philosophized too hard and hurt myself....
i feel it is time to update.
whoa intense times.
cherry picking over, will i ever do it again?!
tom and i kinda broke up for a bit but never really
and now i guess we are together but i'm not really going to think about.
i can't right now. it feels good right now. that's all i can say. who knows, who knows.
i tried to explain it to a friend and realized i couldn't and realized how much pressure social explaniations and expectations and assumptions place on a relationship when really they are totally complex and not so black and white. don't ask me about it.
i thought i wanted to be single. and i kind of do. but i oh so damn badly wanna love somebody and be loved too.
i've become increasingly obsessed about my acne, or obsessed about trying to heal it, or cure it, trying new modes that i previously deemed too conventional or something.
ugg. the thing is, it doesn't matter when you become totally fed up with something, that doesn't mean it's going to go away, you still have to endure it, so there's no difference.
i wish my mother (or anybody!!) would have made more of an effort to educate me and help me out about this whole thing earlier, like maybe ten years ago when i hit puberty, maybe i wouldn't have such a plethora of scars today. i wonder if i'll ever wear make up everyday when i'm older and more womanly. i love being womanly. i finally love my tits.
about five days ago i smoked some ganja with thomas and it has totally fucked me up.
in the past i've often experienced getting a numb mouth when i smoke and sometimes numb hands, but it has never lasted longer then the high. now it's been five days of hardly being able to feel anything "real" in my hands and my whole body is just this electric lump of energy, or everything that i touch feels just like electricity. what the fuck. i went for a massage it did nothing. what does it mean?!?! i've been racking my head about it, and now i'm sick because when my nerves decided to warp my immune system did too.
is it possible that i philosophized too hard about bodily sensations and actually physically altered and damaged my nerve endings?!?! what the fuck.
all these body problems right when i thought i was finally starting to get to know myself and my body. it makes me totally bummed. why the fuck did nobody in this world tell me that there was such thing as Fertility Awareness?!?! i learn it exists right when i am fed up with sex and want nothing more to do with it.
i've signed up for wwoof canada. i have no idea where i'll end up with it. hopefully it'll be inspiring, at this point that's all i can hope for.
whoa intense times.
cherry picking over, will i ever do it again?!
tom and i kinda broke up for a bit but never really
and now i guess we are together but i'm not really going to think about.
i can't right now. it feels good right now. that's all i can say. who knows, who knows.
i tried to explain it to a friend and realized i couldn't and realized how much pressure social explaniations and expectations and assumptions place on a relationship when really they are totally complex and not so black and white. don't ask me about it.
i thought i wanted to be single. and i kind of do. but i oh so damn badly wanna love somebody and be loved too.
i've become increasingly obsessed about my acne, or obsessed about trying to heal it, or cure it, trying new modes that i previously deemed too conventional or something.
ugg. the thing is, it doesn't matter when you become totally fed up with something, that doesn't mean it's going to go away, you still have to endure it, so there's no difference.
i wish my mother (or anybody!!) would have made more of an effort to educate me and help me out about this whole thing earlier, like maybe ten years ago when i hit puberty, maybe i wouldn't have such a plethora of scars today. i wonder if i'll ever wear make up everyday when i'm older and more womanly. i love being womanly. i finally love my tits.
about five days ago i smoked some ganja with thomas and it has totally fucked me up.
in the past i've often experienced getting a numb mouth when i smoke and sometimes numb hands, but it has never lasted longer then the high. now it's been five days of hardly being able to feel anything "real" in my hands and my whole body is just this electric lump of energy, or everything that i touch feels just like electricity. what the fuck. i went for a massage it did nothing. what does it mean?!?! i've been racking my head about it, and now i'm sick because when my nerves decided to warp my immune system did too.
is it possible that i philosophized too hard about bodily sensations and actually physically altered and damaged my nerve endings?!?! what the fuck.
all these body problems right when i thought i was finally starting to get to know myself and my body. it makes me totally bummed. why the fuck did nobody in this world tell me that there was such thing as Fertility Awareness?!?! i learn it exists right when i am fed up with sex and want nothing more to do with it.
i've signed up for wwoof canada. i have no idea where i'll end up with it. hopefully it'll be inspiring, at this point that's all i can hope for.