Yesterday's news...
These are a series of stories which began with the words, “Hello, Steve. Pleased to meet you. I AM SARBOX THE DESTROYER, SCOURGE OF THE ACTUARIAL BARBARIANS AND THE OMEN OF THE COMING DARKNESS OF THAT WHICH SHALL KNOW NO NAME!” Each of the stories of Sarbox the Destroyer is lifted from real-world news events, and twisted…with a very, very liberal mutation of the people, places and events from that news story. I also try to keep them under 300 words, in light of my well-known tendency to ramble on, ad nauseam.
So, please, play along and see if you can spot the nuggets of truth, thus earning you cool points and my everlasting respect. Or just enjoy watching my bizarre creation lay waste to stuff, and cheer him on.
9.
It was long ago, during the Fourth Ingenuity of the Manicheist supplicants, when the ladder was first attempted. It stood in the Unchallenged Fields of Elys, a placid land of grassy plains and crumbling ruins that was all that remained of the once Golden City of Elys. All alone, it stood since before the memories of any living man’s grandfather, and in all that time, nobody had ever climbed it, for it was guarded over by the dark forces said to live at the top. It was from the Cursed Kingdom of the Jade Scorpion that they came-Soyuzi Sky Runners. And with them, a bodyguard troupe of the Cannibal Magyars of Under-Siberia! But when they pulled up their great wagons and leapt from the backs of their slor, they found the Burning Ladder of Layn was guarded by Sarbox the Destroyer! Many Magyars fought him bravely and died screaming their last, but one of the Sky Runners broke from the pitched fight and began the arduous climb up the Burning Ladder. Sarbox made note of this, but stayed behind to bring meaty slaughter to the Cannibal Magyars, for the exalted joy of bathing in their entrails. Higher and higher, she climbed to escape, always with Sarbox chasing her up the Burning Ladder, for Sarbox the Destroyer would fear no fire forged by man. Higher up the ladder into the edge of the heavens, where the air was thick and became aether, until she could see the moon, just up ahead, against which the ladder had been propped. For days she had climbed the Burning Ladder of Layn, and reaching the moon, she felt exhaustion wash over her. Luckily, she found Nyarlathotep, sitting calmly on the moon, who offered her a mat to sleep on and tea to drink. In the morning, Nyarlathotep bade her to turn back, for ahead lay only danger. But she did not heed and climbed further up the ladder, into the Gibbering Void of the Dancing God of the Dead Cosmos, That Which Must Know No Name. And many rungs later, she reached its Howling Dominion of Aether and stared into the face of madness. And when her mind was done, Sarbox the Destroyer climbed up the ladder behind her, grabbed her by the foot and hurled her back down to the unforgiving stone far below-mostly out of spite.
So, please, play along and see if you can spot the nuggets of truth, thus earning you cool points and my everlasting respect. Or just enjoy watching my bizarre creation lay waste to stuff, and cheer him on.
9.
It was long ago, during the Fourth Ingenuity of the Manicheist supplicants, when the ladder was first attempted. It stood in the Unchallenged Fields of Elys, a placid land of grassy plains and crumbling ruins that was all that remained of the once Golden City of Elys. All alone, it stood since before the memories of any living man’s grandfather, and in all that time, nobody had ever climbed it, for it was guarded over by the dark forces said to live at the top. It was from the Cursed Kingdom of the Jade Scorpion that they came-Soyuzi Sky Runners. And with them, a bodyguard troupe of the Cannibal Magyars of Under-Siberia! But when they pulled up their great wagons and leapt from the backs of their slor, they found the Burning Ladder of Layn was guarded by Sarbox the Destroyer! Many Magyars fought him bravely and died screaming their last, but one of the Sky Runners broke from the pitched fight and began the arduous climb up the Burning Ladder. Sarbox made note of this, but stayed behind to bring meaty slaughter to the Cannibal Magyars, for the exalted joy of bathing in their entrails. Higher and higher, she climbed to escape, always with Sarbox chasing her up the Burning Ladder, for Sarbox the Destroyer would fear no fire forged by man. Higher up the ladder into the edge of the heavens, where the air was thick and became aether, until she could see the moon, just up ahead, against which the ladder had been propped. For days she had climbed the Burning Ladder of Layn, and reaching the moon, she felt exhaustion wash over her. Luckily, she found Nyarlathotep, sitting calmly on the moon, who offered her a mat to sleep on and tea to drink. In the morning, Nyarlathotep bade her to turn back, for ahead lay only danger. But she did not heed and climbed further up the ladder, into the Gibbering Void of the Dancing God of the Dead Cosmos, That Which Must Know No Name. And many rungs later, she reached its Howling Dominion of Aether and stared into the face of madness. And when her mind was done, Sarbox the Destroyer climbed up the ladder behind her, grabbed her by the foot and hurled her back down to the unforgiving stone far below-mostly out of spite.