(no subject)
I don't know what to do anymore. I try and try and I have nothing to show for it. I pretend I'm happy most of the time and I'm not. I've just been up crying all night. I'm thinking about myself and how I am not what I want to be. I should be ashamed of many of the things I have done in the last few years. Joey told me tonight that 'it's your way or no way', and maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just too selfish. Maybe I've never understood how the world works. Maybe I'm getting what I deserve right now. I've always thought of myself as a nice person, but lots of people tell me otherwise. It's just hard to trust people. You think you know someone well and they can be so cruel and draining the next minute. Am I selfish? Am I sensitive? I'm getting so confused by my own emotions.
Most of the things I am feeling right now I don't even want to put in words. I don't want to scare anyone or make things worse.
I just wish for once that I felt something was right for me. Sometimes I feel that Joe's just not that interested. Like he doesn't take me seriously when I tell him what I'm thinking. Sometimes I feel like I need him more than he needs me.
I think I have an old soul.
I hope so.
Things nowadays seem so fucked up. You have to know everything about yourself and what you want or represent, and if you don't, you have nothing going for you. Right now I feel like there is nothing for me.
Most of the things I am feeling right now I don't even want to put in words. I don't want to scare anyone or make things worse.
I just wish for once that I felt something was right for me. Sometimes I feel that Joe's just not that interested. Like he doesn't take me seriously when I tell him what I'm thinking. Sometimes I feel like I need him more than he needs me.
I think I have an old soul.
I hope so.
Things nowadays seem so fucked up. You have to know everything about yourself and what you want or represent, and if you don't, you have nothing going for you. Right now I feel like there is nothing for me.