called the cops, but it's not like they actually did anything proactive. I am contemplating some sort of revenge that involves mowing my lawn to the sounds of some scream-o band at five in the morning when at last the crud across the street is trying to sleep. Seriously, I don't appreciate thugs living across the way. I used to live on a nice, peaceful street. Now I'm afraid to even walk down to my aunt's house because I may be robbed blind while I am gone. Not even kidding. They stole the neighbor's generator last week.
Today was tiring. I had to work 9-5:30, and I was dragging my feet big time, with the whole lack of sleep thing. We weren't terribly busy today, so I hoped they would send me home early, but no such luck. So, I missed my grandfather's mass at church. I did go to my grandmother's afterward though, because she made food for everyone. She also ordered some pizza, because she had made all codfish and fava dishes, which are like, the only two Portuguese foods I will not touch. Just no, sorry. It was really good to sit and be around everyone. I mean, I don't particularly LIKE everyone, but some of the ones I do love were there and it was nice to see them. It was the kind of evening Pai would have really, really enjoyed. Good food, (some) good company, and a nice, quiet, fun conversation. Also, wine. Good wine. It was fairly close to perfect. It also made me miss him so very much more than I usually do. The house feels incredibly empty without him there. I don't see his hat on the coat rack, or his walking stick, and the tv isn't blaring Portuguese music in the background anymore. It's wrong; all wrong. Most of the time, I feel just fine. But there's also this constant ache where he used to be. I can honestly feel it in my chest. I just keep trying to tell myself that I at least got to know him and love him, which is more than some people get from their grandparents, if they even have them. It's just lonely without him is all.