Yesterday's News
These are a series of stories which began with the words, “Hello, Steve. Pleased to meet you. I AM SARBOX THE DESTROYER, SCOURGE OF THE ACTUARIAL BARBARIANS AND THE OMEN OF THE COMING DARKNESS OF THAT WHICH SHALL KNOW NO NAME!” Each of the stories of Sarbox the Destroyer is lifted from real-world news events, and twisted…with a very, very liberal mutation of the people, places and events from that news story. I also try to keep them under 300 words, in light of my well-known tendency to ramble on, ad nauseam.
So, please, play along and see if you can spot the nuggets of truth, thus earning you cool points and my everlasting respect. Or just enjoy watching my bizarre creation lay waste to stuff, and cheer him on.
8.
In the Time of Dying Kings, during the Second Reunification of the Karrakaul, Gazza, the Wildking of First Avalon and Battlegod of the woad-painted Hooligan Wartribes was deposed. Deep in the shadows of his Brooding Tent, he listened to the dire whispers of his Storm Viziers, and sent forth the call across the lands for warriors, that he might reclaim his Oaken Wildthrone-the call which I, Sarbox the Destroyer, alone answered! Though the might of the deposing Sectioners was strong, the might of Gazza and Sarbox, fighting side by side was insurmountable! As one, we swung our makahuitils and jabbed with our spears and went reaping through the White Enforcers and the Intern Net-slingers, until together we stood before the Wildthrone, face to face with King David of Bekpig! Suddenly, the Storm Viziers flew up from their shadows and revealed themselves to be the Black Parrots of Ur! All this glory and all this chaos had been sown on the poisonous advice of the Black Parrots, and all the fallen battlefield souls were Ur’s to claim! It was then that Wildking Gazza gave up hope and let himself be dragged away by the Whitecoats of the Sectioners, but I, Sarbox, was not done. I stared down King David and turned the smoldering deadlights of my mighty TORG upon him, that he may know what he has dodged this day. Though kings may be powerful, they all someday will fall and be replaced. And when that day comes, they know that SARBOX THE DESTROYER will be there!
So, please, play along and see if you can spot the nuggets of truth, thus earning you cool points and my everlasting respect. Or just enjoy watching my bizarre creation lay waste to stuff, and cheer him on.
8.
In the Time of Dying Kings, during the Second Reunification of the Karrakaul, Gazza, the Wildking of First Avalon and Battlegod of the woad-painted Hooligan Wartribes was deposed. Deep in the shadows of his Brooding Tent, he listened to the dire whispers of his Storm Viziers, and sent forth the call across the lands for warriors, that he might reclaim his Oaken Wildthrone-the call which I, Sarbox the Destroyer, alone answered! Though the might of the deposing Sectioners was strong, the might of Gazza and Sarbox, fighting side by side was insurmountable! As one, we swung our makahuitils and jabbed with our spears and went reaping through the White Enforcers and the Intern Net-slingers, until together we stood before the Wildthrone, face to face with King David of Bekpig! Suddenly, the Storm Viziers flew up from their shadows and revealed themselves to be the Black Parrots of Ur! All this glory and all this chaos had been sown on the poisonous advice of the Black Parrots, and all the fallen battlefield souls were Ur’s to claim! It was then that Wildking Gazza gave up hope and let himself be dragged away by the Whitecoats of the Sectioners, but I, Sarbox, was not done. I stared down King David and turned the smoldering deadlights of my mighty TORG upon him, that he may know what he has dodged this day. Though kings may be powerful, they all someday will fall and be replaced. And when that day comes, they know that SARBOX THE DESTROYER will be there!