Scattered
This was pretty short and then I kept remembering more things to write, so it might seem sort of scattered.
Today is my six-month anniversary with Joey. We've been dating for seven.
Everything has been really well in our relationship. He makes me happy but there is something that worries me. I've sort of talked to him about it before, but I don't think he knows the seriousness of it. I've been cheated on before, and I don't know if it's because of that, but I get really jealous and paranoid. I never knew how bad I was until now. Joey is a really nice guy and I don't think he would ever cheat on me or deliberately leave me out of something...but I just can't stop thinking about it. Now that I have a job he's been doing a lot of things on his own. Usually I would get mad if he goes with his friends. I try not to, but I just get jealous. I've been holding it back a lot more because I have been reading about jealous relationships and I don't want to drive him away or make him feel like he's 'walking on eggshells'. I feel like if I show him that I'm jealous he will feel like he has to lie or be extremely cautious about what he does. It's harder now to coordinate because he works days and I work a lot of nights. I occasionally will go out and do something when he's at work, but not very often. I feel guilty. I especially don't like him going anywhere when I know he is going to drink. He's similar to me in that when he drinks, he doesn't want to stop. When he gets to the drunk point, he keeps going and he'd pretty much do anything after that.
I guess the other part of the story is that when I met him, he was in a relationship of almost 2 years with Joe (ironically, Joey & Joe), and he was cheating on him. I talked to him about that when we first started dating and he told me that he would never do that to me and that he fell out of love with Joe. So I guess that is the other half of my paranoia.
I get suspicious whenever he starts making plans with people, thinking that he's lying about who he's going to meet or where he's going. I used to check his text messages a lot but he always deletes them immediately, so the inbox is usually empty. I've never met someone who does that so I thought that to be suspicious, too.
I just don't want to be the one who's the last to know again. I don't want all these little things that could be signs to be forgotten. I feel like I should talk to him about it again because every time I bring it up he doesn't take me very seriously.
Is it my right to know every little detail? If I keep wanting answers am I going to drive him to do what I fear he will do?
I don't write in my journal very often anymore, but if anyone out there still reads it, please give me your input.
Today is my six-month anniversary with Joey. We've been dating for seven.
Everything has been really well in our relationship. He makes me happy but there is something that worries me. I've sort of talked to him about it before, but I don't think he knows the seriousness of it. I've been cheated on before, and I don't know if it's because of that, but I get really jealous and paranoid. I never knew how bad I was until now. Joey is a really nice guy and I don't think he would ever cheat on me or deliberately leave me out of something...but I just can't stop thinking about it. Now that I have a job he's been doing a lot of things on his own. Usually I would get mad if he goes with his friends. I try not to, but I just get jealous. I've been holding it back a lot more because I have been reading about jealous relationships and I don't want to drive him away or make him feel like he's 'walking on eggshells'. I feel like if I show him that I'm jealous he will feel like he has to lie or be extremely cautious about what he does. It's harder now to coordinate because he works days and I work a lot of nights. I occasionally will go out and do something when he's at work, but not very often. I feel guilty. I especially don't like him going anywhere when I know he is going to drink. He's similar to me in that when he drinks, he doesn't want to stop. When he gets to the drunk point, he keeps going and he'd pretty much do anything after that.
I guess the other part of the story is that when I met him, he was in a relationship of almost 2 years with Joe (ironically, Joey & Joe), and he was cheating on him. I talked to him about that when we first started dating and he told me that he would never do that to me and that he fell out of love with Joe. So I guess that is the other half of my paranoia.
I get suspicious whenever he starts making plans with people, thinking that he's lying about who he's going to meet or where he's going. I used to check his text messages a lot but he always deletes them immediately, so the inbox is usually empty. I've never met someone who does that so I thought that to be suspicious, too.
I just don't want to be the one who's the last to know again. I don't want all these little things that could be signs to be forgotten. I feel like I should talk to him about it again because every time I bring it up he doesn't take me very seriously.
Is it my right to know every little detail? If I keep wanting answers am I going to drive him to do what I fear he will do?
I don't write in my journal very often anymore, but if anyone out there still reads it, please give me your input.