...in the end we're all just taller children..
So I have been depressed lately. I may not understand where all my anxiety is coming from but I realized today it's because I need some change in my life. I get in this mood where I am not happy with school or work or anything. I feel as though my life is at a stop and I am not growing as a person the way I want too. So this is what I need to do, change. I need a new job. Lets face it I have been stuck assisting for over 2 years and I have had my license way longer. As much as starting out as a stylist sucks I need to do it. I need to pay my time sitting on my ass making no money. Now is the perfect time since I have no bills and still live at home. Plus everyone I graduated with is doing it and I want to do that. I'm over being everyones bitch and over shady divas at my work. I also need to start school. As much as I hate it and dont want to go back, I need too. Just so I get out of my house. Just so I feel like I have purpose. Just because I can say I did something even if I never use my degree. I go to school and work because that's what my friends do, and if I dont then I get bored waiting for them. I can't wait for anyone anymore.. I have to take care of me and do what is right for me.
I feel super independent lately. Today I worked out alone and got gas ALONE. Lets face it those are two things I would NEVER do a few months ago. I dont do things alone. I hate it. h8h8h8h8 But I liked it today. I like how I go to the gym at least 3 times a week and put my head phones in and take care of me. I can actually tell the differnce too because I do cardio for 45 minutes now and when I started with Brando we could hardly do 15 minutes without being over it. I'm proud that I pump my own gas because even though I am a princess it just shows that I am growing up and becoming more independent in a good way.
GeriSpice yells 24/7. I called to ask her about skewl and she started screaming to the point it woke Betsy up from her nap. And my phone wasn't even on speaker or set loud. She doesn't feel good so woe is her and everything sucks. She bitches and complains aloud to herself but I am stuck having to listen to her bitch and moan. I cant wait to move out. I dont know when, especially if I become a stylist, but moving is def. a change that needs to happen during 2010. Can you believe 2010 is almost here?! OMG.
I had so much fun this past weekend. Betsy and I hit up the Halloween parties and were a big splash with all the older guys. ha I know it sounds dumb but it always makes you feel good to get attention like that. Good thing our Barista Babe costumes were slooty enough! We also went to State on Sunday and had fun with Brandon! I was scared to meet the new biffbomb but he seemed fun and we all had fun. Michael is a retard and broke all of Brandons room. haha My favorite part about all of it was we just baked cookies, ate mac n cheese, and played Mad Libs. It was like summer or when we'd just all hang out. We had no worries. I like how we use the company of each other to have fun. No TV or video games needed.. we just used our imaginations! CANNED FUPAS AND STD SOUP FOR EVERYONE! I also like this weekend because I had a road trip! I love long drives alone. Sometimes its annoying and stressful, but other times its just beautiful and peaceful. Plus Brandon burned me new music so it was def. worth it. I had fun doing nothing but watching GG's and napping at CMU. I just want us all to be together again. IS IT THANKSGIVING YET?!
So I told this guy I met at Jen and Shanas Halloween party we could get dinner sometime. And my co-worker Sarah is trying to hook me up with Clayton her friends friend I met at her Halloween party. They both seem like supie nice and cute guys. I just dont know. There's nothing saying I can't do what I want and see other people. But in the back of my mind I just think they arent Steve. I think how I will have to explain everything to them and they wont understand. I hate new people because I feel like I have to lie to sound cool for them to like me. With Steve I dont have to try. I dont have to try and be cool or impress him. He knows I am half retarted and lazy and that most nights I am at home sleeping in my bed with fat Timmy. He's the first guy I could be 100% Jenn around and he still liked me. I know we shouldnt and cant be together... but I always wish we could even after knowing things about him.
Oooh just gotta wash mah face before bed now because I work in the moring. Positive thoughts positive thoughts positive thoughts!
I feel super independent lately. Today I worked out alone and got gas ALONE. Lets face it those are two things I would NEVER do a few months ago. I dont do things alone. I hate it. h8h8h8h8 But I liked it today. I like how I go to the gym at least 3 times a week and put my head phones in and take care of me. I can actually tell the differnce too because I do cardio for 45 minutes now and when I started with Brando we could hardly do 15 minutes without being over it. I'm proud that I pump my own gas because even though I am a princess it just shows that I am growing up and becoming more independent in a good way.
GeriSpice yells 24/7. I called to ask her about skewl and she started screaming to the point it woke Betsy up from her nap. And my phone wasn't even on speaker or set loud. She doesn't feel good so woe is her and everything sucks. She bitches and complains aloud to herself but I am stuck having to listen to her bitch and moan. I cant wait to move out. I dont know when, especially if I become a stylist, but moving is def. a change that needs to happen during 2010. Can you believe 2010 is almost here?! OMG.
I had so much fun this past weekend. Betsy and I hit up the Halloween parties and were a big splash with all the older guys. ha I know it sounds dumb but it always makes you feel good to get attention like that. Good thing our Barista Babe costumes were slooty enough! We also went to State on Sunday and had fun with Brandon! I was scared to meet the new biffbomb but he seemed fun and we all had fun. Michael is a retard and broke all of Brandons room. haha My favorite part about all of it was we just baked cookies, ate mac n cheese, and played Mad Libs. It was like summer or when we'd just all hang out. We had no worries. I like how we use the company of each other to have fun. No TV or video games needed.. we just used our imaginations! CANNED FUPAS AND STD SOUP FOR EVERYONE! I also like this weekend because I had a road trip! I love long drives alone. Sometimes its annoying and stressful, but other times its just beautiful and peaceful. Plus Brandon burned me new music so it was def. worth it. I had fun doing nothing but watching GG's and napping at CMU. I just want us all to be together again. IS IT THANKSGIVING YET?!
So I told this guy I met at Jen and Shanas Halloween party we could get dinner sometime. And my co-worker Sarah is trying to hook me up with Clayton her friends friend I met at her Halloween party. They both seem like supie nice and cute guys. I just dont know. There's nothing saying I can't do what I want and see other people. But in the back of my mind I just think they arent Steve. I think how I will have to explain everything to them and they wont understand. I hate new people because I feel like I have to lie to sound cool for them to like me. With Steve I dont have to try. I dont have to try and be cool or impress him. He knows I am half retarted and lazy and that most nights I am at home sleeping in my bed with fat Timmy. He's the first guy I could be 100% Jenn around and he still liked me. I know we shouldnt and cant be together... but I always wish we could even after knowing things about him.
Oooh just gotta wash mah face before bed now because I work in the moring. Positive thoughts positive thoughts positive thoughts!